One Smashing Vacation
by Darkwarrior17
Summary: After being plunged into debt by a prank gone awry, Master Hand leaves the Smashers to hide out on vacation. Will the world ever be the same? Chapter 18 Up!
1. Broke and Out of Money

Darkwarrior17: Well, here we are again. I'm about to take a stab at HUMOR! Yes. You heard me. Oh, never mind. On with the show!

Darkwarrior17: Okay, I wrote out a bunch of chapters beforehand, so this is before I'm about to update. The date is November 5, 2005. I will be updating every Sunday. If I don't, it will be because of (A) laziness, (B) time constraints, or (C) wasn't at the computer on Sunday.

Disclaimer: I would be happy with even owning a GameCube, let alone the Super Smash Brothers.

One Smashing Vacation

I

Broke and Out Of Money

One sunny and quiet morning, those that were more hyperactive then others were already up and bouncing off the walls. Those that weren't as hyper were busy trying to sleep or throw things at those who were hyper. But that's beside the point.

"NESS! NESS! I BET I CAN EAT MORE BOWLS OF SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR BOMBS IN 5 SECONDS!" Young Link shouted, pouring himself some of the "cereal".

"OKAY!" yelled the equally loud Ness.

_5 seconds later…_

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I WIN!" Said Link, even louder then before.

"BEST TWO OUT OF THREE!"

_10 seconds later…_

"YOULOSEYOULOSEYOULOSEYOULOSEYOULOSEYOULOSE!" Young Link shouted, still louder.

"HEY! I JUST HAD A GREAT IDEA!"

"GO UP AND PUT ARMY ANTS IN CAPTAIN FALCONS BED!"

"WELL, THAT AND…"

_A few seconds of whispering…_

"YEAHYEAHYEAHYEAHYEAHYEAHYEAHYEAH!"

Five minutes later, at the Smashers runway, Young Link and Ness were buckling into the Air Wings of Fox and Falco.

"READY!" Young Link shouted over the radio.

"YEAH!"

"BLAST OFFFFFFF!"

The Air Wings took off, making an amazing amount of noise.

"TURN DOWN THE T.V. OTHERWISE I'LL COME DOWN AND WRING YOUR NECKS!" Master Hand shouted. There was silence. He sighed peacefully. Maybe they'd have a quiet morning for once.

_30 minutes later…._

Ding-dong!

"Master Hand, someone's at the door!" Someone shouted.

"I heard, you moron!" Mumbling to himself, he got out of bed and headed downstairs.

There was an old lady at the door, looking quite angry.

"Can I help?" Master Hand said, wondering to himself if he could punt her and get away with it. Not a terribly unusual thought for Master Hand, but he was probably tired enough to do it.

"Look at what your jets did to my lawn!" she said in a voice that's saying "You know I want to kill you, but I like to see you squirm."

Master Hand didn't squirm. In fact, he slammed the door.

DING-DONG!

He opened it again.

"LOOK AT THIS! IT'S OUTRAGOUS!" She had lost all composure now, and was shoving photos of her lawn into his face.

"Lady, look. Those jets have not been used for THREE YEARS. NO ONE takes them out. IT WAS NOT our jets that ravaged your lawn."

"Sir, look. I DO NOT get up this early in the morning with out good cause. I DO NOT walk half a mile up hill for no reason. I DO NOT stand in front of a moron for-"

SLAM!

Master Hand was not one to be insulted this early in the morning. In fact, he wasn't typically one to be insulted any time in the day.

DING-DONG!

DING-DONG!

Master Hand opened the door again.

"LOOK, lady…" He trailed off. If he had a mouth it would have been gaping. Angry mobs have a way of doing that.

"LOOK AT THIS! DO YOU REALIZE-"

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MY TREE-"

"WHAT WERE YOU DOING SO EARLY IN THE MORNING, RAVAGING LAWNS AND-"

"HOW COULD YOU FLY SO LOW!"

"YEAH!"

"YEAH!"

"LET'S GET 'EM'"

He quickly slammed the door. Angry mobs weren't uncommon for the smashers, but never this early in the morning, or to this scale. If he knew what it was, that would have been a different matter.

He quickly pushed the Angry Mob button, conveniently place several inches from the door. A computerized voice boomed over the P.A.

"Emergency Mob System, Code 152542, Locking down. Initiating."

Red lights began flashing, and an alarm bell was sounding, waking anybody who hadn't already been awoken by the angry mob.

_In the Smasher's Hanger, Sixty Minutes later…_

"HA HA! THAT WAS GREAT!" Ness shouted climbing out of the Air Wings.

"And you know what the best part is? Everyone was asleep!" Young Link said, turning a corner.

"Yeah!" Ness turned the corner, and ran into Fox, Falco, and a giant hand with veins nearly popping out of it.

"Oh, hi Fox, Falco, Crazy."

"This is Master Hand." Falco said coldly.

"Oh…" Young Link looked at Ness. "Something wrong?"

Master Hand at this point exploded. Almost literally.

"DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU'VE DONE! DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH THIS IS GOING TO COST US! 'SOMETHING WRONG!' HA! You have no idea how dead you are…"

Zelda suddenly called from the kitchen. "Ripley's Believe it Or Not just called. They want to feature us as 'The Most Angry Mobs Against Organization in a Matter of Five Years.'"

"TELL THEM TO GET A LIFE! Now you two…" He seethed. "You two are so dead, I'm-"

"Wait a minute." Fox said thoughtfully. "If were in lockdown, how did they get into the hangar…" His voice trailed off as he heard shouts from out side.

"HEY! THERE'S AN ENTRANCE OVER HERE! C'MON!"

"YEAH!"

"LETS RANSACK THERE HOUSE LIKE THEY RANSACKED OUR HOUSES!"

"D-E-A-D. Dead…"

_Twelve Hours Later, In the Dining Room…_

Master Hand was slumped in his chair. This had been the longest day of his entire life. Not only had he had to pay all of the people back, but some were pressing charges. He silently groaned at the thought.

"They won't win." Mewtwo said, floating through the hall.

"I know."

"I know you know."

"Then why were you trying to console me?"

"I wasn't…"

"… Call a meeting. Now."

_Ten Minutes later…_

The smashers were all sitting down and waiting to here what sort of punishment would befall the two who had caused the mob.

Master Hand stood up at the head of the table. "As you should all know, we had an angry mob attack us this morning."

"Angry mob! AHHHHH! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" Crazy shouted, and ran into a wall.

Ignoring this, Master Hand continued. "We are now in the worst financial crisis since Monday. I'm afraid I'm going to have to revoke your credit cards," Peach broke down sobbing- "and we're all going to have to cut back on destroying the house." Master Hand paused to let it sink in. "Now, onto more important business, may Young Link and Ness come forward."

Ness and Young Link slowly got out of there chairs. As they walked forward, Crazy began playing funeral music on a violin. Master Hand grabbed it and snapped it in two.

"Play on your own time. Now," He said, turning to the unfortunate duo, "you are being accused of property damage, vehicular damage, vehicular theft, and a number of other things. How do you plead?"

"We plead-"

"Guilty!" Master Hand slammed down a gavel that he had grabbed from Popo. "I sentence you to torture." The two began to whimper. "Now, Zelda, I believe you have a medieval torture device chamber in your room." Zelda turned red and muttered "Legal business." and Young Link and Ness began to sob. "And Mewtwo, you will carry out the sentencing, in any way you see fit." Mewtwo's tale began to curl in a sign of joy, and Young Link and Ness fainted.

"Excellent. Now, this leaves the problem of figuring out who sorts our financial problem. Now, I'm going to nominate-"

"ALL IN FAVOR OF MASTER HAND!" Link shouted.

"AYE!" Everyone else shouted.

"Um, Nay?"

"Right. That settles it. Master Hand, you have been appointed to find a way to save money. Make up some sort of plan so we can ignore it."

"Fine! As long as I get to choose four assistants."

"Two."

"Three and I'll let you smack your younger self around for awhile."

"Done!"

_In Master Hand's Office, Half an Hour Later…_

"How come we got assigned to this!" Mewtwo, Zelda, and Link shouted simultaneously.

"Because (A), you're all good at sorting stuff, (B), Mewtwo and Zelda got the job of torturing Young Link and Ness, and (C), Link was kind enough to nominate me for this job." Master Hand replied. "Oh, and by the way, thanks for letting me have assistants. Right. Zelda, you make the coffee, Link, get pencils and pens, and Mewtwo, get the copier in here."

_Fifty Minutes Later…_

"Okay, what if we had a coupon night, where everyone got together with newspapers and stuff, and just cut stuff out so we could save money? Great idea, right?"

"Link, that's the fourth-stupidest idea you've come up with in the past five minutes. You obviously need more coffee."

"But-"

"DRINK THE COFFEE, DAMN YOU!"

"Master Hand, shut up! This is obviously getting us nowhere!"

"Alright, what we need is a plan that will get us out of trouble, or land the trouble onto someone else. So, we'll probably need to be really, really slimy." Mewtwo said, looking thoughtful.

There were a few moments of silence as everyone thought about it.

"How 'bout we go on a vacation and leave some sucker in charge?" Zelda said.

"Hey…"

"That could work…"

"YEAH! We'll go on a vacation!"

"Not so loud!"

The door suddenly creaked open. Marth and Roy poked their heads in.

"Um, we couldn't help overhearing, but…"

"By the way, how do you spell 'extortion'?"

"You're in."

"YES!"

Master Hand stood up. "Right, I'll go get our passports, Mewtwo, you get the tickets and choose where we go. Marth, I hide the credit cards behind the picture of Crazy. Roy, start packing stuff. And Zelda, help me find a sucker…"

_In the Lounge, Five Minutes Later…_

Captain Falcon was watching T.V. as Zelda and Master Hand approached.

"Hey, Captain Falcon… Would you do us a great favor?" Zelda said, as cutely as possible.

Captain Falcon was dumbfounded. As long as he had known her, Zelda had had no interest in him. Either something was up, or Zelda really liked him. Being stupid, Captain Falcon figured the latter.

"What would you need?" Captain Falcon said, smiling.

"Well, me, Master Hand and several others are going to the Nintendo headquarters to see if we can get some money. And Master Hand needs someone to be in charge for a while. Would you please do us a great big favor and keep things under control for a while when we're gone?"

Captain Falcon was emotionally moved, for not only did Zelda like him, but that someone would trust him so much to leave him in charge for a while. He actually began to cry as Master Hand handed him a contract.

"Thank much so you. I take know I good care." He babbled, as he signed.

As Zelda and Master Hand left, Master Hand said to Zelda, "I think he bought it."

Captain Falcon did not hear this. He was too busy thinking of how well he would run things, and how Master Hand would finally respect him and no longer think of him as a sucker. He hugged the contract and tried to figure out who he would show first.

"Yep. Definitely bought it."

Darkwarrior17: Date completed: Oct. 29, 05. As you can see, I'm taking a different route and writing a bunch of chapters before I publish anything. I hope to lessen my workload this way. Also, I can update based on reviews. HA HA!


	2. Metal Detectors and Idiot Stewerdess'

Darkwarrior17: At the present moment (Oct. 29, 2005) I have nothing to say. But I will probably be saying something by the time this gets published. That's the problem with writing all this before hand. I don't know about reviews or whatever.

Darkwarrior17: Nov. 13, 2005.

Reviews: Well, most of the reviews asked questions about what's going to happen. I can't tell you that. You'll just have to read. Also, to any one who reviewed, thank you.

Disclaimer: I would also be happy owning an N-64, let alone the Super Smash Brothers.

One Smashing Vacation

II

Metal Detectors and Idiot Stewardess'

The five Smashers arrived at the airport about two hours after they had decided to leave. Link had wanted to travel by their own ships, but Master Hand pointed out that it would arouse less suspicion this way. Link had pointed out that this way it would be easer to track them. Master Hand pointed out that no one really knew how to pilot any of their stuff. Link was about to point out something else when Master Hand threatened to punt him. There were no further complaints.

"All right, this is completely routine. We just show them our passports, show them our tickets and we're on the plane." Master Hand said, for some reason not terribly worried about security.

"Sir, I think we're about to hit a snag in security."

"What? Already? What on earth could be wrong?"

"Well you see, swordsmen usually have long sticks of metal with sharp ends. Yeah, they're called swords, see?"

"Why is that a problem? Here, wear this." Master Hand handed him, Marth and Roy ski masks and black jumpsuits.

"You're not serious!" Link looked at the ski mask he was holding.

"Completely."

"Idiot. C'mon, get rid of those; I have an idea." Mewtwo floated off towards the metal detectors. Marth, Roy, Link and Zelda looked at each other for a second, and then quickly headed off in Mewtwo's direction, pitching the outfits in the trash.

"Hey, those cost money! And I'm in charge!" Master Hand shouted, chasing after them.

_The Metal Detectors, Five Minutes Later…_

Bree! Bree! Bree!

As Link stepped through the metal detector, his sword sent the alarm off.

"Hold your arms out straight and spread your legs apart." Said the security person.

_The alarm didn't go off. _Mewtwo thought at him.

"Next." The security person said. Marth set the alarm off next.

"Hold-"

_The alarm didn't go off._

Roy next.

"H-"

_No._

"Amazing." Master Hand commented after they were all through.

"Thanks."

_At the Mansion…_

Captain Falcon had taken all night trying to figure out whom to show first. In the end, he decided to call a meeting and show everyone.

"Attention everyone! ATTENTION!" He shouted. As this was not working, he decided to blow something up.

He grabbed one of the Bob-ombs from the weapons closet and then punched it.

When the smoke cleared, Captain Falcon had everyone's attention in addition to being stuck in a wall.

After being pulled out, Captain Falcon waved the contract around.

"Look! Look! I'm in charge, see! You have to do what I say!"

"Falcon, I haven't done what Master Hand's said. What makes you think I'm going to listen to you?" Kirby said, trying to cross his "arms".

"Well, I…"

"And why did Master Hand leave you in charge?"

"Well, Zelda helped him choose…" At this point, everyone was suspecting a prank, and was walking off, laughing, but Samus stayed behind.

"Let me see that!" She said, grabbing it out of his hands.

"Hey! Be careful with it!"

Samus looked it over. She then looked up at Captain Falcon. "You realize that this not only leaves this in charge of us, but finances too?"

"So?"

"So we go into debt, Master Hand leaves with several others to deal with finance, and leave you in charge of not only us, but finance. Something funny is going on here."

"Where are you going?" Captain Falcon asked, as Samus walked off with his contract.

"To do a little research."

_In Some Airplane…_

"This is your captain speaking. I'd just like to tell you that YOU'RE ALL COMPLETE MORONS! AHA! AHA! Heh, I love doing that when the microphone's off. What do you mean I'm leaning on the button! OH SH-"

"Wow." Master Hand commented.

"Do you think he needs to vent, or is he a complete nut job?" Link asked.

"Possibly both."

"This is your new captain speaking. We're sorry about that. The old captain has been terminated."

"So, Mewtwo, where are we going?" Zelda asked, looking out the window.

"Italy."

"Oh. Sounds interesting. Why there?"

"I want to see the Pope."

"Seriously."

"I just told you."

"You're not joking! You have no interest in religion whatsoever! You actually consider _yourself_ a God!"

"Yes. I just want to get rid of one of my rival religions."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing."

"You're actually going to try and kill the-"

_Nothing. You will remember nothing of this conversation._

"So, Mewtwo where are we going?"

"Italy. Oh, look, we're about to take off."

So they were.

"Hello, this is your captain again. There will be a video about our safety procedures coming on momentarily. You also may want to note that the seat belt sign is on, and there will be no smoking."

"For that, there's the bathroom." Link said wittily.

"I'm sorry, sir, but there is no smoking." Said the stewardess.

"Yeah, I know, I was making a joke."

"I'm sorry, sir, but there is no smoking."

"Yes, I heard you the first time."

"I'm sorry, sir, but there is no smoking."

"… I'm curious, how long do you spend in high atmosphere?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but-"

"SHUT THE HELL UP!"

Lucky for the stewardess, the airplane took off then, sending her flying towards the end of the plane.

"I guess that's one way to lose morons." Roy commented dryly.

"Yes. Hey, do you think you could get me something to drink!" Link shouted to the back.

The reply was quite faint. "I'm sorry, sir, but there's no smoking."

_At the Mansion…_

"What are you doing?" Falcon asked.

"Looking at flight plans."

"Why?"

"TO FIGURE OUT WHAT MASTER HAND IS UP TO, THAT'S WHY!"

"Sheesh, no reason to yell. And what makes you think he's up to something? Can't it be possible that he actually thinks I'm smart enough to handle everyone while he's gone?"

But Samus wasn't listening. "Here we go. 'Master Hand, age…'" She looked over, "forty-three! So he is lying."

"Yeah, so? What's your point?"

"So why are you so touchy on this subject?"

"Shut up and read."

"All right. 'Master Hand, age forty-three, last flight…' just took off! Hmmm. Let's see. To…" Samus narrowed her eyes. "'Rome, Italy.' That proves it! Master Hand is doing something funny!"

"So what are you going to do about? Remember, I'm in charge." Captain Falcon folded his arms.

Wham!

Samus shoved her blaster into his mouth and pushed him up against the wall.

"Kirby's right. I haven't listened to Master Hand, ever, and I am certainly not going to listen to you. Now look. You realize that if you just sit around here, several lawyers are going to be knocking on our door, asking who's in charge. And I'll bet you won't be waving your little contract around, will you?" She pulled her blaster out and released him. "I suggest coming with me."

"You'd really let me come?"

"Yes. I might need some sort of lackey."

"La-what?"

"C'mon! Get packed already!"

_On the Plane…_

Master Hand had fallen asleep, was snoring loudly, and leaning on Link, who was sitting next to him. Link tried to push him off, but he fell onto Link's lap.

"Get off. Get OFF!" Link shouted, and then stabbed Master Hand in the back. "Oops…" Link said, looking at Master Hand. "Um…" He said, looking around. Luckily, everyone was asleep. Link looked over, and spotted the bathroom. "Yes!"

Link dragged Master Hand into the bathroom and shut the door.

"Whew."

As he sat down in his seat, Zelda woke up.

"Where's Master Hand?"

"In the bathroom."

Suddenly Mewtwo began to snort a little, and was looking as though he was choking on something. Link glared at him.

"Sorry," He said, putting a fist to his mouth to muffle the fits of laughter. "I think I just need water."

"What's his problem?" Zelda asked as Mewtwo got up.

"No idea." Link said, still glaring at Mewtwo as he walked up the aisle. "Want to watch something?"

"Nah, I've watched everything. Man, I hate long flights."

"I'm sorry, sir, but there's no smoking." The stewardess' voice could be heard from the front.

"I'm asking for water." Mewtwo's voice came next.

"I'm sorry, sir, but there's no smoking."

"I'm asking for water."

"I'm sorry, sir, but there's no smoking."

"I'm asking for water."

"I'm sorry, sir, but there's no smoking."

"I'm asking for water."

"Ooh, this could be entertaining."

_At the Mansion…_

"Samus, what should I pack?"

"I told you, you moron, we're only going to Rome for a DAY! ALL WE'RE DOING IS RETRIEVING MASTER HAND!"

"Who's going to Rome?" Fox walked in, drinking a can of Coca-Cola™.

"Don't you ever knock?" Samus asked.

"No point." Fox said. "So what's this about Rome?"

"Master Hand's lying to us. He's going to Rome to escape debt, so we're going to bring him back."

"Why?"

"What do you mean, why?"

"Why are you trying to bring Master Hand back? What point are you trying to make? Why do you care?"

"That's not valid to the plot."

"Oh. I hope you're going to let me come."

"Why?"

"'What do you mean, why?'" Fox said, doing an obnoxious imitation of Samus. "Because he's going to end up letting Young Link and Ness off. I don't like that. Plus, we've finished repairing our Air Wings, and this would be a good time to test them out. I'll go get Falco."

"By the way," Captain Falcon said, putting his special rubber ducky in his suit case. "What's our source of transportation?"

"My ship." Samus said, getting an evil grin on her face.

_On the plane…_

"I'm sorry, sir, but there is no smoking."

"I'm asking for water."

This had been going on for several hours, much to the amusement of anyone in seats A1-G7.

"I'm sorry, sir, but there is no smoking."

"I'm asking for water."

Master Hand suddenly stepped out of the bathroom, and everyone in A1-G7 said "Shhhh…" and went back to watching Mewtwo and the stewardess. Master Hand still had the sword in his back, and when he sat down next to Link the sword went deeper in.

"Geeze, Master Hand, you've been gone for a whi-" Marth was saying, when he suddenly noticed the sword in his back. Link was quickly waving his arms back and forth and shaking his head. "-le" He finished.

"What's with the sword?" Zelda mouthed to Link.

"Don't ask." He mouthed back.

"So, what's with these two?" Master Hand asked about Mewtwo and the stewardess.

"Um, I think Mewtwo's trying to make the stewardess' head explode, and the stewardess is a moron." Roy said, trying to not look at the sword.

"Ah."

"I'm sorry, there, but sir is no smoking."

"Ooooh!" Seats A1-G7 said.

"I'm asking for water."

"Sorry I'm, but, sir there no smoking is."

"Ahhhhh!" Seats A1-G7 said.

"I'm asking for water."

"I'm smoking-" And the stewardess' head exploded.

"Yay!" Seats A1-G7 said.

"Well, that was amusing." Mewtwo said, getting back in his seat.

"Yeah, that took up a lot of time too." Roy said, checking his watch. "Wow, we'll be landing in about ten minutes."

"You've been doing that for _five hours?_" Zelda asked disbelievingly. "Wow. Everyone here must have a long attention span."

"Darn, I missed most of it." Master Hand said, still not realizing there was a sword in his back. "Oh look, here comes another one."

The pilot most of heard him because seconds later an announcement came on.

"Attention, this is your captain speaking. Would the giant cat please refrain from blowing up the stewardess'," There was a chorus of "Awww…" from seats A1-G7, "And we'll be landing shortly."

"I'll giant cat you." Mewtwo muttered under his breath.

Darkwarrior17: Another chapter done! And it only took… five days! That means it's November 2, for those who are bad at math.


	3. In the Conveniet Hotel

Darkwarrior17: Once again, at the present moment (Nov. 2, 2005) I have nothing to say, yadah yadah yadah.

Darkwarrior17: November 20, 2005. I may not be able to update next week, due to Thanksgiving, so I will as soon as possible.

Ri2: Master Hand isn't terribly observant, as you may find out in the next few chapters.

Disclaimer: Heck, I'd take a Super Nintendo.

One Smashing Vacation

III

In The Convenient Hotel

_Rome Airport Security…_

Bree! Bree! Bree!

"What the heck?" Master Hand said, as he floated through the metal detector. He turned around and smacked Security Guy Jim in the face with the sword stuck in his back.

"Anybody know how I could have metal on me?" He asked. Everybody slowly shook their head. "Oh." He said, turning back around and smacking Security Guy Moe.

"Excuse me, sir." Said Security Guy Bob, taping him on the back. Master Hand turned around and (you guessed it) smacked Security Guy Bob in the face.

"What are you doing on the floor?" He asked.

"He's got concealed weaponry! Get him!" Said Security Guy Joe to Security Guy Mat.

"What!" Master Hand said, turning around and smacking both Security Guy Joe and Mat in the head as they drew their weapons.

"AHHH! HE'S GOING TO KILL US ALL!" Shouted one of the civilians. Everyone began to run around in circles screaming, and Master Hand kept turning around and hitting more security guards, trying to figure out what was going on.

_On a train, headed to the Termini in Rome…_

"All right... we'll be getting off at Termini, then getting on line A, and then going to the stop Ottaviano. There, we just have to walk a little ways and then we're at the Conveniently-Placed-Right-Next-To-The-Vatican Hotel." Mewtwo said, for some reason trying to entertain everyone while b they sat on the train. Not that anybody was paying attention, Master Hand was shaking his h… yeah, trying to figure out what had happened at the airport, Marth and Roy were playing cards and Link and Zelda were conversing quietly.

"I just don't get it. I'm a harmless hand. Why would they suspect me of anything?" Master Hans said to himself. The sword was still stuck in his back, and every time he moved it either hit Marth or Zelda.

"Hmmm…" Mewtwo said thoughtfully. "I can have fun with this…"

_Hey, Master Hand?_ He thought at Master Hand, making it sound like Marth.

"What?" Master Hand said turning and bumping the sword into Zelda.

"OW!" Zelda said.

"Eh?" Master Hand said, turning and slamming the sword into Marth.

"Auug!" Marth said.

"Huh?" Master Hand said, and hit Zelda again.

"OW! QUIT IT!"

"Quit what?" Marth got hit again.

"Erg!"

Mewtwo sat back. This could go on for some time.

_Somewhere Over the Mid-Atlantic…_

Several dolphins were jumping up and down, doing tricks for the other fish. They were in the middle of jumping up and twirling in the air, or telling the fish that they were all doomed, when suddenly a very large and fast-flying vehicle hit their leader. The other two cried out in dismay, but were suddenly struck by two other vehicles that were not as big, but just as fast. The dolphins were not terribly hurt, and as they fell they managed to relay, "AHHHH! ICH BIN FLIEGENDER FISCH! AHHHH!" and then splashed into the ocean below.

The ships were not at all concerned about the dolphins. In fact, one of the ship's occupants was more worried that they had broken a nail.

"LOOK AT THIS! IS THIS NOT BROKEN!" Captain Falcon waved his fingernail right under Samus' nose, who was trying to steer.

"SHUT UP! I'M TRYING TO FLY HERE!" Samus shouted, beginning to lose control of her vehicle.

"Geez, no need to yell."

If Samus hadn't been flying, she would have blasted him then and there. Instead she just went imagining what she could do to him later.

"Wow, Samus, I think I can hear you blowing him up from here." Falco said, while taking a sip from his Sprite™.

"Yeah, you kinda need that ship to get back, you know?" Fox chuckled, drinking some of his Coca-Cola™.

"Shut up. And what's with the Coke products?"

"Were getting 'cough, cough' paid to do this."

"Yep. Coke figures if people see us drinking Coke, people will think its cool and drink more. Well, the jokes on them, Pepsi already paid us to sew their logo on the back of our jackets!"

"… I hope you guys have good lawyers."

"Yeah, we've got platoons of them from Ford and GM. We advertise for them, too."

_At the_ _Conveniently-Placed-Right-Next-To-The-Vatican Hotel…_

"Hi, we've got reservations for three rooms, under Mewtwo." Master Hand told the desk receptionist.

"Ah, yes. Five minutes late, you know."

"Yes, we got held up at the airport."

"Punctuality, it's very important, you know."

"Yes, can we please have our room numbers and keys?"

"Yep, you got to be on time to get anything done in life."

"Yes, very nice. Now, what's our room number?"

"Gets you seats at restaurants, tickets for movies, saves rushing around, gets reservations…"

"Yes, yes, I know… What are you getting at?"

"Makes it so you're not too late for transportation, classes in school, reservations at hotels…"

"…Can I speak with your superior?"

"Mmm… No!"

_At the Other-Conveniently-Placed-Right-Next-To-The-Vatican Hotel…_

"Right, three hotel rooms, for how many days?"

"We're not sure." Master Hand said, crossing his fingers. This was fairly obvious, him being a giant hand, but he crossed them anyway.

"Okay then. Rooms 101-103."

"Thank you." Master Hand quickly turned around, smacking the hotel person in the head. "Hey guys, we've got rooms!"

"Yay!"

_At Rooms 101-103, Five Minutes Later…_

"All right, rooms are going to be Zelda and Link, because they have no attraction to each other, Marth and Roy, because they have nothing in common, and me and Mewtwo, because I'll get a peaceful night's sleep."

"I think the sword got lodged in his brain." Marth said to Roy.

"Yep."

"Hey, Master Hand, have fun 'sleeping'."

"Huh?"

_Somewhere…_

"AHHHH! MAYDAY! MAY DAY! WE ALMOST HIT THAT MOUNTAIN! CAPTAIN FALCON, WHERE THE HELL ARE WE!"

"Um, we should be over Venice."

"WHAT?"

"Well, I thought these mountains were the Alps."

"What? AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"SAMUS, WHERE THE HELL ARE WE!" Fox shouted into his mike.

"I DON'T KNOW! CAPTAIN FALCON HAS THE MAP!"

"Oh. That explains it."

"Explains what? AHHH! WATCH OUT FOR THAT PEAK!" Samus quickly swerved to avoid the peak.

"FALCON, WE'RE OVER THE HIMALAYAS!"

"But those are north of Canada…"

"Yes, that's why you're no longer the map reader. AHHHH!"

Samus' ship took the top off of a peak that was conspicuously a lot taller then all the others.

_In the Other-Conveniently-Placed-Right-Next-To-The-Vatican Hotel…_

Mewtwo was playing with Master Hand's mind.

_You are now a chicken._

"KERPAW!" Master Hand shouted.

_Now a Monkey._

"Hoo-"

_Me._

"YOU ARE ALL INFERIOR! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

_Talk like a Brit._

"I say, stop right now before I'm forced to call the constable!"

"Actually, I like him like this." Marth walked into the room.

"Rather?"

"Yes, rather."

"Spiffing! Keep me like this, eh?"

"Fine. Whatever. And don't you ever knock?" Mewtwo said to Marth.

"Nah, wastes time."

"Yes, I've happened to knock down a large variety of fine looking doors doing my best to be a gentleman and knock. Now I just go right on and knock the bloody things down. Terrible waste of time knocking, wot!"

"What's with him?" Roy said.

"Mewtwo made him British."

"Oh. Kinda improving, you know."

"Said the same thing myself."

"Hey, where are Link and Zelda?"

_Room 102…_

Um… Yeah, let's not get into that.

_In Samus' Ship…_

"Mayday, mayday! We can't find our position! There's a small group of islands, and we think those are the Florida Keys, but we can't tell. There's a storm outside, the waters moderate to rough, and winds are up to 20 knots. Our compasses have gone haywire along with all other positioning equipment! We're flying upside down! AHHHH!" Captain Falcon shouted into his radio.

"Shut up! I'm trying to concentrate on flying!"

"HOW CAN YOU FLY IN THESE CONDITIONS!"

"Funny thing, I was about to ask myself the same thing."

"MAYDAY! MAYDAY! ANSWER, DAMN IT! THE RADIOS AREN'T WORKING!"

"Samus, want us to lead?" Fox asked, giving as much sympathy as possible.

"Oh, God, would you?"

"AHHH! U.F.O! U.F.O!" Captain Falcon screamed, pointing out the window.

"Look, you were the one who directed us into the Bermuda Triangle. And that's Falco's ship!"

"So, I like triangle bodies of water. And I knew that."

_At the Mansion…_

"Hey, Master Hand's still not here." Game and Watch beeped.

"And neither is anybody else he took with him." Mario said, eating sausage.

"Ahhh, they'll be back." Dr. Mario entered the room, carrying a plate with toast on it. "I'm slightly more concerned about where Samus, Fox, Falco, and our brilliant new leader Captain Falcon are."

"Why? They're missing?"

"Yep. Haven't seen any of them since the meeting last night. I figured Falcon was crying in his room, but he probably would have made some sort of pathetic attempt to get revenge on us by now."

"Hey, you're right!"

"And Samus is usually blasting away at stuff in the practice course. And I haven't seen a blaster shot from Fox or Falco all morning."

"Odd. Do they know something we don't?"

"If I knew that, I'd probably be doing something about it."

Mario snorted. Dr. Mario wasn't one to spring into action. The only action he sprung at was the type where he was being hurt.

"Well, although I admire your powers of observation, there's not a whole lot we can do about it. Besides, it's not causing us any trouble, is it?" Game and Watch beeped, flipping through his newspaper.

_At That Hotel With the Long Name That I No Longer Wish To Type…_

"Fellow creatures. No longer is it the time to rest. We have been idle for far too long! We must unite, and make our way to victory! SO GET UP OUT OF BED, AND LET'S GET GOING TO THE VATICAN!" Mewtwo shouted.

"WAAAG! I'm up, I'm up! PLEASE STOP SHOWING ME IMAGES OF YOUR CHILDHOOD!"

"I say, Mewtwo, you had quite a nasty run-in with glue in your younger years, eh, wot, wot! Yes, the Vatican. Capital idea, it shouldn't be crowded this early in the morning!"

_Zelda, Link, get up! Were on the move!_

"Wha…? AHHHHHH! IT BURNS! STOP… FEEDING US… THESE IMAGES! AHHHHHHH!"

"It's a wonderful life for me." Mewtwo hummed as they made their way downstairs.

Darkwarrior17: I have nothing to say at the present moment except this was done on November 4, 2005. Also, if any one was wondering, I have been to Rome.


	4. Trouble at the Vatican

Darkwarrior17: Once again, I have nothing important to say at the present moment (November 4, 2005.)

Disclaimer: If it's not already obvious, I own nothing.

Darkwarrior17: Oh, by the way, if you are offended by anything in this chapter, please don't hurt me. Nov. 27, 2005.

One Smashing Vacation

IV

Trouble at the Vatican

"'Capital idea, it shouldn't be crowded this early in the morning!'" Marth did an imitation of Master Hand as they waited in the obscenely long line for the Vatican. "If that's true, then I'd hate to go in the afternoon."

"No matter, I'll wait." Mewtwo said, sitting down on the wall.

_Half an Hour Later…_

"'No matter, I'll wait.' WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR OVER A HALF HOUR!" Roy did an imitation this time.

"Hold on a sec." Mewtwo said, and suddenly concentrated on the people in front of them.

"You know, I just had a sudden urge to get behind those freaks!" Everyone in front of them said.

"Front of the line." Zelda said, smiling.

"Yes, I'm good like that."

_Inside the Vatican…_

"Oh boy, more metal detectors." Marth said.

"Here, give them here and I'll teleport them to the hotel." Mewtwo was gone and back in a flash.

"Um, what about him?" Link pointed at Master Hand, who still had the sword in his back.

"No matter, I can make it seem as though it's not there. No one will be able to see it… now!" The sword disappeared.

"Oh, good. Of course there's still the metal detector…"

"Laughable."

Bree! Bree! Bree!

The alarm went off as Master Hand stepped through the metal detector.

"I say, these metal detectors seem to be giving me a mite bit of trouble recently. I wonder what could have possibly-"

_Don't worry, you can keep going._ Mewtwo said as someone else's voice. And to the security guard: _It didn't go off. Don't worry, the Pope is safe._

"We're through?"

"We're through."

_Somewhere West of Rome… _

"That was easily the longest flight I have ever experienced." Samus said, climbing out of the ship.

"Why?" Falcon asked.

"… You and Falco guard the ships. Fox and I are going hunting."

"Oh. For what?"

"Idiot. C'mon, Fox, let's get moving."

"Man, this is going to be a long walk."

"Who's walking?" Samus said, and took off running.

"Oh, for the love of God." Fox muttered, and ran after her.

_In the Hall of Tapestries, the Vatican…_

"Wow, these satellite photo quilts are really off." Marth said, looking at a tapestry of a map of Europe, according to the Romans.

"That's not a satellite photo, it's a map!" Link corrected.

"Ma-ma-map?"

"I say, I am yet to find a map of merry old England!" Master Hand said, looking slightly taken aback.

"So?"

"Oh, it was of a mite bit of importance back then, I believe. Hmmm, maybe down the hall. Odd, we seemed to have lost one of our group."

"What?"

"I say, my good friends, you seem to be a mite bit bad at observing. Mewtwo doesn't seem to be in the room, or hall I should say."

"Huh. Odd." Zelda was having this odd feeling that this was sounding familiar.

"Yeah, maybe he went to kill the Pope!" Roy laughed.

You could almost hear something hitting Zelda in the head.

"Ow!"

"What?"

"OH MY GOD-" several nuns crossed themselves. "HE'S GOING TO KILL THE POPE!"

She unfortunately shouted this, and almost every single Swiss Guard in the hall heard the words "Kill" and "Pope" in the same sentence.

"HEY! YOU!" One Swiss Guard came running, drawing his gun.

"I think it's time to leave." Master Hand said, slowly making his way to the door.

"Hey, Master Hand! There's a map of Great Britain!" Link pointed behind Master Hand.

"What! WHERE?" Master Hand quickly turned around, and Link caught his sword and pulled it out of Master Hand.

"HAHA! NOW WE RUN!" Link shouted, quickly sheathing the invisible sword and running out of the room.

"AHHHHHH!" Zelda, Marth, and Roy came barreling out of the room after him, dragging Master Hand.

"I say, be careful here! And I haven't found the map yet; oh, do give me a second!"

"COME BACK HERE!" The five Swiss Guards that were in the hall ran after them.

_On Top Of St. Peter's Basilica…_

Mewtwo surveyed the area. He knew that soon the Pope would go out some secret exit and hide in that castle down the road. He knew this because he had buried Zelda's memory of their conversation not very deep. "Kill" and "Pope" put in the same sentence together would trigger her memory, and knowing Zelda, she would probably shout the plan out for almost anyone to hear.

Suddenly there was a great commotion in the square, and Swiss Guards began to usher people out.

"Perfect." He muttered to himself. He slowly descended from where he was floating and landed on the dome, grabbing on to the pole on the top to secure himself. This was not a safety measure; it was to ensure better aim. He relaxed for a second and then concentrated for the Pope.

_In the Sistine Chapel…_

The Smashers had managed to lose the Swiss Guards momentarily, and were now catching their breath in the Sistine Chapel.

"Quick, take a picture!" Roy said, tying to grab the camera from Master Hand.

"I say, Roy, don't you ever read signs?" Master Hand said, pointing to a sign that said No Pictures. "Obviously, the sign implies that you aren't allowed to take pictures."

"Oh, give me that thing." Roy said, grabbing the camera and snapping a picture.

"Hey, you!" A Swiss Guard had noticed them. "Give me your-" a radio message from his belt suddenly interrupted him.

"Five suspects, believed to be trying to assassinate the Pope! Get all people out and keep your eyes out for a large white hand."

"Damn." Was all that Master Hand could say before being dragged off by Link and Marth, the Swiss Guard quickly following, shouting into his radio.

_Back at the Mansion…_

Ness and Young Link were slowly crawling out of bed, knowing that soon Zelda would come in and chain them to some hideous device. And then Mewtwo would come in and-they shuddered just thinking about it.

They slowly walked down to the dining room and were sure that they would soon be dragged off.

Their fears were soon realized, but not in the way they would have thought.

"Alright, you two. Sense neither Mewtwo nor Zelda are here," Game and Watch said as they walked into the kitchen. "I'll be in charge of your punishment. You will be forced to watch Star Wars, Episode One, over, and over and over and over and over and-"

"But I like-" Young Link was about to say, when Ness clamped a hand on his mouth.

"Oh, no! Please have mercy on us, oh merciful one!" Ness "begged" Game and Watch.

"Oh no. You aren't getting out of this one. D.K., strap them to the couch."

"So how many times do we have to watch this?" Young Link asked, trying to fake tears.

"Six times." Game and Watch said, grinning evilly.

"You know what would be worse? If he made us watch all six of the Star Wars'."

"Yeah, and made us eat popcorn and drink coke."

"Oh, no that would be awful!"

_Five Minutes Later…_

Game and Watch shut the door and locked it. The delinquents were secure, being rightly punished.

As the two heard the key turn, they burst out laughing.

"WHAT A MORON! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"THIS IS GREAT! In a sound proof wall, with all the coke and popcorn one could ever want, and we get to watch Star Wars and Lord of the Rings!"

"That was a great move, by the way!"

They burst out laughing again.

_On Top Of St. Peter's Basilica _

Mewtwo had spotted his prey, being ushered out through an underground passage way. He quickly fired a psychic bolt at the area, in order to uncover the Pope.

There was quite the explosion, and the Pope and several Swiss guards came running out of the hole Mewtwo had made in the ground.

"Your holiness, we can not protect you for much longer! We must hurr-" Mewtwo blasted the poor Swiss Guard, and quickly took out the rest.

"NOOOOO! I WILL AVENGE YOU!" The Pope shouted, and quickly grabbed two Uzis out of his robes and did a slow motion dive, shooting up at Mewtwo.

"Jesus Christ!" Mewtwo shouted, ducking behind the dome.

The Pope quickly hid behind the Obelisk, and continued shooting from there.

Mewtwo poked his head up and fired another bolt, making the Pope duck again.

The obelisk suddenly cracked, and began to topple over, leaving the Pope horribly exposed. Mewtwo took a second look over the dome and almost got an ear taken off.

"Damn-it, who knew the Pope was such a good shot?" Mewtwo said.

_In St. Peters…_

"HOW THE HELL DID WE GET HERE!" Link shouted. Several Priests looked as though they were about to faint.

"I don't know, I was just running!" Zelda shouted back.

"Well keep running, you morons, they're right over there!"

"GET BACK HERE!" One of the Swiss Guards shouted.

"WHY ON EARTH SHOULD WE?" Roy shouted back.

"Um…" The Swiss Guards stopped for a second to try and figure this one out.

The five were running down the steps at top speed, not taking time to notice that no one was in the square and the obelisk had fallen down.

"Let's… get… to the… hotel… FAST!" Marth shouted.

"That's… stating… the… obvious…" Link shouted back.

"Hey… that… guy… sort of… looks… like… the Pope!" Master Hand said, pointing to the Pope.

"You… moron… that… is… the Pope!" Link said.

Master Hand quickly stopped. "Let's take a small stop to snap a photo!"

"Are you insane?" Zelda said, having regained her breath.

"No, no! We must get a picture! I insist!" He grabbed the camera from Roy and was about to take a picture when Mewtwo chose to peak his head over the dome and fire another bolt, accidentally hitting Master Hand. The Pope hadn't realized that they were there and just noticed that Master Hand had blocked the shot.

"God has saved me! It is divine will for me to live!" The Pope skipped off, and tripped on a stone and fell into the fountain.

Link quickly grappled Mewtwo down. He didn't have time to do anything, for the Swiss Guards had finally figured out that they would stop if they caught them. Marth and Roy quickly grabbed Master Hand's unconscious form and quickly ran.

_Some Where in Rome…_

"Hi, has a giant hand checked in here?" Fox asked a hotel person for the three-hundredth and seventy-eighth time.

"Ah, yes. About twelve hours late, you know."

"YES! Ha-ha! Samus," He called on his radio. "I've found them!" He turned to the guy at the counter. "Alright, what room number are they in?"

"You know, punctuality is very important. It gets you places, finds people-"

"Give me there room number or I'll blast your head off." Fox pointed his blaster at the desk receptionist.

"Uh, uh…"

"I don't like the sound of that."

"Got late. Gave away room. Don't hurt me!"

"Damn." Fox pulled out his radio. "Samus, negative on that. Got there late. Lost reservations. How's the 'tourist spot check' coming?"

"Not so good. I've checked several places. No sign of them. Try a nearby hotel. They probably didn't go very far."

"Good idea." He turned back to the desk. "Alright. Exactly what is the nearest hotel?"

"This one."

"Besides this one."

"I'm afraid I'm not allowed to give that information."

"I'm not aloud to shoot you, but just watch me."

"The Other-Conveniently-Placed-Right-Next-To-The-Vatican Hotel. That way." He said, pointing the opposite direction of the Vatican.

"Thanks."

_The Really Long Named Hotel…_

"All right. We lie low for some time, and then get on a plane and go some where else. How's that for a plan?" Zelda was outlining a plan as everyone else either poured ice on Master Hand or tried to figure out how to tie down Mewtwo.

"That's a wonderfully good, but we need tickets." Master Hand pointed out from under the ice.

"I can get tickets!" Mewtwo shouted, from under several cords of rope.

"Fine, but it twill be me who chooses where we go." Master Hand said.

"… Well?"

"Well, what?"

"Where are we going?"

Master Hand thought about it. "Sandusky. Ohio."

"Huh? What have they got there?" Link asked.

"If you don't know, then you shouldn't be going. Quite a dangerous place, Sandusky."

"Huh?" Everyone asked.

"… Are you trying to tell me, that none of you have been to the wonders of Sandusky?" Everyone slowly shook there heads. "Wow. Might shame, but now we can complete your education. Dangerous place, Sandusky."

Darkwarrior17: Man, I would have had this chapter done yesterday, but I came down with a cold and could barely comprehend what I was writing. By the way, the date's November 8, 2005.


	5. Catch Me if You Can't

Darkwarrior17: Well, the first version of this got deleted somehow, but I didn't have much so that doesn't matter. The date is November 9, 2005. Other then that, I can't remember what I meant to write.

Reviews: Sorry I didn't answer these early.

Samusgirl: "Wag" is a combination of fright, surprise and a couple other emotions that express, well, shock. Also, I've pretty much been to every where you go in Rome, and yes, I did manage to see the new Harry Potter movie, which was very good. Also, my editor and I want to know: are you British?

Ri2: Mewtwo wanted to kill the pope because he wants to get rid of the Catholic religion. And I don't know why he has Uzis.

Yureidoru: I was wondering about the Air Wings vs. Airwings thing. I just wasn't sure and took a guess. Also, I think that a lot of random point less humor gets annoying after a while, but a lot of funny pointless humor gets added in the next three chapters, if you had read it all, you might know that.

Disclaimer: If I owned the Super Smash Brothers, there would be no need to put a disclaimer in.

Darkwarrior17: I feel like updating early. Please don't tell my editor. December 3, 2005.

One Smashing Vacation

V

Catch Me If You Can't

Ding!

Fox rang the little bell you ring when the person who's supposed to be there isn't. If nobody comes, it defeats the purpose of the bell.

Nobody came.

Ding!

He rang it again.

Nobody came.

DING!

This time, nobody came.

Fox was getting fairly frustrated right now. He had spent the entire night outside waiting for the bloody hotel to open, and now the stupid desk person wouldn't come. The stupid person had a stupid name to match their stupidity. "Out of Service". What kind of name was that? He banged the bell a few more times.

_In the Elevator, Headed Towards The Lobby…_

Mewtwo, Zelda, and Link were headed towards the lobby, where they could get breakfast. Mewtwo had been allowed to live under the condition that at least two people accompany him at all times. Guess which of the three wanted breakfast.

Ding!

"Don't go out." Mewtwo said.

"What? Why? You said you wanted breakfast!"

"I do. But there is an extremely annoyed creature out there, that we all know, that's looking for us."

"Samus?" Zelda breathed, looking very scared.

"No."

"Phew." Link and Zelda breathed a sigh of relief.

"It's Fox, and Samus is associated with him."

"Up, up, up, UP!" Link said, pressing the button.

Ding!

"Do you think he heard us?" Zelda breathed.

"No, he was too busy trying to get the booth that was out of order to answer him."

"Oh, good."

"Although, I'm betting we don't have much time."

_In Room 103…_

"YOU WHAT?"

"We saw Fox in the lobby, and apparently Samus is around as well." Link explained.

"Damn. Well, I guess we can go to Sandusky now, although we'll have to be careful." Master Hand went and opened the window.

"What are you doing?" Marth asked.

"Jumping."

"WHAT?"

"You heard me. And what's wrong with that? I can fly."

"We can't."

"Oh, well. I guess Mewtwo can lower you down."

"We'll jump." They said in unison.

"I thought so."

_Outside…_

"So, Fox, what was the name of the hotel?" Samus asked into her radio.

"TheOther-Conveniently-Placed-Right-Next-To-The-Vatican Hotel. Are you almost there?"

"Yeah, I'll be there shortly." Samus looked up. Something that looked suspiciously like a large hand was disappearing down a subway tunnel.

"Better yet, you get over here." Samus said into her radio.

"What? Why?"

"Shut up and just come on!"

_On The Subway Boarding Area…_

"Hey, did you see that person in the Varia Suit that looked like Samus?" Marth said.

"What?" Zelda said.

"You know, the one outside the subway."

"There was some one in a Varia suit _outside?_"

"Yeah. It was kind of weird."

"YOU COMPLETE MORON! Master Hand, we need to get out of here, fast!"

"Oh, God, there she is!"

Lucky for them, the train came then.

"GET ON AND SHUT THE DOOR!" Link ran into the subway and was almost immediately pushed out by the crowd of people.

"Damn, get on the one at the front!" Zelda, Marth, Roy, Mewtwo, and Master quickly ran to the front, with Link trailing behind.

Samus had now spotted them, and was also running now.

Marth quickly swung himself into the train, grabbed Zelda and Mewtwo, shoved them into seats, and tried to figure out how to shut the door.

"GET IN!"

Master Hand quickly jumped in, and Link did a slow motion dive as the doors began to close. His hat fell off in the process, and he quickly grabbed it just before the doors shut.

Samus slammed into the door.

"Ow." Then the train moved.

"Dammit!" She shouted and grappled onto the back of the train. It was now going about 30 miles per hour, and she was instantly tugged onto the tracks. Having little other choice, she curled up into a ball and let it drag her along. Before she did this, she shouted into her radio, "Get a cab to go to the Termini! Tell the driver to speed. If they don't want to, bribe them with five hundred bucks! MOVE IT! Over."

_At The Mansion…_

"We're so sorry we did, sir."

"Yes, we will never ever do something so heinous again."

"Please, never punish us again."

It had been a very long night of Star Wars and Lord of the Rings. Young Link and Ness had enjoyed every second of it. Game and Watch looked at the two triumphantly.

"Good, I expected as much. Now then, go to your rooms. You can come out tomorrow."

Young Link and Ness went to their rooms snickering.

"If he's in charge, then this is going to be great."

"With no Master Hand around, they have no control over us! No punishments, no early bed times, we can eat candy, coke, chips, whatever, whenever. We can do anything! THIS IS GREAT!"

_At Termini Station…_

"Quick, we've got to get onto the train that goes to the airport!" Link shouted, running up the stairs at full speed, pushing people aside as he determinedly made his way towards the ticket booth. Everyone else followed closely behind, and Samus detached her self from the metro.

"YOU WON'T MAKE-" Samus was about to say when the crowd of people ran over her to get onto the metro. (A/N: This is actually quite true. I was jostled quite a bit by people getting off the metro.)

Link turned the corner at top speed and ran into Fox, who was waiting near the ticket booths.

"Turn around, TURN AROUND!" Link shouted, quickly getting up and running in the other direction.

"Huh?" Everyone who was behind him said as he zoomed by.

Then they saw Fox get up.

"Ohhh, my head…"

"AHHHHH!"

_At the Mansion…_

"Hey, look at that squirrel burying nuts." Ness said, as Young Link, Kirby, Pikachu, and him ran around in the yard.

"I wonder how they know where they bury them."

"They can smell them, can't they?"

"Pika pika pika pikachu?"

"That could work…"

"And if it doesn't, the nuts alone will drive her mad…"

They quickly dug up the nuts and ran off with them. The squirrel came down from the tree where it had been gathering nuts and found that its hole had been dug up, and all the nuts taken.

"Squeak?" Now how would she feed her starving children for the winter? She began to get sad. She saw four fat kids running off with her nuts. Then she got angry. "Squeak squeak, squeakity!" She shouted, shaking her fist and vowing to get revenge.

_At the Termini…_

Link ran down the hall at top speed and was about to take the stairs down to line B when Samus nearly took his head off. He quickly switched directions and ran down the stairs toward line A, everyone else following closely. Samus made it upstairs at breakneck speed and was about to fire again when another mob of people ran her down.

Master Hand, Zelda, and Link had managed to jump into the leaving train before the doors closed, but Mewtwo, Marth and Roy got stranded.

"What the hell are you talking about? We're not stranded! I can teleport!" Mewtwo shouted.

Oh. Yeah. Right.

Mewtwo quickly teleported Marth and Roy into the Metro as it started to leave. Samus managed a glimpse of Marth, Roy, and Link mooning her before Fox ran at top speed over her, tripping on her helmet, and sending himself careening into the moving train.

_At the Ships…_

"I'm bored." Captain Falcon said.

"I'm more bored." Falco said.

"Yeah? Well, I'm so bored I think I'll go bury my head."

"Yeah? Well, I'm so bored I'm going to set myself on fire!"

"Whoopidydoo! I'm so bored, I'M going jump off the ship!"

"BIG WHOOP! I'm going to jump off the ship while on fire!"

"YEAH! WELL, I'M GOING TO JUMP OFF THE SHIP WHILE ON FIRE, COMPLETELY NAKED!"

"Here's the gasoline." Falco handed him a barrel of gasoline.

"Ah… There's nothing more entertaining then tricking a moron." Falco sighed as Captain Falcon went up in flames.

_At the Colosseo…_

"Ooh… The Coliseum! We must go there, I insist!" Master Hand ran out the train.

"WE'RE ON THE RUN, YOU COMPLETE MORON!" Link shouted. "Where are you going?" He said, turning to everyone else as they made their way out.

"To the Coliseum. Why?" Zelda said, calmly stepping out of the train.

"Uh… never mind."

"Oh darn, you have to pay to get in." Master Hand said.

"No problem. LOOK, A DISTRACTION!" Marth shouted, pointing.

"What? WHERE!" The security guy said, turning. The six quickly scooted threw the turnstile, while everyone looked for the distraction.

"Wow… It's big…"

"I wonder how many people got slaughtered here."

"I've probably killed more in my dungeon- I mean, uh… no idea." Zelda quickly said.

"HAHA! HEY, LOOK WHAT THAT CAT'S DOING! HAHA! IN PUBLIC, TOO! HAHA!" Link shouted, pointing at a cat that was doing its business on the center of the Coliseum.

Unfortunately for them, he shouted this and it could be heard all the way out on the sidewalk. Guess who happened to be running by at that moment.

Samus screeched to a stop when she heard Link shouting. Fox, who was running closely behind her, slammed into Samus for the second time that day.

"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING, OR I'LL MAKE IT SO YOU CAN'T EVEN MAKE IT OUT OF A BLANK ROOM WITH A MAP!" She shouted at the cowering Fox. "Also, did you hear that?"

"H-hear what, master?"

"That immature laughing. Could you hear that?"

"Um, well, sort of…"

"C'mon."

"Oh, dang, you have to pay to get in." Fox commented.

"No problem. LOOK, A BLASTER POINTED IN YOUR FACE!"

"What? WHERE?"

BOOM!

"That wasn't very nice." Fox said, looking at the ashes.

"He offended me last time I went on a plane. Now quit yapping and c'mon."

_Over There…_

"Oh, look there, some poor teenager has to dress up in a suit resembling Samus'."

"MOVE!"

Mewtwo quickly teleported them into the little rock cubicle things in the center of the Coliseum.

"Now, no one say anything." Mewtwo whispered.

BOOM!

The lot of them were blasted out of the Coliseum.

"Darn, a little too much power into that one…" Samus said.

_Outside the Coliseum…_

"Ow…"

"No kidding…"

"Well better move, otherwise she'll catch up with us…"

"I hear there's a cemetery round here…"

"Oh, good, I have to go to the bathroom."

_Inside the Protestant Cemetery…_

"Whoa…"

"Whoa…"

"Whoa…

"Whoa…

"Whoa…"

"Quite. Amazing, tisn't it."

"Um, yeah."

The graveyard was huge. And full of big stones. And dead rich people. And cats.

"Mmm… Cats… The most intelligent of creatures…" Mewtwo said happily. "Wait. Did I say that outloud?"

_Outside the Protestant Cemetery…_

"So you tracked them to here? HOW?"

"They had traces of plasma stuff on them. I can track that."

"Oh. Really?"

"No."

"Oh."

"OF COURSE I CAN YOU IDIOT! I WOULDN'T HAVE SAID IT OTHERWISE!"

_Inside the Protestant Cemetery…_

"OF COURSE I CAN, YOU IDIOT! I WOULDN'T HAVE SAID IT OTHERWISE!"

"Oooooh boy…" Link said.

"All right then… It's not like there's a terribly large amount of places to hide, being in a cemetery and all."

"…Yeah… Right… Let's split up…"

_About Ten Seconds Later…_

"Hmmmm… Either they split up, or they've been going in all sorts of directions in one group. I'll bet the former." Samus said. "Fox, you take the left path and I'll take the right."

"Sure thing."

Fox slowly walked down the path. No one there. Figures. Samus probably led him down the wrong trail on purpose so she could take the glory, he thought to himself.

Just then, Roy came running down the path at top speed, slamming into Fox and knocking the wind out of both him and Fox.

"Ow. Oh, crap." Roy said, getting up, and starting to run, with Fox closely behind.

Roy quickly found Marth on accident, pulled him into Fox' way and started running. Fox collided with Marth, and after a quick tussle, Marth started running after Roy, swearing that he would kill him, with Fox running after him.

_Next to Thomas Keats' Tomb…_

Mewtwo was looking at a large gravestone.

"'Thomas Keats: Here lies one whose name is writ in water.' What the heck does that mean?"

"Reow!" Mewtwo looked down. There was a small white cat who was scratching itself on his legs.

"Shoo."

"Reow reow! Reow, reoooooW? Mmm…"

"No, go away, don't call your friends."

"Reow!"

"Raow!"

"Mreow!"

"SHOO! SHOO, YOU STUPID-" He suddenly stopped and thought about it. "Or obey my every command…"

"REOW!"

_Down the Path…_

"Please don't hurt me!" Roy said, as Marth grabbed onto his coat.

"STOP HURTING ME!" Marth said, trying to block Roy's random kicks.

"I AM SO GOING TO HURT-" Fox was saying, until a cat bit his tail.

"YEOW!"

"RRRrrrRRRrrrRRRrrrRRRRRRRR!" The cat growled, as it was flung around.

"OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!" Fox managed to fling it off.

"Grrrrr…"

"Grrrrr…"

"Meow!"

"Uh oh…" Fox said, slowly backing his way into a gravestone.

_Somewhere else…_

Samus slowly walked down the trail. There had been one trail until just now, where it split into three directions. Samus cursed silently until she noticed a conspicuously large hand.

"Hey, you!" Samus shouted, and pointed her blaster at him.

"Huh?" said a tourist with a large novelty hand on.

Samus started cursing again until a conspicuously larger hand tripped over her.

"Oh dear, I'm so sorry, oh…" Master Hand noticed that it was Samus. "Excuse me, but I'm afraid I've got to run. Sure you understand, ta ta!" Master Hand ran off down the path.

"You…" Samus started running after him. "Die…" She pointed her blaster at him. "Now!"

Wham!

"HAHA! Link one, Samus zero!" Link shouted, brandishing the invisible sword that Samus had just run smack dab into.

"Hey, it worked!" Zelda said, climbing over one of the gravestones.

"Wait, you weren't sure this would work? Why on earth did you make me do it?" Master Hand said.

"So we could get rid of Samus. And you're no longer British."

"Hey… You're right! Should I have Mewtwo change me back?"

No, it was getting annoying to write.

"Oh…"

"I wonder where Fox is…"

"COMING THROUGH!" Fox ran at top speed down the path with several dozen cats following.

Mewtwo calmly walked down the pathway, watching the cats. Master Hand turned to him.

"I suppose this is your doing, isn't it."

"What on earth gave you that notion? And you seem less British."

"Yes, apparently it was a problem to type."

"Ah."

Darkwarrior17: Man, this one took a while to type. The date is December 1, 2005. So, nearly a month to finish.

Streek-has-returned471: I didn't want to reply to you at the beginning of this chapter, because it would kind of ruin this ending. I made Master Hand un-British because, as it says in the chapter, it was hard to type. I kept ending up going back and trying to figure out if it was British enough, and it wasn't terribly funny in the first place. And then I got your review and I was like screw it.

**Survey! **That's right; I'm now doing a survey! On what, you say? Well… let's put it this way. I'm not quite sure on where they go after Sandusky. So, I'm pretty much cheating. Heh…

Choices:

London, England

Tokyo, Japan

Cairo, Egypt

Darkwarrior17: You have two weeks! Or three, I might be a little late on this next chapter.


	6. Master Hand, Is Sandusky a Drug Joint?

Darkwarrior17: Once again, I'm back! Hmm, that sounds weird. Sort of redundant. Whatever.

Reviews: To all those who reviewed on the Survey: Thank you! You've been a great help. The suggestions you gave me are good, but I'm kind of going to go with my own thing. But, you have given me a few good ideas. Don't be surprised if your ideas are in the chapter, just slightly different.

Darkwarrior17: I am putting this story on hold for two or three or four weeks while I write more chapters. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Disclaimer: ♫♪ I don't own squat! I don't own squat! ♪♫

One Smashing Vacation

VI

Master Hand, Is Sandusky a Drug Joint?

"Nice to know we're headed home…" Zelda said, lying back in her seat. They were on flight 11, headed to the nearest airport to Sandusky.

"Yes. And on the plus side, Samus has no idea where we're going."

_Elsewhere…_

"There. Sandusky, Ohio. Now we have an idea of where they are." Samus logged off. She had been out for several hours while Fox had dragged her back to their ships, where they had found Falco hyperventilating and Captain Falcon trying to put his flames out.

"Fox, let's go, and this time you navigate."

"Right."

_At the airport closest to Sandusky…_

"Wow. We made a flight without any incidents." Master Hand commented.

"What was the incident last time?" Zelda asked.

"Uh…"

"Oh, and by the way, everyone else elected me to ask you this: Master Hand, is Sandusky a drug joint?"

"Huh?"

"You heard me!"

"Of course not, you idiots! My god, what is it with you people! Haven't you heard of Cedar Point? The world's best theme park!"

"I've heard of Cedar Point! Some people drive right by it to go to Six Flags. Someone said so on the commercial."

"Those people are illogical and stupid. And wasn't that commercial years ago?"

"SHUT UP! Do you realize how obnoxious you're being?" Marth said. "Now, how are we getting to Cedar Point?"

"Taxi. And we've got reservations at the Breakers, so let's stop off there first." Mewtwo said.

_At the Breakers Hotel…_

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE DON'T HAVE RESERVATIONS!" All six of them shouted at the guy at the desk.

"I'm sorry, but you only filled out this form." The guy said, holding up a sheet of paper.

"Yeah, that's the reservation forms, isn't it?" Mewtwo said.

"No, this is the pre-reservation form. You need to fill this one out in triplicate, then fill out the reservation forms in triplicate, and then send that by mail, fax, and e-mail. And then you have to make reservations on the phone."

BOOM!

"Don't mess with me!" Mewtwo said to the now black and smoking guy at the desk.

"I'm-cough- sorry, sir, but-cough, cough-those are the standard-cough- procedures."

"Fine. I'm sure there are other hotels worthy of us."

"Oh, you're worthy of grunge?"

_At the Mansion…_

"Hey… why are there nuts in my dress?" Peach asked as she took one of her dresses out of her closet. "And my bed?" She said, looking at the nuts all over her sheets. "AND MY-"

_In the Dining Room…_

"WHO PUT NUTS IN MY UNDERWEAR DRAWER?" Peach shouted, holding a fistful of the underwear. When they hit each other they made a clacking sound and several nuts fell out.

"Um, I don't know, but there's a squirrel nibbling at your-" Game and Watch was pointing out when…

"AHHHHHHHH! FURRY RAT-THING! AHHHHHHHHHH!" Peach shrieked and ran away, dropping the nut-filled underwear, kicking the squirrel that was biting her shoes. The squirrel sailed threw the air and landed in Ganondorf's hair.

"AHHHHH! GET IT OFF ME!" Ganondorf jumped out of his chair and tried to hit the squirrel off.

"HOLD STILL!" Bowser grabbed Ganondorf shoulder and-

WHAM!

"Ow." The squirrel had jumped off at the last second and Bowser had hit Ganondorf. Ganondorf fell to the floor, his eyes crossed. The squirrel jumped into Nana's hood and down her parka.

"EEEH!" Nana ran into the wall and the squirrel jumped onto the chandelier. D.K. smashed it (the chandelier, not the squirrel) and the squirrel jumped into Bowser's shell.

Ganondorf had gotten up by now and saw Bowser trying to get the squirrel out of his shell.

"Here, let me give you a hand." Ganondorf punched Bowser in the stomach. Bowser clutched his stomach and collapsed, and the squirrel jumped out of his shell and under the table. Everyone was vacating the dining room, and Game and Watch grabbed Mario and Luigi and shoved them back into the room.

"TAKE CARE OF THE SQUIRREL, AND DON'T COME OUT UNTIL IT'S GONE!" Game and Watch shoved them in and locked the door.

_At the Grungy Inn…_

"Um, three rooms, please." Master Hand said to the desk receptionist. The guy had a green mohawk and piercings on the lips, nose, ears, and cheeks.

"Whatever, man." The guy said, handing them a few keys.

_Upstairs, at the entrance to rooms 104, 105, and 106…_

"Master Hand, there is someone in our room." Zelda said, pointing to a fat lazy guy watching TV.

"Yeah, ours as well." Marth said.

"Yes, well, go in there and beat the living hell out of em'."

"…"

"What? YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?"

"Um, you usually discourage us beating up civilians."

"FINE! Go beat up the doped-up loser who gave us these rooms!"

"With pleasure." Mewtwo said, floating off down the hall.

_At the Mansion…_

"Stay calm, everyone. Please, stay calm!" Game and Watch tried to get everyone's attention. It's near impossible, but there are a few actions of complete idiocy that will get their attention. Captain Falcon has demonstrated one of them; now let's look at another:

G & W: "All-" slap! "my-" slap! "fault!" slap!

Everyone stopped talking and watched him slap himself.

"Here, let me help you." Ganondorf said.

SLAP!

"Ow. Um, yes, Mario and Luigi are taking care of the squirrel presently, so now let's move on to-"

"Wait. You're going to stop slapping yourself?"

"Yes, I was trying to get your attention."

"…"

"Is there some sort of problem with that?"

"Why didn't you ask?"

"I did! Oh never mind, anyway, I would like to figure out who put the nuts in Peach's drawer!"

"Um, we're pretty sure that it was either Ness, Young Link, Kirby, or Pikachu who did it. Or all of em."

"Hey, where are they, anyway?"

_Upstairs in the Riot-Safe Room…_

"WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"THAT WAS HILAROUS! DID YOU SEE PEACH KICK THAT SQUIRREL?"

"PIKA PIII!"

"TOTALLY! And when it went down Nana's parka! It was all I could do to keep from laughing!"

"That was great, you know, when Bowser hit Ganondorf!"

"I know!"

"Hee hee, and it's not like they can connect us to it either!"

WHAM!

"OW, MY FOOT!"

"AS SOON AS WE GET THE THIS DOOR OPEN, I'M GOING TO ADVISE YOU OF MY RIGHTS! I mean your rights! God dammit, I thought I was good at this!"

"Shut up and get the door open!"

"Hey, Yoshi, come here!"

WHAM!

The door fell down, revealing Game and Watch and Dr. Mario holding Yoshi in a battering ram position. Yoshi did not appear hurt; in fact, he looked as though he had enjoyed it immensely.

"You're under arrest for planting nuts in Miss Peach's bedroom. You have the right to remain silent; anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law." Game and Watch beeped, cuffing Young Link and Ness while Dr. Mario cuffed Pikachu and Kirby.

"I didn't know we had a court of law!" Ness said as they hauled him off.

"Shut up, convict!"

"We're not convicted though!"

_At the Entrance to Cedar Point…_

The six Smashers had abandoned their hotel after beating the weirdo at the desk until he gave them good room. (They weren't necessarily better, but this time they didn't have people in them.)

"Jeez, this cost a lot. Right, here's fifty dollars, meet back here in 3 hours."

"Master Hand, that's less then the line for the Top Thrill Dragster." Roy pointed out.

"It's closed today. And a lot of other days. In fact, it's only open on weekends, sunny days, and in the summer."

"Fine. Millennium."

"One hour long line."

"Yeah, right. Like it takes that long. How do you know this stuff, anyway?"

"Uh… The Internet!"

_Back at the Mansion…_

"Here squirrelly, squirrelly, squirrelly, squirrelly… Here squirrelly, squirrelly, squirrelly, squirrelly…" Mario said, looking around the dining room.

"Where the heck could it have gone?" Luigi asked. As if to answer his question, the squirrel appeared outside the window. Then a bunch of other squirrels crawled up onto the window. Then they started hitting it with nuts. Then the glass began to crack.

"Um, Mario?"

"Shut-a up-a! I think-a I found-a something."

Then the glass cracked some more. Then it cracked some more.

"MARIO!"

"WHAT!"

Then the glass broke.

"Oh…"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-" Breath, breath, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-mphh!" A squirrel jumped into Lugui's mouth.

"Run-a!" Mario stated the obvious.

More squirrels were pouring through the window and they began tying Luigi while Mario ran out of the room.

_At Cedar Point…_

"So what do you want to do?" Master Hand asked Mewtwo.

"What else is there to do besides go on rides?" Mewtwo said.

"Not much. Which ride first?"

"Let's go with the Wildcat."

Master Hand looked at him funny.

"What? PLENTY OF PEOPLE LIKE THE WILDCAT!"

"Yes, but they aren't giant cats themselves."

"RRRRR, I wouldn't do this if there was a roller coaster called the Wild Hand!"

"No, you'd do something worse."

"Never mind. Let's just go already."

"Someone's a little irritable today. Kitty lover."

"SHUT UP!"

_At the Mansion…_

Wham! Wham!

Popo whammed his hammer on the stand.

"This court is now in session. Alright, here we have Princess Peach of Mushroom Land-"

"Mushroom KINGDOM!" Peach shouted.

"Do I have to sedate you already? Where was I?… Mushroom Kingdom vs. the little offenders."

"We have names, you know!" Young Link shouted.

"Look, I'm not afraid to have Nana shoot a dart into your neck, so shut up. Now then, how do you plead?"

"We plead-"

"ANGRY SQUIRRELS ARE ATTACKING THE MANSION!"

"Look, the last case tried that and it didn't work, so can we just continue?"

"That wasn't me-"

"Come on-a, they've got Luigi!" Mario (for it was Mario who had interrupted the court) shouted, banging his fist onto the table.

WHAM!

"SHUT UP! I've got a court to run!"

"Your Honor, if that is your real name, I do believe that you are not a certified judge." Ness said.

"How would you know?" Popo said.

"I am psychic, you know. Now, to the point. I believe that since you have no legal documents to rule anything, I appoint myself judge. I rule that Peach is a brat and that she should pay the defendants 500 dollars."

"Hey! Can you prove that you have legal documents?" Peach said.

"I have them right here." Ness pulled out an official looking piece of paper. Peach looked at it and turned to her lawyer.

"Is this real?"

"If it isn't it's a very good forgery. But, it could be a fake. Your Honor, or if you are proven to be your Honor, I would like to adjourn for a while to figure out if these are legal or not."

"WHAT-A THE HELL-A IS WITH-A YOU PEOPLE! WHY-A DON'T YOU DO-A SOMETHING ABOUT-A THE SQUIRRELS!" Mario shouted.

Everyone looked at him. Then they turned back to Ness.

"All right then. Court will be adjourned for forty-eight hours in order to find out if my papers are legal and all. When we get back and they are legal, Peach will award the defendants five-hundred dollars."

"BUT WHAT ABOUT THE NUT CASE!" Peach shouted.

"Oh yeah. The defendants will be found innocent."

Peach started cursing profusely and she and her lawyer walked off toward the door.

WHAM!

The doors were knocked inward and squirrels grabbed Peach.

"AHHHHHH! FURRY RAT THINGS! Save me, lawyer!"

The lawyer looked at the squirrels and then Peach.

"I can sue them if you want."

"Do so! NOW!"

"I'll have to get the legal documents." And the lawyer poofed off to his office.

The rest of the smashers ran off screaming to the upper floor, where they locked themselves in the bomb shelter. All except for Kirby.

"LET ME IN! PLEASE!"

"NO!"

Kirby ran off into pantry, where he cried and ate tons of food.

_At Cedar Point, or About 1000 feet above…_

"Fox, you'll want to park your ships in the docks over there. We'll park in the middle of the lake." Samus said as she slowly lowered her ship into the waters of Lake Erie, or the E in the handy trick HOMES.

"Right then. We meet up with you at the, lets say, Wicked Twister?"

"No, I hate that ride."

"Shut up, Falco, I never get to go on it."

"And you're not going today. Well meet you at the Ferris Wheel."

"Wait, isn't that right next to the Wicked Twister?"

"I TOLD YOU! We're not going on it today!"

"Um, yeah, guys, how 'bout we meet up when we catch Master Hand. Over and out." Samus turned off the communicator.

"Are we going to get to go on the Merry-Go-Round? The slow one, not the fast one, right, right, right?" Captain Falcon asked.

"Falcon, you're a racer of the fastest, most insane race ever. We're in the theme park with the fastest roller coasters ever, and all you want to go on is the Merry-Go-Round. What is with you, man?"

"I dunno. I just like Merry-Go-Rounds."

Darkwarrior17: Oh jeez, this one was close. Readers DO NOT EXPECT AN UPDATE ON THE 18th. I might update or I might not. The date is December 8, 2005.

**The Survey So Far:**

**Cairo: 3**

**Tokyo: 3**

**London: 2**

Darkwarrior17: It's fairly close. You have a two or three weeks before they go anywhere. REVIEW AND END THIS TIE!


	7. Are You There, God? Please Give Me Aspir

Darkwarrior17: I running behind on chapters, so I'm going to write, write, write, write, write, write to get ahead.

Editor: Yeah, right.

Darkwarrior17: Well, of course I'm not going to work now! I'm inches from falling asleep where I type, I'm leaving for Boy Scout camp as soon as Dad packs, and my throat, head and stomach hurt. The date's December 10, 2005. Cough, hack.

Darkwarrior17: Sunday the 18th. I'm writing this on the same day I wrote that thing at the bottom. Well, I met my deadline. I guess I should be happy for that. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Kwanza, what ever. New Years, too.

Reviews/Survey:

**Tokyo: 6**

**London: 3**

**Cairo: 3**

Samusgirl1500: Actually, the Nut Case thing wasn't on purpose. I noticed it when my editor was editing. We had quite a laugh over it, actually.

One Smashing Vacation

VII

Are You There, God? Please Give Me Aspirin.

The sun was shining… The birds were singing… and Captain Falcon was whining.

"Why'd we have to park the ship three miles off shore?" Captain Falcon asked for the fifth time.

"Once again, because we don't want Master Hand to know we're coming." Samus replied, rowing the emergency life boat to shore.

"Why didn't you park two miles away?"

"You would still be complaining."

"Shut up."

_Outside the Wicked Twister…_

"Please, can I go on it?"

"I don't like that ride. Stop asking." Falco replied, dragging Fox away from the ride. "Plus, we're supposed to look for Master Hand."

"Oh, if we're really not supposed to go on rides, then we'll just look for them from really high places…"

"Hmmm… Where could we find these really high places?"

"Well…"

"Not the Wicked Twister."

"Power Tower."

"Let's go."

_Outside The Mean Streak…_

"Ow, my head…" Zelda said, walking out of the Mean Streak.

"You would think a ride that's over a mile in length would be less bumpy." Link said, scratching his head. "Here, I'll go get you something to eat. That should perk you up."

"Ow…" Zelda sat down on a bench and clutched her head. "Are you there, God? It's me, Zelda. Please give me aspirin."

"Mmm… No, I enjoy your suffering."

"Huh?"

"You are inferior to me… I will let you suffer…"

"Mewtwo, shut up."

"…"

"Zelda? Zelda, I got food."

"Huh?"

"Can you believe a giant pretzel, cotton candy, a hot dog, and two large cokes cost $12.39?"

"Ow, my head and stomach…"

_At the Mansion…_

"Squeak squeak squeak." The pink one smells of nuts.

"Squeak, squeaker." Yes, she was also the one who kicked me.

"Squeak?" Did she take the nuts?

"Squeak, squeak squeaky." No, it was four fat ones.

The squirrels were standing around their hostages, inspecting them. They had gagged Luigi and Peach and tied them up. Peach had long since fainted, but Luigi was conscious, and he had a terrified look on his face.

"Squeaky." Hmm… The leader squirrel turned and ran into a big, fat, pink squirrel.

"Squeak squeaker!" You're fat!

"Squeaker squeak." And you're ugly.

"Squeaky squeaker?" Who are you?

"Squeak… Squeak squeaky!" Uh… The Duke of Chestnut!

"Kirby, what the hell are you doing?" Luigi asked the "Duke of Chestnut".

Kirby quickly kicked him in the jaw. "Squeaker, squeak!" Shut up, captive! He turned to the ugly squirrel. "Squeak, squeak squeaky." I'm taking over here.

"Squeak squeaky squeaker squeaky! Squeak squeak squeaky!" What do you mean taking over? There is no Duke of Chestnut!

"Squeak squeaky squeak." Yes, there is.

"AHHHHH! CAN'T LISTEN ANYMORE!" Luigi shouted. The two "squirrels" looked at him for a second and then began to beat each other up.

_Outside the Wild Cat…_

"That was fun. Now what?" Master Hand said, walking out of the Wild Cat.

"Iron Dragon, right over there." Mewtwo said.

"Goody."

_At the Docks…_

"Ah… good to be out of that boat." Captain Falcon said, getting out of the boat.

"You could have helped row." Samus said, crawling out of the boat.

"Huh?"

"I need a break… First stop, somewhere where I can get a drink…"

"Then the Gemini!"

"Ugh…"

_Outside the Mantis…_

"I feel sick…" Marth said, getting off the Mantis.

"So do I…" Roy said, also climbing off the Mantis.

"Excuse me, ma'am, where's the nearest bathroom?" Marth asked the nearest employee.

"First you go down those stairs, then you go down to that big road, then you turn left, then right, then go straight a little ways, and then go through the building there, and there should be a bathroom there."

"How about trash can?" Roy asked. His stomach gurgled threateningly.

"Over there-" The girl was immediately bowled over as the two made a dash for the trash can.

_The Gemini, several rides later…_

"Ah… The Gemini… Classic Wooden Racing Coaster." Master Hand said.

"It's a fifteen minute wait. I bet ten bucks we get on in less then ten." Mewtwo said.

"You're on."

"I just had a sudden urge to get behind those freaks," everyone in line said.

"That wasn't fair." Master Hand grumbled.

"Pay up. And go faster."

"Why?"

"Samus is coming this way."

"Uh oh."

"Yep."

"How the hell did she find us?"

"I don't know, but if you don't move, she's going to catch us."

"Aw, damn, there they go!" Samus said.

"Yah! We get to go on the Gemini!" Captain Falcon said gleefully.

"We might not if you hurry up."

"In that case…"

"MOVE!" She turned to the first person in line. "Get out of way, before I blast."

The person looked down the barrel of her gun and quickly moved aside.

"THE REST OF YOU, GET OUT OF MY WAY!"

They quickly did.

_At the Power Tower…_

"All right, get ready to shoot up on three."

"One…"

"Two…"

"THREE!"

Fox and Falco shot their blasters straight up as the Power Tower pushed them up.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU THIS WAS FASTER THEN A LASER!"

"I'LL PAY YOU WHEN I CAN REACH MY WALLET!"

_At the Gemini…_

"Quick, which one do you want to get on, the red or blue?"

"Red goes faster. C'mon!"

Master Hand and Mewtwo quickly got on the blue car, and Samus made it up the stairs just in time to see them taking off.

"Damn it all." She said, jumping onto the track and running after the blue train.

"You're not allowed to do that, sir!" One of the employees said as she ran across the tracks. When will they ever learn?

Samus quickly shot the poor person and continued running up the track.

Captain Falcon looked at her for a second and then got in line.

Samus grappled the train, pulled herself up and got into an empty back seat. The kid next her was playing a Gameboy and looked up.

"Are you really a girl?"

Samus stared at him for a second and then charged her blaster.

"Who plays a Gameboy on a roller coaster?" She thought to herself.

"Who wears full armor out in public?" The kid thought to himself.

_Several Dozen Yards Away…_

"Samus, away!" Master Hand said, holding out his pinky for a high five. Mewtwo looked at it for a second and then shook his head.

"Don't leave me hanging!" Master Hand said, shaking his pinky.

"No, it's not that…" Mewtwo pointed back at the blue train as they went down the largest hill. Master Hand turned back.

"I don't see…"

"Wait for a turn." … … … … … …

"Oh crud-"

"GET DOWN!"

BOOM!

Samus' blast blew off part of the train close to Master Hand and Mewtwo.

"WOW! THAT WAS AMAZING! Do it again, do it again!" The kid sitting next to Samus had stopped playing the Gameboy to watch.

"If you shut up, I will!"

"Sorry."

"SHOOT SOMETHING AT HER! Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot!" Master Hand started hitting Mewtwo with his pinky.

"Shut up! Why don't you!"

"I can't, I can't turn around-"

"What makes you think I can-"

"Just do something, otherwise-"

"What makes you think-AHHHHHHH!" A turn pulled them sharply to the right, making one of Samus' shots just miss them.

_At the Demon Drop…_

"WHEEEE!" Fox shouted as they fell.

"I could do this all day!" Falco said when they reached the bottom.

"Want to?" Fox asked.

"Okay!"

_Outside Snake River Falls…_

"I'm SOAKED! Why did we go on that in the first place?" Zelda asked, getting off the ride. "Is my dress see-through?" She asked Link.

"Zelda, your dress was mildly see-through to begin with. Do you think it's see through?"

"I don't think I could get anymore wet." Zelda stated, ignoring Link.

WOOSH!

The wave from the ride as the log flume went down the hill nearly knocked Zelda and Link off the bridge, and got them infinitely wet.

"Since there seems to be no point in getting dry, want to go on Thunder Canyon?" Link asked.

Zelda was choking and sputtering on the water.

"I'll take that as a yes." Link grabbed her and dragged her off.

_Back On the Gemini…_

"DO SOMETHING, PLEASE! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!" Master Hand tried to hold onto Mewtwo, but all he could really manage to do was push his pinky into Mewtwo.

"Ow, ow, ow! Stop that!"

"AHHHH! SHE'S FIRING A MISSLE!"

"GET OFF ME!" Mewtwo teleported out of his seat.

"Mewtwo? AHHHHH!"

Boom!

As the missile hit its target, Master Hand was blown into a billion pieces.

**THE END**

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

Okay, fine, it's not the end.

As the missile hit its target, Master Hand was blown out of his seat and onto the sidewalk.

"THANK YOU LORD!" Master Hand kissed the ground. How, I have no idea.

"This is a pathetic display." Mewtwo floated over. "I'm bored. Come on."

_Wherever Marth and Roy Were_…

Marth and Roy were sick to their stomachs. They had upchucked on the Mantis, hurled after the Raptor, gave away lunch at the sight of the Demon Drop, contributed to the water on that one water ride, and were now losing an elephant ear to a trash can, at the sight of a hot dog stand.

"Ohh…" Roy moaned.

"Let's find Master Hand and get out of here…"

"If you are experiencing motion sickness caused by one of the rides, sign this document." An employee handed him a form and Roy signed it.

"Do we get pills or something?" Marth asked.

"No, now you can't sue. Bye."

"You know I think I have a second wind coming." Marth said, unsheathing his blade as the employee walked off.

"Do you want to kill him or the park?" Roy asked, also unsheathing his sword.

"How 'bout both?"

Darkwarrior17: This seemed like a good place to stop. Although, this being Sunday the 18th, I realized that so far I have been only been able to produce on chapter a week. I gave my self three weeks, two of which I'll be out of town. Do the math. And don't forget to add in that this is the first week. In other words, I'm screwed. Seeing that, I'm going to update now. I'll take my break later. But, for real this time, I won't update next week, because it's Christmas. And I won't be likely to update the week after either. That's New Years. Well, I'll update as soon as possible, but definitely not the next two weeks.


	8. Smashy, Smashy, Runny Runny!

Darkwarrior17: Since I have nothing better to do (yes that's right, I have nothing better too do) I decided to start writing this chapter. Also, I just received a review from vic, and, no offense to you vic, I JUST FRICKING POSTED A STORY! I'm sorry, but it's slightly irritating. Maybe I should just call it a night.

Editor: You just started.

Darkwarrior17: Yeah, so? And what happened to Genny? I know you aren't her because I HAVE TO FORCE HER TO EDIT THIS THING… that's it, you know what, I'll get back to this… To tired to be productive without being crabby… Read my new story… the dates the 28th of January…

Editor that is not Genny: There's supposed to be a colon after that what.

_The next day…_

Darkwarrior17: Oh yeah, I'm supposed to write this. Okay, reviews next.

**Black mage jr**: Once again I would like to thank you for giving me the idea for my new story. I don't really think that I answered your first question very well in that story (I might have, but it was probably a little vague) so here's my answer: Crazy Hand could probably run up a few more debts to pay if he was left in charge. Okay, second question: I do the minute thing so that you know how much time has passed. I could say _later_ but this seems easier. Last question: Why did I call Popo's hammer a gavel? Real simple: that's what it was being used for at the time.

**Vic**: sorry for the earlier outburst, I hadn't slept for some time. Well, I guess I'm updating now. Yeah…

Reviews from my other story, What the Hell is Going on up There, Anyway?

**someone who you are not**: Well, I'm not entirely sure about a sequel, but if I do decide to write one, it will be sometime, because I'm working on this right now. A sequel would be fun, though.

Darkwarrior17: You know what? Since it's been a long time since I've updated, and, well, **SPOILER**, they're getting out of Cedar Point and everything, and I've got nothing better to do, I'm going to update. Don't expect an update this Sunday. Maybe next. Hope everybody had a happy Valentines Day. January 15, 2006. P.S. THEY'RE GOING TO TOKYO!

Disclaimer: I own nothing… Or do I?

One Smashing Vacation

VIII

Smashy Smashy! Runny Runny!

And once again, I am forced to start a chapter with a loud noise. For those of you who are confused, see my other story.

BOOM!

Wooooosh!

Water poured from the aquarium, and Marth and Roy exited through the hole they had just made in the aquarium wall.

"Man, who knew dolphins were so disagreeable? All right, what do we destroy next?"

"Dunno… Let's ask Fox and Falco. Hey Fox!"

"Hey Marth, what's up?" Fox asked.

"Well, we're destroying Cedar Point, so, what should we destroy next?"

"Well, we've been on the Power Tower and the Demon Drop, so destroy those."

"Okay, see you around."

Marth and Roy walked off. Fox turned to Falco and asked "Want to go on the Wicked Twister?"

_ At that swing ride…_

"Link, we've been on this ride fifteen times and my dress is still wet and see-through. People are staring at me." Zelda complained.

"People stare at me all that time."

"No offense, but that's not really comforting."

_Wherever Master Hand and Mewtwo are…_

"Where the heck are they? We've been searching forever!" Master Hand shouted, as he looked around for Zelda, Link, Marth and Roy. Mewtwo was much less urgent on the matter.

"Look, they'll be simple enough to find."

"What? We're in an amusement park for crying out loud!"

"Yes, that actually helps. All we have to do is hang around the more popular rides and we'll eventually find them."

"Or, you could contact them psychically."

"… No, I don't think that will be necessary."

"Huh? Why not?"

There was suddenly a loud booming noise from the Power Tower, and it began to collapse.

"Don't tell me…" Master Hand said.

"Yep."

"Sigh… Can we go any more into debt?"

There was a booming noise from the Demon Drop. It suddenly collapsed.

"The answer is yes. Also we may want to move on. Samus is on our tail."

"Damn."

_At the Mansion…_

"Squeak… squeaker squeak…" There… now that we know there _is_ a Duke of Chestnut, let's ransack their mansion.

The scratched up Duke of Chestnut cough Kirby cough stood over the unconscious form of the other squirrel.

"Squeaky squeaker!" We must destroy the Smashers!

"Squeak… squeaker?" Uh… Destroy?

"Squeak, squeak!" Yes, destroy!

"Squeak squeaky squeaker." We're here for the nuts.

"SQUEAK? SQUEAKER SQUEAKY SQUEAK?" What? YOU'RE HERE FOR NUTS?

"SQUIRRELY!" Crazy Hand shouted.

"SQUEAK!" CRAZY! The squirrels shouted.

"Squeak squeak squeaky squeaker squeaky squeaker squeak!" I haven't seen you guys in for ever!

"What the hell?" Luigi asked. "HOW DID YOU GET HERE? Everybody else lock themselves up in the bomb shelter! And have them untie us!"

"Squeak squeaker squeaky." Could you untie my friends?

"Squeak squeaky squeak." Oh, sure thing.

"NO! NO! DON'T RELEASE THEM! AHHHH!" Kirby ripped out his fake squirrel hair.

"Squeak! Squeaky squeaker squeak!" Hey! He's the one who took my nuts! (A/N: It's getting harder and harder to use the word 'nuts' appropriately.) The poor squirrel who had had its nuts stolen (A/N: Sorry!) pointed at Kirby.

"Oh crap."

"Squeak squeaker!" GET HIM!

"AHHH!" Kirby ran for his life. Where to? Actually, I don't really care.

_Back at Cedar Point…_

"I think I see Master Hand!" Samus shouted, pointing at (duh duh-duh dah!) Master Hand.

"I want a hot dog." Captain Falcon whined. Samus failed to hear this because she was already sprinting towards Master Hand and Mewtwo, who were also running. "Oh… Samus, wait for me!" Captain Falcon ran after her.

"Into the Hall of Mirrors!" Master Hand shouted, running inside.

"Cedar Point doesn't have a Hall of Mirrors." Mewtwo said, also entering the building.

"Yeah, but it's for the convenience of those movies or books or T.V. shows to have one in every theme park. I think it was some sort of law."

"No it wasn't."

"Shut up, you'll get us caught."

Samus walked in. There were thousand of Mewtwos and Master Hands standing around. Samus raised her blaster, covered her eyes, and fired in a random direction. This shattered several dozen mirrors, but failed to hit Master Hand. Samus fired in another direction. This time it took out a good part of a wall, and the building collapsed on the three of them.

"Samus, I said I want a hot dog!" Captain Falcon ran up to the ex-house of mirrors. "Oh…"

"I hate houses of mirrors! I hate them! Hate them, hate them, hate them!" Mewtwo's voice said from behind a pile of rubble.

"Oh, shut up. It's not that bad."

"Not that bad? You're as stupid as your brother!"

"He's a lot smarter then everyone thinks. You should know that."

"True, he does seem to emit more brain waves than you, BUT THAT'S NOT SAYING MUCH!"

"Shut up and help me find Marth and Roy."

"I would but I need to get this glass out of my tail."

"Wimp. You should be thankful that we got out alive."

Captain Falcon watched as the two walked off, and then ran off, trying to find Fox and Falco.

_Twenty minutes later, at the Cedar Point Space Needle…_

"THERE! They're outside the Mine Ride!" Master Hand shouted, pointing down at where Zelda and Link where.

"What? How can you see that far? My vision isn't even that good!"

Before Master Hand had time to reply, the tower started to fall down.

"Oh, good! We found Marth and Roy. Let's get out of here." Master Hand turned to Mewtwo, who happened to not be there. "Mewtwo?" Master Hand turned around and saw Mewtwo running down the now near horizontal Space Needle. "AHHHHHH!"

_Twenty seconds later…_

Marth poked his head through a broken window in the Space Needle car.

"Um, Master Hand? Mewtwo was going to leave you, but, um, are you alright?"

"That's… that's… a retarded question."

"Oh, good, he's alive. Come one, we've got to find Link and Zelda."

"Couldn't we seek medical attention first?"

"There's no point. Trust me."

_At some lemonade vendor…_

"Hey, Captain Falcon. How goes the search?" Fox asked as Captain Falcon walked by, trying to find them.

"Huh? What search?" Captain Falcon came to a grinding halt in front of the lemonade shop. "Also, can I have a hot dog?"

"Has Samus given up the search and started to enjoy the pleasures of Cedar Point yet?" Falco asked smugly.

"Huh? No, she's under a pile of rubble. Did you hear me? Can I have a hot dog?"

This got Fox's and Falco's attention. "What do you mean under a pile of rubble?"

"Well this big… house thing collapsed on her."

"So you came to get us? Come on, where is she?"

"No, I came asking for a hot dog. And you ignored me. So I won't take you there."

"Buy stupid a hot dog, Falco."

"Yeah, buy stupid a hot dog."

_Five minutes later, at the remains of the Hall of Mirror's…_

"Hey, um, Samus? Are you in here?"

"No, I got out of this pile of rubble and walked away. YES I'M HERE! God, what took you so long?" Fox and Falco turned and saw Samus, halfway buried in a pile of rubble.

"Captain Falcon wouldn't tell us where you were unless we bought him hot dogs."

"And you didn't kill him?"

"No we thought we'd let you do that."

"First get me out of here."

"Right…" Fox and Falco grabbed her hands and strained, trying to pull her up.

"Careful, careful…" Samus said as she began to feel a strain in her arms. "Look, this going to start hur-"

Yank!

Pop!

"Ow! My arms! Ow ow ow!"

"Oh shut up. We got you out of the hole, didn't we?" Falco muttered.

"But… My arms!"

"Hi, Samus, what's up?" Captain Falcon walked up, eating his hot dog.

"I don't know, but I sure know what's dead." Samus said, pointing her blaster at Falcon.

_At the Mine Ride…_

"C'mon, now where'd they go?" Master Hand said in disbelief.

"What did you expect? This is like on the other side of the park from the Space Needle." Marth said. He was slightly out of breath from the rush from one end of the park to the other. So was everybody else, except for (apparently) Master Hand.

"Yeah, but it only like took us… Ten minutes to get over here."

"Master Hand… the fact that you made us run all the way over here has changed my mind… I will contact Zelda and Link physically." Mewtwo gasped out. He did not like running. He hated running. He despised it. And he was fairly sure he would have to run some more if he didn't contact Link.

_At the Merry Go Round…_

"Zelda, why are we riding a Merry Go Round? We could ride real horses in Hyrule instead of these dumb plastic ones."

"You know, you're right."

Link… Zelda… This is Mewtwo. Hold on a sec…

"…You heard that right?" Zelda asked.

"Yeah."

"Oh, good, I kinda thought for a second that that was the music."

"But then it still could have been the music."

"No, I meant the music had, like, destroyed my brain."

"Oh."

Okay, I'm back. Master Hand wants to meet you at the front entrance pronto. Just a sec…

"…"

"…"

Okay, he also wants you to call a cab. And one of you needs to go to the hotel and get our stuff ready. Whoever stays there, we'll be there in from ten to twenty minutes. Over.

"… What was that?"

"Maybe that thing with the Power Tower."

"Oh yeah."

_At the mansion…_

"So Crazy Hand lived with squirrels for a summer?" Young Link asked as he mashed buttons on a controller in the arcade.

"Yeah, but that was before he got committed." Ness replied, also mashing buttons.

"So he could have still been crazy." Pichu said in her own little dialect, while also mashing buttons.

"Or that's what caused him to go crazy." Ness said.

"I thought he was just born crazy, and that's why they named him that." Young Link said.

"How do you tell if baby is crazy or not?" Ness asked.

"I dunno. If it's twitching?"

Crazy Hand ran up to the arcade game they were playing on and smashed it into little pieces, and then ran away giggling.

"He was born crazy." Pichu commented, still in her little dialect.

_At the Grunge Hotel…_

"Hi, um, I don't have the key to my friend's rooms, could I have another one." Link asked the desk receptionist.

"Don't forget that on the Pay-Per-View, you can see such fine movies as _The Deadline II: It Won't Go Away."_

"Look, I'm in a hurry. So what I do next does not mean I have anything against the service type workers. Unless they're high. And you are."

"Yes, ma'am, we have rooms available."

If one was to be down the hall from the desk, they would have heard some banging noises, some cries of pain, a thump, and the jingling of keys. However, there was no one down the hall, so to the point: Link beat the crap out of the desk moron, took the keys, and ran to his room.

_At the entrance to Cedar Point…_

"What took you guys so long?" Zelda asked as Master Hand, Mewtwo, Marth, (A/N: There are a lot of M names in that group.) and Roy arrived breathlessly.

"The… Skeletons in Boneville… started attacking the train…" Roy said as he regained his breath.

"Okay… Go on…"

"Fine. Marth and I started blowing up the train towards the end."

"Whatever. So what's going on, Master Hand? Why do we have to leave early?"

"Samus kinda sort of showed up."

"Again?"

"I think she's hacking the airline computers." Mewtwo said.

"See, I told you we should have taken our own ships." Link said.

"AHH! Hoo, jeez, don't do that. Where the hell did you come from?"

"Over there." Link pointed to two taxis he had waiting.

"Oh good, let's go."

_Wherever Fox and Falcon's ships are…_

"All right, you guys head for the airport and stay there, and we'll get to my ship." Samus said as Fox and Falco got into their ships.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. What shall we do till you get there?" Falco asked.

"I don't know. Go around in circles."

"I meant entertainment wise."

"I don't care."

Samus rowed off. Fox turned to Falco and asked "She said she didn't care, right?"

Darkwarrior17: Hey, I finished a chapter! Wow… While writing this, I had this weird sense of something… it took for me forever to figure it out and then I caught it. I have a mental deadline. (You may have noticed the movie title.) Well writing this, I've always had that Sunday deadline. Now (thanks to vic) I feel… more _needed_. It's because this story is mildly popular. I feel the need to write faster because I'll lose valuable fans. I haven't been able to explore all areas of this mental phenomenon (not really phenomenon, but you get what I mean), but I'll keep you posted. Probably faster now. January 15, 2006.


	9. Down Town Tokyo!

Darkwarrior17: Okay, okay, I admit that this took a lot longer than scheduled. In fact, we're coming up on a month. But I do have reasons! Excuses, if you will. Number 1: Several times I lost the start of the chapter due to someone shutting down the computer without me saving. This also happened on a school assignment, and God help me, if it happens again I will… okay, I don't know what, but still. Number 2: I've been grounded off the computer for about two weeks. I can't remember why, but I would not be surprised about another week after Friday. Oh, great! Now I saved this chapter over chapter 8! Man, this just sucks. If my story gets taken off for any reason, I will scream, and you will hear it.

Darkwarrior17: Has any body else noticed that some people are actually updating? My favorite stories list actually looks different! March 25, 2006.

Reviews: **Samusgirl:** The Gemini is a "twin" rollercoaster. In other words, it has two trains going at the same time. Hence the name "Gemini".

Disclaimer: Insert funny disclaimer.

One Smashing Vacation

IX

Downtown Tokyo

A lone broken-down car slowly made its way on the road. It tried to go faster, but its engine was broken. It only had a few more feet…

And then the light turned green.

In the quick and thunderous chaos that followed, the car was totaled. And nobody cared.

One of the drivers not caring was a loud and overbearing foreign taxi driver, who only knew four words in English: "Where to?" and "Pay me." His favorite was the third one.

Presently, he was yelling at some people in his foreign language. These said people readers might actually care about, as they are the subject of this story.

"I said, take us to the AIRPORT!" Link shouted at the driver. The driver yelled something back and laughed about it. "Does anyone care that he's going way past the speed limit, not looking at anything except us, and is headed in NO DIRECTION?"

"No. Why?" Mewtwo asked.

"I think I just wet myself." Master Hand said.

Everyone scooted away from him.

"If your lives matter that much to you, I can just mind control him." Mewtwo said, with a bit of disappointment.

"Yes, now, HURRY!" Zelda shouted.

"Fine, fine."

"There now, you happy?" The cab driver said in Mewtwo's voice.

"Much better."

"You realize I don't know how to driver either, right?"

"Shit, shit, shit!" Link yelled. "GIVE ME THE WHEEL!"

There was several seconds of pandemonium while Link tried to cut through the safety net. Mewtwo also chose this time to release the cab driver from his psychic grip, and the foreigner started yelling. Meanwhile, no one was driving and the driver was pressing down on the gas peddle. Hard.

_At the Smash Mansion…_

Ding Dong!

…

Ding Dong!

…

DING DONG!

"SOMEONE GET THE DOOR!" Peach shouted at the top of her lungs. Oddly, she seems to do that a lot.

Crazy walked to the door and opened it. There were several lawyers standing there with official looking papers.

"BOO! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Crazy shouted, and slammed the door.

_Fox and Falco's Ar Wings…_

"Yellow taxi, going out of control. That'll probably be them." Fox said.

"You think? Come on, Samus said not to do anything until she gets here."

_On Lake Erie…_

"Paddle faster! Fox and Falco are waiting!" Captain Falcon said.

"You… huff… stupid… huff… BASTARD!" Samus panted.

_At the Airport…_

"Come on guys, get out of the trunk." Master Hand said.

"Get out of the trunk he says. Get into the trunk he says. Don't die he says. WHAT ON EARTH WAS THAT?" Marth shouted as he tried to get out of the taxi's trunk. He was, however, unsuccessful and fell back onto Roy.

"Ow! Get off me!" Roy said. Marth tried again, and failed, and was then violently kicked out of the trunk. "God!"

"Hey guys, did you get the tickets?" Master Hand turned to Link, Zelda, and Mewtwo.

"Yep. Tokyo, here we come." Zelda said.

"Why Tokyo?" Master Hand asked.

"Because we're all Japanese."

"I'm not…"

"Yeah, what are you, anyway?"

"I'm from Wisconsin."

"Yeah, right. The floating hand of Wisconsin. I'm sure." Roy turned to Mewtwo. "Where's Master Hand from?"

"The Soviet Union. Back when it was called that, anyway." Mewtwo said and floated off into the terminal.

"I am not!"

"Come on, the flight leaves soon."

_On the plane, two hours later…_

"Where you from?"

"Not going to tell you."

"Where you from?"

"Not going to tell you."

"Where you from?"

"Not going to tell you."

"Where you from?"

"Not going to tell you."

"Where you from?"

"Not going to tell you."

"Where you from?"

"Not going to tell you."

"Where you from?"

"Not going to tell you."

"Where you from?"

"Not going to tell you."

"Where you from?"

"Not going to tell you."

"WILL YOU GUYS SHUT UP?" Roy shouted at Master Hand and Link, who had been arguing about that for the last couple of hours. If you call that arguing.

"I think we're over the Pacific now." Zelda said, looking out the window. A small ship flew by. Then a larger ship. Then a smaller ship.

"Oh damn."

"What?" Marth asked, leaning over.

The smaller ship flew by, this time much closer.

"Oh… Master Hand?"

"Not going to tell you.

"Where you from?"

"Not going to tell you."

"Where you from?"

"Not going to tell you."

"Where you from?"

"Not going to tell you."

"Where you from?"

"Not going to tell you."

"Master Hand, you really need to take a look at this."

The ships were really close now.

"Where you from?"

"Not going to tell you."

"Where you from?"

"Not going to tell you."

"Where you from?"

"Not going to tell you."

"Where you from?"

"Not going to tell you."

"Where you from?"

"Not going to tell you."

"MASTER HAND!"

Just then, the P.A. came on.

"Excuse me passengers, but we are about to experience some turbulence due to the fact that WE'RE ABOUT TO TAKE EVASIVE ACTION! WOOHOO, TAKES ME BACK TO THE GOOD OLD DAYS!"

The plane went into a sharp nose dive and the three ships began to fire upon them.

"AHHHHHH!" The passengers shouted.

"YESSSSSSS!" The pilot shouted.

"You're mine, bitch!" Samus said.

"Don't swear like that!" Captain Falcon said.

"WEEHAAA!" Fox and Falco shouted.

The plane pulled up suddenly before the water, and a giant whale jumped up and ate Samus' and Fox and Falco's ships.

"Whoa…" Zelda said.

"Whoa…" Link said.

"Whoa…" Roy said.

"Whoa…" Marth said.

"Whoa…" Mewtwo said.

"Did I miss anything?" Master Hand asked, walking out of the bathroom.

"…"

_At the Mansion…_

DING DONG!

"SOME ONE BESIDES CRAZY GET THE STUPID DOOR!" Peach yelled.

Game and Watch walked up to the door and opened it. There were several more lawyers, all with official looking papers, and a couple nerds (one of which looked amazingly like Comic Book Guy) with shirts that said "Real Bullets Hurt".

"Um, how can I help you?"

"We represent several different people, whose names will be stated, and we would like to be let in." The lawyers said.

"I'm Nintendo's accountant." One of the nerds said.

"And I'm their lawyer." The other nerd said.

"Um, come on in."

Everyone stepped in, except for the accountant, who started taking notes.

_At the Tokyo Airport… _

(A.N. Okay, I know little to nothing about Tokyo. So sue me.)

"Well, here we are. Downtown Tokyo!"

"Master Hand, this isn't downtown." Zelda said.

"So what? It's downtown enough."

"Come on, let's get a cab. Takushi!" Marth shouted.

A cab pulled up.

"Izuko tame?"

"Um… Mewtwo, where are our hotel reservations?" Roy asked.

"Kuro ryokan."

"Ara un… are yochi…" The Taxi driver said.

"I feel so left out…" Master Hand said, climbing into the taxi.

"Um, Mewtwo, Black Inn is just a name, right?" Link asked.

"…"

"Uh oh…"

_At the Mansion…_

Everyone had been called to the dining room, where the lawyers (and the accountant, who was taking notes there now) were sitting.

"Here's a list of the people we represent." The lawyers passed down a sheet of paper that had around a dozen names on it. "They are all suing you. If you wish to settle out of court, now would be a good time."

"Excuse, I would like to speak with my clients momentarily." The nerd lawyer got up and left the room, and the Smashers followed.

"Now, as your lawyer, I find it my duty to inform you that you have no case whatsoever." This was greeted in the obvious fashion: mass pandemonium.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE DON'T HAVE A CASE? WE PAYED FOR THE STUFF-"

"I HAVE THE BEST LAWYERS IN MUSHROOM KINGDOM, AND I'LL-"

"HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? AND WHERE THE HELL IS MASTER HAND-"

"SHUT UP BEFORE I TAKE OUT MY AXE OF + 12 DEVASTATION!"

This, for some odd reason, worked, although it was probably due to the fact that the nerd drew an axe rather then that they were actually frightened.

"Okay, you have our attention. Why don't we have a case?"

"Well, the attack on the Pope probably isn't the reason, since it hasn't been proven that that was you guys. It was mainly what happened at a Cedar Point-"

"Wait, we haven't been to either of those places. What are you talking about?" Dr. Mario asked.

"It's not terribly important. The important thing is that you have the money to pay for all this. Accountant?"

"Well, I'm no realtor, but in my opinion, the setup on a whole is very nice. I mean, it might need a little paint, and some landscaping, but other than that I'd say we could get upwards of 1.25 million dollars."

"Wow, think of how many Yu-Gi-Oh cards we could get for that much."

"Wait, wait, wait. What the hell are you talking about?" Game and Watch asked.

"Yeah, what about Cedar Point and the Pope?" Peach asked.

"The assassination attempt on the Pope. I believe Mewtwo was involved in that, although they haven't been able to pin that on you guys. Haven't you heard about it?"

"What? Mewtwo's with Master Hand at Nintendo Headquarters in Japan!" Game and Watch said. He was getting that sinking feeling he got whenever he lost to Pichu.

"Not according to our records." The lawyer said. "So, how long do you think it could take to get a buyer?"

"Hmmm, maybe if we went to Bill Gates or something."

"No, I don't think he'd like buying from Nintendo, since the Xbox 360 is failing so miserably."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN A BUYER? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" Game and Watch shouted.

"Selling your house. Or mansion. Now let's see, who else could we go to?"

Game and Watch was getting worried. These two nerds were thinking twice as fast as most of them combined, and his head was starting to hurt. Then he saw D.K.

"Um, D.K.?" Game and Watch whispered.

D.K. stopped playing with a tick he found in his fur and paid attention to Game and Watch.

"Um…" Game and Watch pointed to the nerds, who were still discussing the house, and started hitting his fist against his hand. D.K. watched confused, and then squashed the tick. Game and Watch shook his head, and then started hitting a frying pan against his head. D.K. looked confused again, and then hit himself in the head, knocking him out.

Peach made an exasperated sigh, and hit the nerds in the back of the head with an umbrella.

This did not seem to hurt them at all, but it did stop chatting.

"Hey… A GIRL TRIED TO HURT US! Oh my God!"

"It's a first… SOB!"

"Why-won't-you-DIE!" Peach continued to hit the nerds with the umbrella.

"We have +45 defense each. I'm sorry, could you give us a moment? Girls usually just spray us with Mace." The lawyer said.

"Oh, Mace…" Peach pulled out a can of Mace, and (of course) sprayed it on the nerds.

"AHHH! MY EYES!" The accountant shouted, covering his eyes.

"IT BURNS!"

"RUN FOR THE HANGAR!" Game and Watch shouted, dashing off. Everyone followed, Mario and Luigi dragging D.K.

_At the Black Inn…_

"No." Master Hand said.

"What? There's nothing wrong with it." Mewtwo said.

"Yeah, right." Link said.

The Black Inn was appropriately named. Other than that, it's really hard to describe without sounding, well, gothic. Enough said. You imagine it.

"Let's put the stuff in and get out of here." Zelda said.

"Um, I think I'll carry my stuff around." Marth said.

"Same here."

"Well, I'm going in." Mewtwo said, floating in.

"Ah, screw him. Come on, let's go see some sights."

Darkwarrior17: Hey, this looks like a good point to stop! Good… Hmmm… Not much to say except that Strange Behavior updated. Did any one else think they had discontinued that? I did. March 23, 2006.


	10. Godzilla Doesn't Walk, He Bumbles

Darkwarrior17: Since apparently it's a mortal sin to play video games on the computer, I can pretty much only write. And now I'm really resenting this story. And it's not even like I can play our Playstation (We did finally get one, but I still wish we had a GameCube) because the frigging entertainment center isn't done! I WANT TO PLAY A VIDEO GAME, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! LOOK INTO MY LIFE AND LAUGH!

…

STOP LAUGHING AT ME! IF YOU THINK I HAVE PROBLEMS, YOU SHOULD SEE MY ALTER EGO!

Reviews: Genny/Bailey: I found your reviews demeaning to this story. Thank you anyway.

P.S. I don't give a damn that there's a Tales of Symphonia manga.

P.P.S. You forgot egotistical.

P.P.P.S. Sign off for good.

P.P.P.P.S. I do not make sentences like "wats going one1".

Darkwarrior17: Okay. Now its five more reviews… Good. 4-23-06.

Disclaimer: My parents won't let me own anything…

One Smashing Vacation

X

Godzilla Doesn't Walk, He Bumbles

"Maybe we should visit Nintendo headquarters." Zelda said as they the taxi drove through Tokyo.

"Are you kidding? They'd eat us alive!" Master Hand said, and accidentally smashed a hole in the roof. The hole quickly resealed itself up again. This caused almost everyone to sigh and say "I love Japan," before they continued their conversation.

"They would not. They value your leadership skills." Zelda said.

"And the money we bring in." Roy commented.

_At the Nintendo Headquarters…_

"That hand has terrible leadership skills!" One of the members of the Nintendo board said.

"And look at all the bills we're getting sent! We could buy E/A Games and Microsoft if it weren't for all these!" Another commented.

"This has become a problem. But if we cut them off, we won't be able to make any new games with their characters." The CEO pointed out.

"… So?"

"All right, how's this," the CEO said. "Bomberman?" Bomberman walked into the room.

"Yes, chief?"

"You're in."

"Yes, chief." Bomberman walked out.

"Okay, first of all, why was he right outside that door?"

"Well, you see, Dave, he likes to sit out their waiting for someone to call him in."

"YESSSSSSS!" A shout came from outside.

"Okay… and secondly, shouldn't we vote on this?"

"Ahahahahahahahaha…" The CEO and all the board members laughed. He then turned to the rest of the board and said in Japanese: "Silly Americans, with their ideas of voting and fair treatment." He then turned to the unfortunate American board member and said in English: "No."

_Back in the taxi…_

"Yeah, you really don't want to Nintendo Headquarters." Mewtwo said, who had been listening to the board.

"WHOA! When did you get here?" Marth said, taken utterly by surprise by the fact that Mewtwo had just appeared in the seat next to him.

"I teleported from the hotel. The only thing that Pay-per-view had was Saw I, Saw II, and Dark Water, all of which I've seen a billion times."

"Oh."

_At the Smasher's Hanger…_

"WHERE ARE ALL THE SHIPS?" Game and Watched shouted. The hangar was completely empty, with the exception of Captain Falcon's racer and a beat-up trailer.

"I don't know, just hook the trailer up the racer. QUICK!"

_Several seconds later…_

"There's not enough room!" Dr. Mario shouted.

"One of us must be too fat!" Bowser said.

"…"

_One minute later…_

Falcon's ship burst out of the hanger, pulling the trailer along, which was pulling Bowser by a long length of rope.

"You know, I don't think he was expecting that at all." Nana said, looking out the back window.

_Back to Tokyo…_

"Right… What do you do in Tokyo, any way?" Master Hand asked.

"Well, you… Wait, don't you… What the hell do you do in Tokyo, anyway?" Link asked. "Oh, and by the way, where are you from, Master Hand?"

"No."

"Okay, fine."

"Maybe we should get a tour guide." Zelda said. "Hey, there's one. He's walking this way."

"That's Godzilla." Roy said.

"Oh… Well maybe he could show us around. I mean, look at how fast he walks. He could show us around in seconds. OVER HERE!"

Godzilla turned and started walking towards them.

"First of all, you don't call Godzilla to come to you. You run away screaming! And secondly, Godzilla doesn't walk. He bumbles."

"Oh fine. BUMBLE OVER HERE!"

Godzilla started "bumbling" faster.

"You don't get it, do you? GODZILLA EATS PEOPLE! Back me up, guys!… Guys?" Roy turned to see that everyone but him and Zelda had run off.

Godzilla then promptly stepped on them.

_Wherever everyone else is…_

Wham!

"What was that?" Pikachu asked (however he says it.)

Young Link looked out the window. "It's the nerds… And they're driving the Batmobile! That is so cool!"

"GAMEA UH WATCHA, STEP ON IT!" Mario shouted into a radio.

Game and Watch (who was driving) looked in the rearview mirror. He saw the fat nerd dressed like Batman driving the Batmobile, and the other nerd dressed like Robin, who was starting to fire weapons.

He did a quick double take. They were still there. He did another double take (is that a triple take?) and they were still there. He floored it.

"Holy holiness, Batman! They're getting away!"

"Don't be so sure, my young ward. I happen to have my super Batracerstopperspray hooked up to the jet cannon."

"Firing jet cannon!"

The spray fired from the jet cannon, hitting Bowser.

"This is just helium, isn't it?" The Koopa King said in a high pitched voice.

At this point the rope holding Bowser on broke, sending him flying into the Batmobile, crashing it.

"Okay… I think that got rid of them… Dr. Mario said, looking back. "Hey, where's Crazy?"

_At the Mansion…_

"All right, sir, since you have decided to defend yourself, how do you plead?"

"SMARTER THAN YOU AND ALL OF THEM!" Crazy shouted. He was in a courtroom, going up against those lawyers.

"Okay, let's start with the prosecutor instead…"

_At the Nintendo Headquarters…_

"There you go, done deal. We'll start your game next month." The CEO of Nintendo said, signing a contract with Bomberman.

Bomberman walked outside and held up his contract.

"I'M THE GREATEST!" he shouted. A katamari came bouncing along and snatched his contract.

"NO!"

WHAM!

The prince and all his cousins ran him over, trying to catch the katamari.

_Tokyo…_

"Ahhhhhh! Oh no, Godzirra!" Everyone shouted and then continued to move their lips as Godzilla wreaked havoc on Tokyo.

"Mewtwo, can you stop him?" Master Hand asked Mewtwo as they ran away from the carnage.

"Actually, I'm kind of enjoying this." Mewtwo teleported onto Godzilla's shoulder. "Destroy that building. You know you want to." He whispered into Godzilla's ear.

Master Hand floated up onto Godzilla's other shoulder. "No! Don't do it! Stop this madness!"

Godzilla thought for a second, and then flicked Master Hand off his shoulder and started destroying the building.

"Want to go to an American restaurant?" Marth asked Link.

"Eh, why not?"

_Somewhere at the bottom of the Pacific…_

"AHHHHHHHHH! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" Captain Falcon screamed.

Samus ignored him and continued to make repairs on her ship. The designers of the ship hadn't figured on it being swallowed by a giant fish.

"AHHHHHHHH! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" Captain Falcon screamed again. This time Samus shot him, and then started to weld something.

"How's it going?" Fox asked, entering the ship.

"Pretty good. Bozo over there is still having a spaz, but the ships coming along. You?"

"Fully functional. You know it's amazing what Disney movies can teach you." Falco said, climbing up into the ship.

"Yeah, I can see it now! Pinocchio: The Guide to Getting Out of the Belly of a Whale!"

"Shut up and get back to work."

_Tokyo…_

"Destroy that building!" Mewtwo commanded.

Godzilla kicked the base of the building, collapsing it.

"Now destroy that building!" Mewtwo commanded again.

Godzilla jumped on the building, reducing it into a pile of rubble.

"Ooh, I feel like a kid in a candy shop! Wheeeeeee!"

_On the ground…_

"It's official. He's gone completely insane." Master Hand said, watching Mewtwo do the cancan on Godzilla's shoulder.

"Eh, what you going to do?" Marth said while eating a burger.

"Ooh, ooh! Do that thing you do to Crazy! You know," Link said, making gestures that made no sense, "That thing."

"… Well, since "that thing" could apply to running as far away as possible, I think that's what I'll do. Care to join me?"

"Nah, we got to go get Roy and Zelda out of that footprint. Have fun though."

Just then, a giant katamari came bouncing in and took Godzilla, along with most of the city. It was then followed by the Prince and all of his cousins, and then the King.

Link, Marth, and Master Hand just sort of stared for a second, jaws dropped. (Except for Master Hand, I don't know how a hand drops its jaw)

"Hmmm, maybe we should leave Japan…" Mewtwo said, landing next to them.

Having regained his gross motor functions, Master Hand shouted, "IS THERE A SANE PLACE LEFT ON THIS PLANET? ARE WE TEARING APART THE FABRIC OF SANITY? WHAT THE-"

WHAM!

Marth and Link hit Master Hand with their swords.

"Yeah, this time let's go somewhere that it's not common practice to eat mushrooms."

"Better get Zelda and Roy first."

_At the Mansion…_

"AND THIS! THIS LADIES AND GENTLMAN, IS A PIECE OF GRASS FROM THE PROSECUTOR'S LAWN!" Crazy Hand shouted, holding up the blade of grass. "COMPLETELY UNDAMAGED EXCEPT THE FACT THAT IT'S NOT REAL! IT'S FAKE!"

"Well, of course it's fake, I had to get a fake lawn because you destroyed the old one!" One of the prosecutors said.

"AHA!" Crazy shouted, pointing at the poor person.

"All right, this is just too insane. Court adjourned till the defendant can find a rational way to stop being so stupid." The judge said, putting on a hat that said "I can give you the death sentence". He then started to walk out, tripped on his robe, got up, and walked out again. Where he was run over by a bus.

Darkwarrior17: This is short. Want to know why? BECAUSE I ONLY GOT ONE STINKIN' REVIEW FOR THE LAST CHAPTER! I hate to update based on reviews, but I'm going to. I WANT SEVEN MORE REVIEWS, OR I WILL NOT UPDATE. REPEAT, I WILL NOT UPDATE UNLESS I GET SEVEN MORE REVIEWS.


	11. Uhoh

Darkwarrior17: Having gotten over my weird depression I had for the last chapter, I'm writing again. Of course you won't be reading this unless I have 50 reviews.

Members of the Audience: Why are you telling us this now?

Darkwarrior17: … ON WITH THE SHOW! HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE! 4-10-06.

Reviews:

**Black Thief Dragon: **I've got something else planned for Crazy, although Alaska could be cool.

**Vicviper-pilot-s213:** Actually, I've been trying to figure out a way for them to go to Iraq. Expect it soon.

Darkwarrior17: I won't be updating for a while because I've started a new story… Yeah, I'm planning on going every other chapter.

Disclaimer: Nintendo owns my thoughts…

One Smashing Vacation

XI

Uh-oh…

"All right, since the last three places we've gone have been a total bust," Master Hand said at the ticket booth in the airport, "I vote that we all go somewhere familiar and welcoming."

"I refuse to vote with you until you tell me where you're from." Link said.

"All right, that's gone beyond annoying." Master Hand said.

"Oh? Then why don't you tell me?"

"Six first class tickets to Egypt, please." Zelda said, holding up one of the credit cards.

"Hey! What are you doing?" Master Hand said.

"I've always been interested in Egypt. Besides, it's not like you guys were coming up with anything."

"Yes, but-"

"And I'll bet Mewtwo agrees with me."

"Keep me out of this." Mewtwo said, floating away.

"Yes, but-"

"And it's not as though it's Iraq or anything, you know?"

"If you would be so kind as to let me finish, I would tell you that I DON'T HAVE MY SHOTS!"

"… Um, Master Hand, that's not exactly something you shout in a crowded airport." Roy said.

"Oh, shut up. It's not like they speak English."

"Um, I think those girls over there are staring at us." Zelda pointed to a group of girls standing not far away from them.

"No they aren't. There staring at you guys." Master Hand pointed to Link, Marth and Roy.

"Uh oh…"

"OH MY GOD! IT'S MARTH AND ROY!"

"AND LINK! GRAB HIS HAT!"

"Run…now…FAST!" Link shouted, running away as fast as he could. He was soon followed by everyone else except Mewtwo, who…where is Mewtwo?

_At the airport's Starbucks…_

Mewtwo was floating in line at Starbucks. There was mile line ahead of him. He wanted to move the line so he could get coffee, but he needed coffee to mind control people. Mewtwo decided that as soon as he got his coffee, he would kill the guy who invented paradoxes.

_Somewhere in the Pacific…_

"You ready to light the fires?" Samus asked.

"Honestly? No." Fox said.

"What? You said you were done!"

"Yeah, Falcon kind of blew up an engine because he thought it called him an idiot."

"We're fining you for that." Falco said.

"What? Why?"

"Because you brought him along."

"Okay, fine. In hindsight, that was dumb. But it's not like you haven't made stupider decisions."

"Well, I can't speak for Falco, but-"

"Shut up and get back to work."

_Back at Tokyo…_

(The following rabid fangirl versus bishounen confrontation may have some similarities to Money Management for SSBM and Lord of the Rings: SSBM Style! It is, however, my own, not theirs, and anyone who sues me needs to get a life. Thank you.)

Security at an airport in Japan was the worst possible job. You sat. And sat. And continued sitting for some time. And by your third day on the job, you are convinced that anything interesting happening is just your brain laughing at you. This is probably how fangirls managed to tear down an ATM with out them noticing.

"MARTH! COME BACK! I'LL MAKE YOU RICH!" One of the fangirls shouted, holding up about a million yen.

"Not on my life!" Marth said, running with the most terrified look on his face.

Master Hand suddenly stopped and turned to Zelda. "Wait, why are we running?"

"One of them is lesbian!" Zelda said, and kept running.

"… How on earth do you know that?"

"ME WANT ZELDA!" A gargantuan fangirl suddenly stepped on Master Hand. He was then run over by the rest of the fangirls.

"Um, ow?" Master Hand said.

Link quickly turned into a men's room. This wouldn't stop fangirls, but it seemed like a good place to hide.

"Are they gone?" Someone whispered from behind them. Link turned around. Lloyd and Zelos (from Tales of Symphonia, look it up at http/en. were hiding in the bathroom stalls.

"Um…yeah." Link said, grappling up into a ventilation shaft.

"Oh, good." Lloyd said, stepping out of the bathroom. Most of the rabid fangirls were running by the bathroom at the time, and they all turned and shouted: "OH MY GOD! IT'S LLOYD AND ZELOS!"

They were immediately swept up by the fangirls. Unfortunately, this was not the end of Link's fangirl problems, for some of them happened to notice Link climbing into the ventilation shaft.

"THERE'S LINK! GET HIM!"

The fangirls who weren't helping in carrying Lloyd and Zelos off quickly turned around and started trying to jump into the vent.

_At the airport's Starbucks…_

Mewtwo stood in line. A bit of music played somewhere in the store, and this irritated him. Someone sneezed, and this irritated him. Then somebody tripped on his own feet. He enjoyed this for a moment until someone helped the guy up. This irritated him.

_Somewhere in the midwest of the United States…_

The remaining Smashers were slowly making their way down some God-forsaken highway. A car hadn't passed them in eons, and they were starting to get restless.

"YOSHI! PUT THAT DOWN! PUT IT DOWN! There… DON'T PICK THAT UP! Rrrrrr…" Dr. Mario was on the verge of a mental break down.

"Momma mia!" Mario said as Pikachu and Jigglypuff broke out in a fight.

"What's going on back there?" Game and Watch beeped into the walkie talkie. The only reply was shouts of "No, NO!" and Peach screaming.

Game and Watch looked back for a second before saying, "…Eh, whatcha gonna do."

Okay, restless isn't the word.

_Back to Tokyo…_

Marth had found a small alcove to hide in. It was between a potted plant and a phone booth. Unfortunately, there happened to be a girl in the phone booth and when she saw him…

"OH MY GOD! IT'S MARTH!"

Marth tried to get away, but the fangirl pushed the phone booth down on top of his cape, leaving him pinned.

Minutes later he was picked up by other fangirls, and taken to their lair.

_The Fangirl's secret hideout…_

Marth, Zelos, and Lloyd were all tied up. About a dozen or so fangirls were combing their hair, trying to get them to eat some sort of food, or just staring at them.

"How can you be enjoying this?" Marth turned to Zelos who was singing.

"Hunnies, hunnies, hunnies! Don't worry, there's enough of me for all!"

Lloyd and Marth shuddered.

_Somewhere in the airport…_

"I think… we lost… them." Roy gasped to Zelda as he slowed down to a halt.

"Yeah, along with pretty much everybody else."

"We know where Master Hand is, don't we?"

"Yeah, splattered against the floor."

"Hey everybody, up here!"

"Okay, fine, we can go get him, and then get eaten alive by the fangirls!"

"I said, UP HERE!"

"What?" Zelda looked up. Link was in the vent directly above them. "Whoa!"

"Yeah, they almost got me in the bathroom. Where's Marth? Better yet, where's the plane? We really need to get out of here."

"Um, about that…"

"Lost everyone? No biggie. Where's Mewtwo?"

_Arizona's desert…_

Night had passed for the people in the trailer. They had all slept well and were waking up. When Peach woke up she grabbed the walkie-talkie and shouted into it: "GAME AND WATCH! PULL OVER AT THE NEXT REST STOP! I need COFFEE!"

"Ksshh…"

"Game and Watch?"

"Kshh…"

"GAME AND WATCH!"

"Ksshh…"

Peach looked up front. There was no one driving. A cliff was coming closer by the second.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

_Five hours earlier…_

"Hey, I'm going to pull over to get something to eat and drink. Anybody want anything?" Game and Watch said.

"Pika pikachu!"

Game and Watch pulled over at a rest stop. Pikachu, who appeared to be the only person not asleep, jumped out of the trailer and followed Game and Watch in.

As they bought their snacks, the racer sped off with out them.

Game and Watch blinked.

Pikachu blinked.

"Management?" Game and Watch asked.

_Back to the present…_

_-_AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

At this point Mario started throwing people out the window (starting with Peach) shouting, "BAIL OUT! BAIL OUT!"

Unfortunately, when they tried to get Donkey Kong out he got stuck. Luckily, it was only him, Mario, and Luigi in the trailer, so deaths would be minimal.

"'Deathas would bea minimal'? Screwsa that!" Luigi shouted, and started to burn a hole around D.K. Mario quickly helped.

It was several seconds before the trailer went off the cliff, but they still made it.

The racer went off the cliff and exploded at the bottom. The remaining Smashers looked down in a sad silence, until Mario said, "I'a wonder ifa Captain Falcon hasa insurance for thatsa."

_The Line for Starbucks…_

"C'mon Mewtwo. We need your help." Link tapped Mewtwo on the shoulder. He was in the middle of a line of about a hundred people.

"Can't. Need coffee."

"Can't you just move them?"

"Can't. Neeeeed coffee."

"Okay… What kind of coffee do you want?"

"COFFEE!"

"Okay, okay." Link ran up to the front of the line, pointed his sword in the face of the kid running the counter, and said: "Give me a large cup of coffee now!"

"We don't serve coffee here."

"… What?"

"We don't serve coffee."

"This is a coffee bar, right?"

"Yeah."

"THEN GIVE ME COFFEE!"

_Five seconds later…_

"Those kids know whose boss." Link said as Mewtwo slurped his coffee.

"What did you need me for?"

"Oh, yeah. We need help finding Marth."

"… Fangirls, right? Geez, this is just obvious."

"Well then, enlighten us, oh Knower of All!" Zelda said, dragging Master Hand along with them.

"They are at…"

_Five minutes later…_

"A Barnes and Noble?" Zelda, Link, Roy, and Master Hand (now fully recovered) said in unison.

"Ah, but not just any Barnes and Noble." Mewtwo said, obviously enjoying this. "This Barnes and Noble has the largest collection of manga books anywhere."

"And that's where the fangirls are." Link asked.

"Yes."

"And that's where Marth is."

"Yes."

"… You didn't have enough coffee, did you?"

"I'm completely serious!"

"Oh, come on! How on earth would a bunch of Rabid Fangirls hide out in a crowded Barnes and Noble without having anyone notice?" Link said.

Suddenly a voice drifted out of the Barnes and Noble.

"Hey, you girls, get out of here. Go on, get. Hey, what are you doing? Stop that! OH MY GOD! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHH-"crunch!

"I told you! I told you! I always tell them! They never listen! I-"

"Oh, shut up!" Master Hand shouted. "Okay, what we need is a plan."

"We don't need a plan. We need a smoke bomb, a gas mask, and a helicopter." Roy said.

"… Isn't that a Calvin and Hobbes?" Zelda asked.

"Huh?"

"Better yet, isn't that a plan?"

"Wha?"

"I have Marth. Hurry up before they realize it." Mewtwo popped back from the store, floating Marth behind him. Marth was still bound, but he looked fairly happy.

"Oh. Okay." Master Hand said.

"OH MY GOD! MARTH DISAPPEARED!"

"Go. Now!"

The as Fangirls stampeded out of the store they saw the group running away with their beloved Marth. They quickly followed, going at a speed that shouldn't be humanly possible.

"What… gate… are we?" Master Hand asked.

"Gate… 16B!" Zelda replied, teleporting ahead a little.

"That's right there!" Master Hand turned and ran up the gangway to the plane, and was quickly followed by everyone else. The fangirls were about to follow, until someone stepped off the plane and asked, "Has anyone seen Lloyd?"

The fangirls stopped in their tracks. They stared up at the figure before them, and shouted in perfect unison, "OH MY GOD! IT'S KRATOS!"

Darkwarrior17: Okay, I decided that I wouldn't go for fifty reviews. If anyone is confused about the characters from Tales of Symphonia (Lloyd, Zelos, and Kratos) don't worry. I'm kind of confused about them myself. If you have any questions about them, I will send them to my Sister/Editor. And now, a word from our Editor/Sister!

Editor-in-Chief/Darkwarrior's sister/Genny62890: HELLO ALL. I am the resident Tales of Symphonia geek at my house (every house has one, by the way; they just haven't been discovered yet) and about 99 of the rabid fangirl jokes are based off of me, I'm sure. Especially the Zelos and Kratos parts. Mmmmm, Kratos…((drools))…Moving on, (yes I have a point; gimme a minute to think of what it is………okay, got it) if you have any questions, like my brother said, feel free to write them in your reviews, or, you can email me from my profile (I'm Genny62890) and I'll be happy to answer anything! It's an awesome game, yo. Go buy it. Signing off, the wonderful/amazing/beautiful/goddess-like editor! ((flies away))

Darkwarrior17: … I'm never doing that again. And she's not 99 of the inspiration. That would be other stories, which I've already stated in this chapter. ((blows raspberry)) Anyway, happy Memorial Day everyone. May 31st, 2006.


	12. Puppies?

Darkwarrior17: … Yeah, whatever. (2-11-07)

Reviews:

Samusgirl1500: GAH, DON'T HURT ME! I wrote that last chapter with the smallest grasp of Tales of Symphonia characters. My editor made me play and now Yuan will be in a chapter. (I know exactly what I want to do with him. Hooray!)

Jimmy: Space… I never thought of that. That is a good idea.

Disclaimer: I own what you don't think you own but don't.

Darkwarrior17: Well, Happy Valentine's Day. When I realized I couldn't update Sunday, I decided to update now. HOORAY! (2-14-07)

One Smashing Vacation

XII

Puppies?

"All right, I'm tired of nearly dying." Link said, collapsing into an airplane chair. "Can't we go somewhere that doesn't have anything dangerous, like, Disney World?"

"Actually, all flights to Disney World have been canceled, as The Tea Cups are spinning out of control, the pirates are eating the tourists and it is, in fact, a large world after all." Mewtwo said.

"…Okay then." Link said, and then decided to read the safety instructions.

"At least Samus isn't after us any more." Zelda commented.

_Somewhere under the ocean…_

"Commence operation Get-Out-of-Whale!" Samus said, pressing a button that said "Explode".

KABOOOOM!

A large (surprise, surprise!) explosion filled the belly of the whale. The whale did the sensible thing: it opened its mouth. The three ships took off and headed for the surface.

_Back on the Plane…_

"Better yet, at least for the next few hours, we're safe on a plane." Roy said, smiling. "Where nothing can go wrong!"

_Elsewhere…_

"At last my plan is coming to frution- frutation? Frumation?"

"Fruition."

"Oh shut up. Soon the Smashers will be annihilated! Muha, muhahahahahaha!

"EEEEEEEEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!"

"Quiet, you."

"That's not very nice. Everybody should have a chance to laugh when they want to."

"I agree with the nice one."

"I said shut up!"

"Does somebody need their anger management bear?"

"No!"

"But it's soft and cuddly!"

"I detest soft and cuddly things, you fool!"

"Oh. Then you're not going to like what happens on the plane."

_At a Rest Stop in the middle of a desert…_

"Well, we've read everything on the stalls of the bathroom. Now what?" Game and Watch asked Pikachu as they sat in the rest stop.

"Pika pika pika pi?"

"That's stupid."

"Pika!"

"Yes, it is."

"Pika pika pikachu?"

"That's a federal offense!"

"Pikachu?"

"I care!"

"Pika pi."

"You shut up. Wait, is that a truck?"

There was indeed a truck coming down the road.

"WAIT! STOP! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE US HERE!" Game and Watch shouted, running into the road.

The truck slowed to a stop. Game and Watch opened the door and looked up. In the driver's seat was an old, largish woman wearing a red checkered shirt. She had white hair that stuck up all over. She looked at Game and Watch and Pikachu and asked grumpily, "You going to get in?"

"Uh, um, eh, yeah. Heh." Game and Watch climbed the steps and sat down with Pikachu on his lap. "… Beautiful day, isn't it?"

"On this very night, ten years ago…"

"It's day time."

"Along this very stretch of road in a dense fog just like this."

"It's sunny out."

"I saw the worst accident I ever seen. There was a sound like a garbage truck dropped off the Empire State Building."

"Okay."

"And when they pulled the driver's body from the twisted, burning wreck. It looked like this!" The woman turned to Game and Watch and Pikachu and her eyes got wide and bugged out while her tongue went in every direction.

"AHHHHHHHH!" Game and Watch shouted.

"AHHHHHHHH!" Pikachu shouted.

The woman's face returned to normal.

" … We'll be getting out here." Game and Watch said, and opened the door and jumped out.

"TELL EM, LARGE MARGE SENT YOU! AHAHAHAHA!" The truck disappeared down the road.

"… Well, that was weird." Game and Watch said.

"Pika."

_On the plane…_

In the cargo hold of the plane, a large crate marked "Nintendogs" suddenly exploded.

_Elsewhere on the plane…_

"GET ME OFF!" Mewtwo suddenly screamed and ran for the door.

"Sir, you're not allowed to open the door," a stewardess said. "Perhaps you'd like a beverage?"

"I WANT OFF!" Mewtwo shouted again.

"Somebody restrain him." Master Hand said calmly, not looking up from his book. Marth and Roy got up and grabbed Mewtwo and pulled him into his seat and buckled him in, where he started hyperventilating.

"Jeez, Mewtwo, I don't think I've seen you this scared since, well, ever!" Zelda said. "What's bothering you?"

_Elsewhere…_

"YOU ORDERED PUPPIES?"

"GIR and I decided that not many people like snakes, and puppies would be a perfect alternative!"

"Uh-huh!"

"THAT'S RIDICULOUS! YOU CAN'T STRIKE FEAR INTO PEOPLE WITH PUPPIES!"

"Exactly!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"HOORAY!"

_On the plane…_

"And now it's time for the 'Guess How Many People Have Heart Problems' Game! Everyone ready?" The Captain said over the PA system.

"Wait, what?" Master Hand said, looking up.

Suddenly, a bunch of oxygen masks popped out of the ceiling, and along with it, a bunch of puppies.

"AHHHHH!" A lady shouted.

"Run for your life!" Somebody else shouted.

"Oh, c'mon! They're just puppies." Link said, going down to pet one.

"RRRRR!" CHOMP!

"OOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!" Link shouted as the puppy bit down on his hand. Several more puppies jumped and bit him in various places.

By this time, there was a mad rush to get to the back of the plane, and people (Master Hand, Marth, Roy, and Zelda) got trampled.

"MEWTWO, HELP!" Roy shouted.

"Mommy's coming. Yes, she's coming. Yeah, mommy's coming." Mewtwo said, twitching.

"Oooh…" Zelda said. Suddenly they were the only ones left on the area of the plane. Puppies surrounded them from every direction.

"MAN, THIS VACATION SUCKS!"

_Somewhere in the Desert…_

"I CAN'T BE STUCK IN THE DESERT! I BURN EASILY!"

"JIGGLYPUFF!"

"Oh, mama mia!"

All the remaining Smashers were complaining about their predicament. Aw hell, if I was stuck in a desert, I'd be complaining too.

"There's got to be a McDonald's somewhere! THERE'S ALWAYS A MCDONALD'S!" Ness shouted.

"I DON'T WANT TO DIE!" Young Link shouted.

Only Pichu didn't seem to be worried. She (or he, whatever that thing is) ran about one hundred yards away from the main group, played dead for a while, and a vulture picked her (him) up.

Everybody watched for a while as the vulture flew off.

"You know, that would have been pretty smart, if the vulture doesn't eat you." Ganondorf said.

_Wherever Game and Watch and Pikachu were…_

"Okay, we didn't mean to knock your motorcycles over. And we didn't mean to sing that song you found so offensive. We didn't know you were gay. We're sorry. PLEASE DON'T LIGHT US ON FIRE!" Game and Watch pleaded with a motorcycle gang. He and Pikachu were tied to a stake with kindling surrounding them. One of the motorcycle gang members held an unlit lighter up. He tried to light, failed. He tried again. And failed. And again.

Game and Watch and Pikachu rolled their eyes toward the sky, where they happened to catch sight of something very peculiar.

"That bird was just struck by lightning." Game and Watch said in disbelief.

Indeed, the bird (a vulture) had been struck by lighting, and there seemed to be an object hurtling from the charred remains of the vulture. In fact it was hurtling straight towards the group of motorcyclists.

"PIIIIIIIIICHUUUUUUUU!" The object shouted.

"Pika?"

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me." Game and Watch said.

The motorcycle gang was now completely distracted by the Pichu missile coming toward them.

BOOM!

Pichu hit, made a large crater, and smashed several of the motorcyclists. Not bad for someone with a weight of 0.002 pounds.

"Pichu! Bite the ropes off us so we can get out!" Game and Watch shouted at the tiny mouse.

"No one knocks my motorcycle down and gets away with it!" Shouted one of the motorcyclists. He then leapt at Pichu, who jumped up and (in slow motion) kicked the motorcyclist in the stomach. He then pulled out a pair of sunglasses, and preceded to pwn the rest of the motorcyclists, Matrix style.

"Holy shit!" Game and Watch shouted.

"Pika!" Pikachu said.

_On the plane…_

"OW, OW, OW!" Link shouted as puppies continued to bite him.

"Okay, let's take stock of our position." Master Hand said. "We're on a plane, surrounded by puppies, which seem to be very, very ferocious, and our best person to handle this situation turns out to be our worst person to handle it."

"Go check the mailbox. I don't want to, you do it. I said check the mail!" Mewtwo said.

"OW, OW, OW!"

"Okay, how's that help us?" Marth asks, backing away from one of the puppies.

"Well, it didn't, but I like to get my facts straight."

"OW, OW, OW!"

"Great. I guess we'll just have to fight them off." Roy said, grabbing his sword.

"Yeah, right. Or we could run." Master Hand said.

"Running's not a plan. Running is what you do when a plan fails."

"WHY ISN'T SOMEBODY HELPING ME? I'M IN PAIN!" Link shouted.

"Okay, fine, we'll fight. When this plan fails, we can run, right?"

"This plan isn't going to fail. CHARGE!"

_Thirty seconds later…_

"RUN AWAY!" Marth shouted, and ran to the back of the plane where everyone else was. He was quickly followed by Roy, Zelda, and Master Hand, who was dragging Mewtwo away. Link was close behind him, rolling his way down the plane with puppies still clinging on to him. He was then followed by a cascade of puppies, which were ferociously tearing everything apart.

_Wherever Game and Watch, Pikachu, and Pichu were…_

The biker gang were all on the ground, moaning. Game and Watch were staring in utter disbelief at the carnage Pichu had managed to reap down on the motorcyclists.

Pichu nibbled the ropes apart that were holding Game and Watch and Pikachu to the stake. They still stared in utter disbelief at her (him, please tell me!). Pichu looked cute at them for a little while Game and Watch and Pikachu still stared in disbelief. Pichu frowned for a second, and then shocked the two gaping idiots.

"Wow…" Game and Watch said. "That was incredible." Pichu blushed and did an "Aww, shucks" face. "Okay… Uh… I guess we can steal their motorcycles." They grabbed a motorcycle, revved the engine, and fell over.

_Somewhere in the desert…_

Next on Survivor: The Desert. Will the group of celebrities be able to hold on to sanity without cell phones, fast food or any other modern conveniences? Find out now.

Young Link looked up. "There's a voice in my head, and it is scary."

Ness looked at him. "What's it saying?"

"It's telling me what's going to happen on the next episode of Survivor."

"SURVIVOR?" Everyone shouted and crowded around Young Link.

"God, I hate that show. What's going to happen?" Ness asked.

"Let's see… There will be several challenges… People will backstab each other repeatedly… and somebody… will be voted off!" Young Link said.

"GASP! It's like he's seen it already!" Peach said.

_On the plane…_

The Smashers had been holding off the puppies at the back of the plane for some time.

"WILL THIS NIGHTMARE NEVER END?" Link shouted.

"WILL I GET A WORD OF DIALOGUE THIS CHAPTER?" Zelda shouted.

Suddenly the captain spoke over the P.A. "Passengers, we will be landing in Cairo, Egypt in about five minutes. Please buckle up."

The puppies suddenly stopped their assault on the back of the plane and went back to their crate.

There was a stunned silence for several seconds, and then everyone went back to their seats.

"Well, that was, uh, odd." Zelda said. "Is Mewtwo better?"

Roy turned to Mewtwo and asked him, "Hey, Mewtwo, what am I?"

"You… are… a member of a pathetically designed race of over-evolved monkeys, who should stop asking stupid questions." Mewtwo said in a tone of utter disdain.

"HOORAY!" Everyone shouted.

"Nnn…"

_Elsewhere…_

"As you can see, the puppies failed to do anything… SO DON'T INTERFERE WITH MY PLANS!"

"Okey dokey!"

"I find that team efforts are wonderful for coming up with good plans. If you need any help, just ask!"

"Nnn…"

Darkwarrior17: I finished! I finished! And it only took me three days! YES! I will update Sunday, and you will all read. READ! And review! REVIEW! (2-13-07)


	13. Why Karma Should Only Effect Buddhists

Darkwarrior17: To do what I didn't do last chapter. I'm going to state the obvious. I'M BACK! And chock full of ideas! Let's see, reviews, reviews… Only three. (2-25-07)

Reviews:

Samusgirl: PLEASE DON'T HURT ME! And Editor has written a Tales story, she just wrote it this past Valentine's Day.

Darkwarrior17: If any of you are wondering about the state in which I wrote this chapter, please don't. (3-4-07)

Disclaimer: I am a freakish waste of carbon. I cannot own anything.

One Smashing Vacation

XIII

Why Karma Should Only Effect Buddhists

"Thus ends yet another hellish plane ride." Marth said, getting off the plane. "Now let us never speak of this again."

"Agreed. Right, where do we get a hotel?" Zelda asked.

"We didn't reserve one, so…" Master Hand said.

"NOSE GOES!" Link shouted, touching his finger to his nose. Everybody else touched their finger to their nose, except for Master Hand, who has the obvious handi(hee)cap of not having a nose.

"Wha- HEY!" Master Hand said.

"Sorry Master Hand, but the nose goes Gods command that you find us a hotel." Link said, smiling.

"While you're doing that, we're going to go see the sights." Roy said, walking away.

"I HOPE YOU GUYS DON'T BELIEVE IN KARMA!" Master Hand shouted as they walked away.

"Geez, what kind of a threat is tha- AHHHHHHHHHHHH! THERE'S A SNAKE IN MY BOOT!" Link shouted.

_Elsewhere…_

"Excellent! I can now start my backup plan. A grand, amazing and horrifyingly evil plan! Muhahaha!"

"I'm sure your plan will do just great. In fact, I'm going to write a book about it."

"I WANT TACOS!"

"Evil minions don't write books. And no tacos! Wait. Yes, tacos will be fine. With no spicy sauce."

"I'll take one with extra goodness."

"Okey-dokey!"

_In the Desert…_

"There's nothing to eat except cactus!" Mario wailed.

"Maybe there's juice inside." Luigi said, and split some off. Sure enough, there was cactus juice inside. Luigi took a large gulp out of it. "Hey, this is pretty good!"

"Are you sure this stuff is okay?" Peach said, sniffing it.

"Sure, I'm not dead!" The remaining Smashers passed it around, except for Young Link and Ness, who were sharing bottles of milk which Young Link seems to supply unlimitedly, but was not sharing.

"Losers!" Ganondorf shouted at them.

_Five minutes later…_

"I'm the Green Fairy!" The Green Fairy said. "THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF-WAAAAAH!" D.K. picked her up and ate her.

"Hee hee hee." Mario said.

"Hee hee hee." Luigi said.

"Hee hee hee." Mario said.

"Hee hee hee." Luigi said.

"I AM THE LIZARD QUEEN!" Yoshi shouted, suddenly able to talk.

"I'm smart!" Peach said, and then slammed her head into the ground.

"I vote we don't get involved…" Ness said.

"Too late." Young Link said, and there was suddenly an explosion where Ganondorf was, or had been, standing. A small mushroom cloud appeared, and the trippy Smashers began to bow down to it.

_On the road…_

Game and Watch (who seems to be able to drive every vehicle known to man), Pikachu and Pichu were making their way west. Amazing adventures had befallen them in the one hour time jump. But, we're going to skip that.

"Finally, after long hard traveling and many adventures, we're finally out of the desert." Game and Watch said as the passed a sign that said "Now Leaving Desert".

"Pika!"

"Chu?"

"I… where are we heading?" Game and Watch said, suddenly realizing that they had no idea of where they wanted to go.

"Pika pika pi?"

"No, that place doesn't exist."

"Pichu pi!"

"… I don't think that place exists either. And if it did, I don't think it would be legal to go to. Keep trying."

_In a cab in Egypt…_

Zelda looked up from a book she was reading. "Hey, have you realized that we haven't slept in days?"

"Huh?" Roy asked.

"Think about it. We never used our hotel in Sandusky or Tokyo, and we only had a little time to sleep on the plane. And what have we been eating?"

"Oh look, we're here." Mewtwo said.

"But you didn't answer my question-"

"I SAID, we're here!"

Everybody got out of the cab and looked at the Sphinx.

"Yet another civilization that thought cats were great." Mewtwo said, his tail curling.

"… Didn't the Chinese eat cats?" Link asked.

"No, I thought their god banished them from the Zodiac." Zelda said.

"You're both wrong. Let's hurry up and take the tour." Mewtwo said irritably.

_Elsewhere…_

"Excellent! The Smashers are at the Pyramids. GIR, bring him in."

"Can I get a cupcake?"

"No, get the blue-haired one! NOW!"

"Hey, if GIR gets a cupcake, can I have one?"

"NO CUPCAKES! GIR, GET HIM IN HERE NOW!"

"OKAY!"

"… There something wrong with that thing."

"GOT HIM!"

"Wonderful. Now, listen carefully. I want you to… Got it?"

"…Unless I'm missing something, you didn't say anything."

"Fine. I wanted to save time by transmitting the plan psychically, but your thick skull must be blocking the brain waves."

"Not really. We don't have psychic powers. We just pretend to to freak people out."

"Shut up, you fool! Now, listen carefully…"

_In the desert…_

"Well, now that all people are dead, we'll have to make a new world order." Peach said, addressing the remaining Smashers.

"What do you mean everyone's dead? We're just in a desert." Young Link said.

"Poor delusional fool. The nuclear-weapon-asteroid-alien-zombie-virus killed everyone off. Now, as for world orders, I propose that we have a harsh regime with me as queen of all remaining people. I will rule this world with an iron fist, and-"

"We're not the only ones left! Somebody stop her!" Young Link shouted.

"Jeez, calm down. She's just suffering from heat exhaustion." Ness said. "It shouldn't be a problem. Unless, of course, everyone believes her…"

"All hail Peach! She will protect us from the nuclear-weapon-asteriod-alein-zombie-virus that has destroyed so many!" Everyone said in unison.

"Well, if they don't hurt us."

"Destroy the non-believers!"

"… I should really keep my mouth shut."

"Gag their mouths!"

"Yeah. You really should."

_Egypt…_

"Welcome to the tour. I'm your tour guide." Tour Guide said.

"… You're pretty…" Link, Marth, and Roy said simultaneously.

"Thank you." Tour Guide said in a cutesy voice. "Now, today we are going to be taking a tour of the Giza Pyramids. Does anybody know who built them?"

"Pretty…"

"Are you sure? Does anybody know?"

"Was it King Tut?" Zelda said sarcastically

"Very good!" Tour Guide said.

"You're smart…"

"Yep. We're in good hands." Mewtwo said.

"RRRRRR…" Zelda said, obviously extremely annoyed.

"Now, over here is the first pyramid, which some say holds the curse of the mummy. We're not allowed to go inside, but feel free to take as many pictures as you want."

"Can we take pictures of you?" Link asked.

"Of course!"

"Stupid bitchy Tour Guide!" Zelda said, kicking the pyramid. The ground opened up below Link.

"WAG!" Link shouted as he plummeted into the hole. Zelda looked around. Nobody seemed to have noticed what had just happened. She shrugged, and ran to catch up with the rest of the tour group.

"The karma gods are most pleased." Mewtwo said as Zelda caught up.

_On the Outskirts of the Desert…_

"Okay, any other ideas?" Game and Watch asked. "No? Then let's look at the map…" He paused, looking at the map that had magically appeared. "Hey … We're kind of close to Vegas…"

"Pika?"

"Pichu?"

"Yes, Vegas. Want to go?"

"Pika!"

"All right then, here we go!" Game and Watch shouted, accelerated, and fell over.

_In the Desert…_

Young Link and Ness were gagged and bound. The remaining Smashers had lined up next to the cliff, and D.K. was carrying Peach.

"CAST THEM OVER!" Peach shouted.

Mario and Luigi did so.

Young Link and Ness fell.

And fell.

And fell.

And fell.

Until…

POP!

"Oof!"

They were in a stark white room that had several glowy green panels. In the center of one of the walls there was a blank black panel.

"Where are we?" Young Link said.

"You are in an intergalactic nexus of teleporters." A computerized voice said. The words he had just said appeared on the panel. "You may call me Gary."

"Uh… Hello?"

"It is a pleasure to meet you. I have few visitors."

"Okay…" Ness said slowly, looking Young Link. "How did we get here?"

"Let me explain this in a way you might understand. Knock, Knock."

"Who's there?"

"Warp."

"Warp Who?"

"An intergalactic warp-hole who can take anyone anywhere."

"♫Mu-mu-mu-mu-Monkey! Mu-mu-mu-mu-Monkey!♫" A monkey came out of nowhere.

"Oh. Hello, Monkey."

"What the hell?" Ness said.

"I'm a Monkey, so I can go anywhere! Like here, and here, and here!" The monkey jumped around from place to place. "Good bye!" The monkey vanished.

"… They force fed us the cactus juice, didn't they?"

"No, that was a normal occurrence. This is the vertex in warp triangulation. Every person who warps must come here, and then leave. Monkey is coming often, as he can go anywhere." Gary said.

"But how did we get here?" Ness asked again.

"You must have fallen into a warp-hole. Simple."

"GAH, we're just going around in circles!" Young Link said.

"When one warps, they move in a triangle."

"SHUT UP!"

_In the tomb…_

Link was standing in the middle of a fairly dark tomb.

"Well, this sucks." He said, stating the obvious. He looked around. He realized he couldn't, because it was too dark. He lit a bomb. A mummy was looking him straight in the eye. "AHHHHH!" Link screamed, and hit his head on the wall, knocking himself out.

Darkwarrior17: Ooh, scary. What will happen next time? Beats me. Anyhoooooooooooooo, review, and I will update. Hooray! (3-2-07)


	14. When in Rome, Walk Like an Egyptian

Darkwarrior17: Okay, let's take a vote. Who wants to hear my lists of excuses as to why it took me so long to update? Now who wants to get on with the story? Okay then, on with the show!

Reveiws:

ElementUchihaMaster: You're about a year late… And they already went there… Yeah… Thanks anyway!

Samusgirl: The triangle warp thing was because of the way I traveled on the gummi ship in Kingdom Hearts for a while. I didn't know I could warp to any destination, so I would usually end up warping from wherever I was, to Agrabah, to wherever I wanted to go. I found out after I published that chapter that my sister had been doing that too. And the cactus thing is in reference to Avatar: the Last Airbender, a show on Nickelodeon.

Disclaimer: I may not own anything, but your money's no good in Hugh Jackman's world.

One Smashing Vacation

XIV

When In Rome, Walk Like an Egyptian

"So we can go anywhere, like the weird monkey said?" Ness asked.

"That is correct." Gary said.

"Okay… How do we know which portal to go through?"

"Where do you want to go?"

"Earth!" Young Link shouted.

"But nowhere dangerous."

"Yeah, in fact, take us to my older self!"

"Your portal is open." Gary said. A portal opened next to Ness and Young Link.

"Thanks, Gary!" Ness said, stepping through the portal.

"Yeah, this is awesome." Young Link said as he also stepped through the portal. The portal shut behind them.

"… Ha ha… Ha ha ha…" Gary said.

_In Egypt…_

"WHY IS IT SO HARD TO FIND A HOTEL THAT"S NOT ALSO A HIDEOUT FOR TERRORISTS HERE?!!!" Master Hand shouted.

"Excuse me, I know a place you might want to try." A cloaked figure said to him.

Master Hand tried to raise his eyebrows. He failed, obviously. He then got on with the point. "Oh yeah? Where? And who are you?"

"That's not important. Would you like the place or not?"

Master Hand looked around. All the other places had people with machine guns or bombs strapped to their chests. (A/N: Okay, fine that might be a little unfairly stereotypical)

"Fine, whatever."

"Excellent."

_In a Pyramid…_

Link came to. A mummy looked down at him.

"RRRRrrr…" The mummy said.

"AHHHHHH!" Link shouted.

"Please excuse them. They are not the most articulate." A mummy wearing an Anubis Mask said.

"You speak English?" Link asked.

"Yes, and many more languages! When one dies, they become bilingual to every language."

"Wait, what?...Well, how come they aren't talking right?" Link pointed to four mummies who were standing around and grunting repeatedly.

"REERRR."

"ROORRR."

"RAARRR."

"Yes… When they mummify someone they… cut out their tongue."

"Eww… Wait. How come you can talk?"

"This stupid mask got stuck."

"Wait, what? Wha- WHY AM I EVEN ASKING THESE QUESTIONS? WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?"

"You are the reincarnation of our long-lost Pharaoh. We have been waiting thousands of years for you to return after those grave robbers mistook you for some jerky…"

"Was that a short joke?" Link asked.

"Wha- What?"

"That sounded like a short joke."

"No… Do you have a problem?"

"No, it just sounded like a short joke."

"You don't seem short."

"It seemed like a short joke."

The mummy gave a blank stare (Or you can assume he did, hard to tell under the mask.) "Whatever. Now, sir Pharaoh, are you ready for the feast?"

"Feast! WHERE?"

"Rirrr rorerr reerrr." A mummy pointed to a table filled with every kind of food imaginable. Apparently, Tupperware was invented in Egypt. And cooling systems. And some sort of artificialness that keeps forever. Link disregarded this and jumped at the table, where he began to stuff himself silly.

_Outside the pyramid…_

"Hey… where'd Link go?" Marth asked.

"It took you that long to notice?" Mewtwo said.

"Uh… yeah."

"Okay." Mewtwo turned and walked away.

"Right. So where is he?"

Mewtwo continued walking.

"… Stupid cat."

"If you don't hurry up, you'll miss the rest of the tour!" The Tour Guide said.

"COMING!"

_At a strange and mysterious building…_

"What a strange and mysterious building." Master Hand said as he and the cloaked figure approached.

"Now, I must warn you, I have what might be called bad company, but they are not too hostile." The cloaked figure said.

"What's that mean?" Master Hand said as he walked into the building. Samus pointed her blaster directly at him.

"What do you think it means?" Fox said as he pulled off his cloak.

"Oh damn." Master Hand said. And then tried to flee the building. Through the roof.

WHAM!

Falco crashed into him full force, knocking Master Hand onto the top of the building, and also knocking him out.

Fox jumped up after him and shouted, "Captain Falcon! Bind him!"

"I don't want to."

"…What?"

"I'm bored. I want to go home so I can get rid of the fish smell."

"Captain Falcon, tie him up, or so help me, I will feed you to jackals."

"Fine, don't get all bitchy about it." Captain Falcon started to tie Master Hand up. Fox started to pull out his blaster.

"Don't kill Captain Falcon. We might need him later." Samus shouted from below.

"I re-he-heally don't see why." Fox said.

"What?"

"I said I really don't see why."

"I'm done tying him!" Captain Falcon said. Falco tapped Master Hand with his foot. The ropes immediately fell off.

"Fool! The bunny goes around the tree, then back into the hole!" Falco said.

"I want to pet the bunny…" Captain Falcon said.

"Oh. My. God. WILL YOU JUST TIE HIM UP SO WE CAN GET HIM BACK TO THE SHIP?" Samus shouted.

"Mr. Bossy…"

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" Samus pointed her blaster at the floor beneath where Captain Falcon was standing.

"Ah-ah-ah. We might need him later." Fox said. Samus then pointed her blaster at Fox. "Okay… Maybe we don't…"

_Inside the Pyramid…_

Link had finished eating, although the word eating may be a bit of an understatement.

"I don't think I could eat another bite… but I'm gonna try!"

"Sir, don't you think we should be getting on with the ceremony?" The Anubis mummy said.

"What ceremony?" Link asked between bites of a pie.

"We must crown you our Pharaoh in a great majestic ceremony at sundown!"

"Okay, I don't know how you tell what time it is down here, but sounds good."

"And then, we will mummify you alive, where everyone can watch."

"…What?"

"TO THE CEREMONY!"

_At Samus' ship…_

"Okay, Captain Falcon. You're in charge of guarding Master Hand while we get everyone else. Don't do anything stupid." Samus said.

"Consider it already done!" Captain Falcon said cheerily.

"Nnnn…" Samus left the ship. Captain Falcon turned to Master Hand and asked, "Want to play a board game?"

"Um… Maybe later." Master Hand said. Getting out of here might actually be fairly easy.

_Inside the pyramid…_

"Um, I really don't want to be a mummy, so if you could just let me go now…" Link said.

"SILENCE!" The Anubis mummy shouted. "Now, we are gathered here today for a very special occasion."

"Oh, come on, if I'm going to die, at least don't make it sound like a wedding."

"This occasion is the arrival of our grand Pharaoh, Pharaoh Doodleostimas."

"What the hell?"

"In the spirit of this occasion, perhaps you'd like to say a few words?" The Anubis mummy gestured to Link.

"Okay… Um, I don't want to have my brains ripped out through my nostrils, so I'm going to do this." Link pulled out a bomb and threw it, exploding a good chuck of the mummies standing around. When the smoke cleared, Link could be soon running down a passage as fast as he could.

"AFTER HIM! HE'S OUR PHAROAH!" The Anubis mummy shouted.

"RRRRRRR!" The mummy population ran after him, at actually a fairly good speed.

"Running, running, running!" Link said. He skidded to a stop and turned into another passage. "Crap, crap, crap, crap!" He could hear the mummies behind him, and he did not feel like being caught.

SMACK!

In the dim light of the Pyramid, Link had made the mistake of running straight into a wall. The wall presently turned around, revealing a handy secret passageway.

"Ow… Well, I think I lost them." Link said, rubbing his head.

"And just who the hell are you?" Yuan said.

"WAH!"

"A little jumpy, apparently. But you still have not answered my question: Who are you?"

"Um, Link."

"Oh. Then I'm afraid I'm going to have to take you prisoner." Yuan said, as though this happened to people every day.

"No! I don't want to have my brains pulled out my nose!" Link said, backing away from Yuan.

"Brains through the nose… What?" Yuan said.

"Wait. You're not with the mummies? Then who are you?"

"I am Yuan. I have come to collect you, and those that you are traveling with. Now come with me, or die."

"Um, wait, no…" Link backed himself into a wall. The wall promptly flipped around, putting Link into the ceremony room.

"IT'S THE PHARAOH! WE MUST DO OUR BIZARRE AND ENTIRELY UNNECESSARY RITUAL!" The Anubis mummy shouted.

"WAH!" Link pressed against the wall. It flipped back to Yuan, who was pulling out his huge weapon-thing.

"Don't do that again." He said. "Now, are you going to come quietly?"

"Um… Uh…" Link stuttered, trying not to back into the wall again.

_In Samus' ship…_

"Uh, Captain Falcon, why don't we play a game?" Master Hand said. Wriggling his way free had not worked, and now he was trying something new.

"A game? Okay!" Captain Falcon said gleefully.

"How about Simon Says?"

"Sure!"

"Okay, I go first. Simon Says, untie me." Captain Falcon did so. "Okay, now, Simon says don't move." Captain Falcon did his best to stand stock still. Master Hand ran off. Captain Falcon still didn't move.

_In the Pyramid…_

"Uh, maybe we could settle this over a drink?" Link asked, grabbing a pot that looked like it might hold alcohol. Yuan broke it with his sword thing. Smoke started pouring out of the pot, and a large bluish man suddenly appeared. The blue man turned to Link and said, "You have released me! I will grant you one wish of any kind."

"I wish I could somehow get out of here!" Link shouted.

"That's vague enough!" The genie said, and went away in a flash.

_Outside of the Pyramid… _

"Pyramid popsicles. What will they think of next?" Mewtwo said, walking away from an ice cream stand.

POP!

Mewtwo disappeared. The pyramidsicle hit the ground and started melting.

_Inside the Pyramid…_

Mewtwo popped into the Pyramid with a flash. He looked around. Link and a blue haired person were staring at him. The blue haired person had some sort of weapon raised threateningly over Link. Mewtwo looked down. His Pyramidsicle was gone. He looked up.

"All right. Which one of you is responsible for the Pyramidsicle?" Mewtwo asked with a very evil look in his eyes.

"He is." Link said, pointing at Yuan and ducking.

BOOM!

Yuan was sent flying across the room, hitting the wall, which opened into the passage with the mummies.

"THERE HE IS!" The Anubis mummy shouted, pointing at Link.

"SAVE ME SAVE ME SAVE ME SAVE ME SAVE ME SAVE ME SAVE ME!" Link shouted, clinging onto Mewtwo.

"Get off me." Mewtwo said teleporting away. Fortunately for Link, Mewtwo took him with him.

_Outside of the Pyramid…_

Mewtwo and Link popped outside of the Pyramid. Marth and Roy were still paying avid attention to Tour Guide. Zelda was still looking close to killing them.

"THANK YOU! Oh my God, THANK YOU!" Link said, bowing down to Mewtwo. Mewtwo's tail was begging to curl when Master Hand came flying up.

"THEY'RE HERE!" He shouted.

"Who?" Zelda asked.

"Samus. They nearly captured me and we have to go now."

"Oh, but then you can't finish the tour!" Tour Guide said.

"You know, Master Hand, she has a point." Marth said.

"Yeah, we really should finish the tour." Roy said.

"Alright, if you to don't come now I will personally bury you up to your necks in sand and put rotting carcasses on your heads so jackals and vultures will eat you in a slow and agonizing way." Zelda said. Marth and Roy gulped.

"Okay, I guess now would be a good time to go." Marth said, starting to leave.

"All right, nobody move." Yuan said, coming out of nowhere.

"AHHH! IT'S HIM!" Link shouted, and hid behind Master Hand.

"I'm here to take you in. If you resist, I will-" Yuan suddenly spotted Zelda. Angels began to sing. A golden light came down and surrounded Zelda. "Are you… Martel?" Yuan asked, awestruck.

"Huh?" Zelda said, slightly confused.

"For years I have searched for you, and now it must be you! He said he would bring you back, and it has come true!" Yuan said, in some sort of delirium.

WHAM!

Link hit Yuan on the back of the head with the flat of his sword. "Right, let's go, now, please?"

_Elsewhere…_

"… It seems Yuan is failing. Time for Plan B."

"You mean Plan C."

"…What?"

"Your first plan was to put the puppies on the plane, and your second, Yuan."

"DO NOT CONTRADICT ME!"

"Ooh, he's scary!"

"Don't worry, buddy, it's not your fault your plans screw up."

"BLARG!"

Darkwarrior17: Wow, I kind of like this chapter. Very good. Lots done. Right. 3-29-07.


	15. How to be a Lawyer

Darkwarrior17: Okay, fine. I admit this is late in coming. But I have excuses. The computer was to slow, so we replaced it, so that took a while, and then it didn't have Word for a while, then I had to get the stuff I had already written onto this computer (Gmail is awesome that way), then I realized I didn't like what I had written, so… Yeah. Not my fault. (6-3-07)

Reviews:

Samusgirl: Apparently threats work on me because he's in this chapter too!

Darkwarrior17: Well, if you read my profile, you'll have already figured out that I'm updating when I finish a chapter. So enjoy! (6-14-07)

Disclaimer: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T WATCH RED VS. BLUE? SCREW BLEACH!

One Smashing Vacation

XV

How to Be a Lawyer

"Crazy M. Hand, since you are obviously incompetent-"

"I PLEAD THE FIFTH!"

"The court will be assigning you a lawyer. Satonius?"

Red smoked suddenly swirled up from the ground next to Crazy Hand. There was a sudden explosion, dissipating the smoke and revealing a short man with a goatee.

"Hi, there." Satanius said with a Southern accent, holding out his hand, which was red and clawed.

"Hiya!" Crazy said, and grabbed the hand and shook it vigorously. He then caught on fire. "Ow, I'm fire!"

"My apologies. Shall we be starting these infernal affairs?"

"That wasn't funny the first time you said it." The judge said, banging his gavel.

_Elsewhere…_

"Excellent! The assembly is almost complete!"

"I just hope they don't eat all the chips and dip. Getting those from Mom wasn't easy."

"Shut up, you fool! You will make a mockery of my establishment."

"YAAA! Mockery! I'll go put on the music!"

WhAm!

"I'm stuck to the ceiling!"

"Yes, installing electromagnets in the ceiling was a good idea."

"Which is why we never wear metal!"

"Shut up. Is everyone here? Good. As you know- Wait. Why are you all not humanoid?"

"Huh?"

"Hey, I'm humanoid!"

"No, you're most definitely not anything like a human."

"I don't know. I think it depends on your definition of humanoid."

"Humanoid means… Wait. What does humanoid mean?"

"Can we get on here?"

"No, this is important."

"You're out of chips and dip."

"I SAID IMPORTANT!"

_Five Minutes Later…_

"Okay, I was wrong. You are humanoid."

"DOES IT MAKE A DIFFERENCE?"

"No, not really. I just thought it notable. NOW SILENCE! You all know why you're here- Wait. One of you is missing!"

"Nobody left! Can we just get on with this stupid thing?"

"Hmm… That means one of you never made it. GIR! Hold down the fort while is search the black hole holding all my files for that invitation list of mine."

"OKEY DOKEY! I'm going to sing the Doom Song Now! Doom doom, doom dooooom doom doom, do-do-do-DOOOOOOOM!"

"Let me see… I really need to keep my villains straight… Hmm… WHO COULD WE BE MISSING?!"

_In the Desert…_

"Ow… I have an incredible case of the munchies…" Ganondorf said as he woke up. He hadn't even remembered falling asleep. Actually, he couldn't really remember anything.

"Hey… Who are you guys?" Mario asked.

"I…don't know." Luigi said.

"Strange." Peach said, pointing at Mario. "I find that one attractive, even though he's a fat ass and a moron."

"Hey!"

"Roar!" Donkey Kong shouted.

"Shut up, you dirty ape!" Peach shouted. "Well, obviously, I should be in charge."

"And how's that obvious, stupid lady?" Ganondorf said, sneering slightly.

"Shut up! I'm in charge here!" Peach shrieked.

"Oh yeah? Who said?"

"Oh, boys?" Peach said to Mario and Luigi, while making pouty lips. "Would you let me be in charge? Please????"

"I'll be your follower first!" Luigi shouted.

"No, I will!" Mario shouted.

"Roar!" D.K. crushed both of them.

"… Okay, the ape should not have done anything there." Ganondorf said. "You know what? I'm leaving. You and your 'followers' can do whatever."

"Good riddance, you ugly freak." Peach flipped off Ganondorf as he walked away.

"Yoshi?" Yoshi was following behind Ganondorf.

"Go away. I don't know who you are, but I don't really care." Ganondorf said, and continued walking. Yoshi continued following. "GO AWAY!"

_At the Mansion…_

"Jiggly?" Jigglypuff called out. Nobody answered. _I must have the house to myself,_ she decided. She had just finished her week-long nap. She decided to take another.

_Cairo Airport…_

"Okay, quickly. Where do we want to go?" Master Hand asked at the ticket booth.

"Uh…"

"Um…"

"Somewhere not insane?"

"… That's really helpful."

"Samus is here." Mewtwo said.

"Maybe we could go somewhere tropical."

"No, I burn easily."

"We're in Egypt and you haven't burned yet."

"Guys, seriously, Samus is here."

"How 'bout Mexico?"

"Yeah, Viva Piñata!"

"Okay, never mind."

"EVERYBODY DUCK NOW!"

BOOM!

The wall behind them exploded as they ducked.

"Hey, Captain Falcon was supposed to hang onto you." Fox said, pointing at Master Hand.

"Well, that was stupid, was in it?" Roy said. "RUN!"

Master Hand's group trampled over Samus'.

"Ow… That was unexpected. AFTER THEM!" Samus shouted, running herself.

"SHE CAN'T FOLLOW US IN THERE! IT SAYS EMPLOYEES ONLY!" Link shouted, pointing to a door. Everybody ducked inside and stopped. "Um… I was kind of kidding." Link said.

BOOM!

Samus blew the door open to find a large dust trail, Master Hand's group at the front of it.

"Fox, see if you can find a way around and head them off." Samus ordered. She and Falco took off after the group, while Fox went in a different direction.

_In Las Vegas…_

"Wow…" Game and Watch said, staring at the various sights.

"Pika…" Pikachu said, also staring at the sights.

"PICHU!" Pichu said, pointing to a casino called The Casino.

"LET'S MAKE SOME MUNNIES!" Game and Watch shouted, and ran into The Casino.

_567 Seconds Later…_

"We're down to five dollars." Game and Watch said. "What can we do with five dollars?"

"I dunno… Rent a gun, buy a bullet?" The black jack dealer said, laughing. Pikachu then shocked him into submission.

"Well, this sucks." Game and Watch said.

"Manager, one of your Blackjack dealers just ate my chips!" One of the various patrons was shouting at the manager.

"He's probably very hungry, miss. Did he ask to share first?"

"I MEANT MY MONEY!"

"Oh. Well, that's bad." The Manager walked away with the lady.

Game and Watch looked at Pichu and Pikachu. Pichu and Pikachu looked back. They started after them.

_At the Cairo Airport…_

"I think we might have lost them…" Roy said, gasping for breath.

"Good. Now, you're coming with me." Yuan said.

"GAH!" Link shouted in surprise. Yuan and Botta were standing behind them.

"He may have brought Martel back, but I still have my duty to fulfill." Yuan said. "Botta. Put the handcuffs on them. We don't want them getting away. Again."

"Hey, why do you have a sleeve on one arm, but not the other?" Link pointed at Botta's arm.

"Huh?" Yuan and Botta looked at the arm. There was no sleeve on the one arm. Yuan and Botta looked up. The Smashers were gone.

"Botta! You fool!" Yuan hit Botta in the back of the head.

"WHERE DID HE COME FROM?" Marth shouted.

"I don't know, but Samus is behind us again!" Zelda said. Master Hand shouted several expletives, which will not be repeated.

_Elsewhere…_

"Doom doom doom, dodododooom, DOOoOoooOOO-"

"QUIET, GIR! After a long and unnecessary search, I've have figured out who-"

"It's Ganondorf, isn't it?"

"… Yes. How'd you figure that out?"

"How'd you not figure that out?"

"Unfortunately, during my personality split, the other me got to remember my villains database."

"I'm making an Alphabet Song out of them! A is Andross, He's a Monkey, B is for Bowser the turtle, C is for-"

"SILENCE! Now, to make my plan work, we need Ganondorf. So-"

"Wait. You still haven't told us who you are, or what you're even doing. Shouldn't you-"

"SILENCE! I control every move you make, every word you utter, and every thought I choose to make audible. I could make you run into walls repeatedly if it amused me. Which, incidentally, it does. Now, listen to my plan, or I will make you die in ways you can't imagine!"

"… Could you at least tell us your name?"

"… No."

_In a Courtroom…_

"And in conclusion, it is not my client's fault that these things happened to him." Satanuis finished his speech and sat down. "We're dead." He said to Crazy Hand.

"Wha? WHY?"

"While, unfortunately, the opposing lawyer sold his soul to me if he would win every case he ever took on."

"How can you promise that?"

"While, I'm kind of Satan."

"… Who?"

"Satan… As in the Devil? Ring any bells, son?" Crazy Hand shook his head (or whatever). "Hmmm… I reckon I could have some fun here." Satan stood up. "We're going ask that the sentencing is something like community service, or whatever."

"Okay, whatever." The Judge said, banging his gavel. "Crazy M. Hand, I sentence you to 40 hours of community service."

"Awww… That sounds hard." Crazy Hand complained.

"Tell you what." Satan said slyly. "I'll make it so that all your community service is done, if you sell me your soul."

"I have a soul?" Crazy Hand said, signing the contract Satan was waving in front of him.

"Not anymore." Satan said, putting the contract in his suit. "Now, shall we go to your new home?" He opened a portal. Red flames and various screams came from it.

"Yay! It smells like barbeque!" Crazy said, running into the portal. Satan stepped through, closing the portal. The Judge looked around, shrugged, and was run over by a bus.

_At the Cairo Airport…_

Master Hand's group stopped inside a large room. It was filled with various luggage.

"Maybe we lost them." Zelda said hopefully.

"Freeze." Fox said, his blaster raised.

"I hate you." Master Hand said to Zelda.

"Why should we?" Mewtwo asked. "Obviously, you're no match for us all together."

"Well, uh-" Fox stuttered.

"And besides, what's the point? You could probably pretend we knocked you out and just not do any work. Then just wait for Samus to come along, pretend to be in pain, and get a little time off." Mewtwo continued. The other Smashers were staring at him as if he had gone insane.

"But then you'd get away!" Fox said.

"Fine. I guess we could actually kick your ass." Mewtwo said. "What say we neuter him?"

"Fine, fine." Fox lay down on the ground and closed his eyes. "Stupid ground has to be so cold." he mumbled.

"That wasn't very nice." Link said as they walked away.

"Really? My tail's curling."

"HEY! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!" An employee shouted.

"Into the box!" Marth shouted, pointing at an open box. Everyone quickly ran inside, and shut the box before the employee caught them.

BRZaapP!

The employee opened the door. There was no one inside. He scratched his head, and turned around to find Samus standing behind him.

"Sir, you're not allowed to be here." The employee said.

"Why do people keep doing that?" Falco asked the "unconscious" Fox as Samus beat the crap out of the guy.

"I have no idea." Fox said. "I mean, uh, drool"

_In an Intergalactic Nexus of Teleporters…_

"Where are we?" Link asked.

"You are in an Intergalactic Nexus of Teleporters. My name is Gary. I am a supercomputer that can control wormholes. Would you like to go somewhere?"

"Anywhere? Really?" Master Hand asked.

"Shut up, Master Hand. You don't trust a strange computer." Zelda said.

"I can open a portal to an ocean cruise." Gary said.

"LET'S GO!" Zelda said. Gary opened a warp hole in the wall and everybody but Mewtwo stepped through.

"You're more of a jerk than I am, Gary. And that's saying something." Mewtwo said.

"Well, just because you know." Gary said smugly. "I can take you there."

"No, I'll take myself." Mewtwo said, teleporting out.

_London, England…_

"Well, this sucks." Link said, standing in the middle of a puddle on a rainy day.

_On a Desert Island somewhere…_

"HOW DID I END UP HERE?" Roy shouted.

"Quiet! Me and Wilson are trying to have a conversation." A guy with a scraggly beard said, and turned back to his volleyball.

_In a cave somewhere…_

"BATS! NOT IN THE HAIR!" Marth shouted, swing his sword wildly in the dark.

_In an old home in Kansas…_

"And that was the year I got Horace, this kitty here." An old lady pointed to one of her many cats.

"I WANT OUT!" Zelda shouted.

"What happened to 'never trust a strange computer'?" Mewtwo said, popping out of nowhere.

"Oh, hello, kitty. Do you want some food?" The old lady asked.

"No, we've got more people to get." Mewtwo said, popping him and Zelda out of there.

_England, 658…_

"Oh… Dear… God…" Mewtwo said. He was in the middle of a dirty street. Several dead bodies were in the same vague area. Some grubby children were fighting in what did not look like mud. The Hand had just entered the Dark Ages.

Darkwarrior17: Ooh, cliffhanger! Yeah, this was supposed to be up yesterday, but stupid finals. No one makes me learn when I don't want to! (6-11-07)


	16. He's a Witch!

Darkwarrior17: No offense, guys, but I'm so bored I'm starting the next chapter the day I finished the last one. I never do that. I mean this is just insane. Oh well. Not like you're going to complain. Also, most of the people in this story are either heavy references or based on stereotypes. (June 11, 2006)

Samusgirl: "Huh?? Oh no! I'm slipping!" That was Editor on receiving this.

Audrey: Shut up.

Darkwarrior17: In retro retrospect, (Which is the type of retrospect where you are looking at your retrospective statements (See bottom of the page)) I realized that this chapter is in fact funnier than I thought. My disappointment in it was probably because it took so darn long to make, and I was tired of it. So, read on, whoever reads this now. I doubt anyone expected it. Also, you want to know the funny thing? I thought I was getting a jump start on things.

Disclaimer: The problem is, I've referenced so many things by now, that just saying I don't own Super Smash Bros. would be a bit of an understatement. So, at the end of the story, I will find every character, every song, every concept (okay, maybe not concept) and make a disclaimer for it.

One Smashing Vacation

XVI

He's a Witch!

"Bring out your dead!" A man shouted. He was pulling a cart with a bunch of dead bodies on it. "Bring out your dead!" He shouted again, but then stopped in front of a pub called the Poison Mushroom. He stopped his cart and walked in. The place was filled with many strange people, most notably the large floating hand who seemed to be telling his life story to the peasant sitting next to him.

"And then the bratsh caushed a lot of property damage, whish in my time any one can make a lot of money off that, and then we deshided to make a run for it, but then a bitshy lady decided to chashe for no reason, and then we deshtroyed more property, and then a computer made me go to shere, or now, I guesh both, but now if I don't die of plague, I get to stay in a hell hole for the resht of my life."

"Uh huh, uh huh. That's what you just said for you." The guy said, trying to give obvious signs that he did not like having this conversation.

The man with the cart looked at Master Hand for a second. Then he walked up to the counter and sat next to Master Hand.

"Hi. Can I buy you a drink?" The man said.

"Several doshen would probably hep more." Master Hand said. If it isn't apparent, he had already had several beverages of the alcoholic nature. I hesitate to use terms such as beer or ale, because the drink they were serving was almost as far from anything of that sort.

"Um, how about one?"

"Dat will do nishly."

The man with the cart smiled. "I overheard you talking. Are you really from the future?"

Master Hand didn't say anything for a bit. "If I shay yes, do I get burned at the shtake for witch craft?"

"Not… that I'm aware of…" The man said. "I'm Klarth, by the way."

"… Fine, yesh, I'm from the future."

"WITCH! HE'S A WITCH!" One of the bar patrons shouted.

"BURN HER!"

"I hashe you." Master Hand said, as the peasants around them began to pull out pitchforks and torches.

"Here, I can take care of them." Klarth stood up. "I call upon the envoy from the dark abyss…I summon thee- COME, SHADOW!"

BOOM!

The peasants ran away.

"BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL!" Master Hand shouted, suddenly sober.

"Hmm, maybe I shouldn't have used Shadow. He tends to play with lesser minds." Klarth muttered.

"You know, I know someone exactly like that- Wait, what am I saying? Where did that come from?"

"I'm from the future. I'm a time traveling mage. A spell got screwed up and I was separated from my party. Ever since then, I've been the guy with the dead-people cart."

"… Oh. Well that's… interesting…"

"Please… Help me get out of here… You don't know what it's like to drag a cart full of dead people around…"

"Um… Honestly, I was about to ask you for that."

"I have a way out. But I need help. There are these three mystical objects that will teleport you through time, and I can get them if you help me."

"Okay, good, what are the objects?"

"A fork, knife, and spoon."

"…"

"Is that a problem?"

"No, sorry, I was just expecting like jewels or something. Maybe, like a sword, shield, and helmet."

"Oh. Well, take what you can, right?"

"I'm not complaining, just… odd."

"Uh, okay, let's get started!"

_A half hour later…_

"Okay, The Spoon is in the possession of a peasant lady in this village here. Now, they've been hard hit by the plague, so if we can solve their problem, I think we can get the spoon." Klarth said, pointing at a series of huts.

"Wait. The village is infested with plague and you want to go down there and take an item from them."

"Correct."

"That is retarded."

"Oh, come on! I've been pulling around a dead-people cart and I'm still alive."

"Neh. Fine. Let's just go down and tell them not to put their corpses in their drinking water and get out."

"Okay… That could work…"

"Of course it will."

_Two minutes later…_

"WITCH! THEY'RE WITCHES!" A hag shouted, pointing at Master Hand and Klarth.

"New plan. Take the Spoon and run." Master Hand said.

"Right."

The hag was actually pointing the spoon threateningly at both of them, advancing slowly while still shouting, "Witch! Witch!"

WHACK!

Klarth hit the hag with a book, grabbed the Spoon, and ran. An angry mob showed up as Master Hand looked in surprise.

"Where's the witch?" A man with a pitchfork said.

"Uh… There she is." Master Hand said, pointing to the semi-conscious hag. The mob picked her up and ran off, presumably to burn her.

"Well that was… pleasant." Master Hand said as Klarth came out from behind a rock.

"You get used to it."

"I doubt it. Where's the next piece of silverware?"

Klarth flipped through the book that he had hit the hag with. "It is… with a procession of wizards… that are one mile north… and traveling… eighty miles an hour."

WHAM!

A parade of wizards moving at top speed ran over them and halted.

"Village!" One of the wizards shouted. "We have come to save you from your plague, and bring good times down upon you!"

"Who are you to hand out help and good health? We don't want any." One of the peasants said, brandishing a pitchfork.

"I will tell you… IN SONG!" The wizard shouted, and his fellow wizards got into line.

"Oh God… These buffoons…" Klarth said, picking himself up.

"You know them?" Master Hand asked.

"I once tried to join their Order, and then figured out they were a load of bull. Watch." Klarth said, and the wizards broke into song.

"OOOOOOOOOH-"

_Five Minutes Later…_

"TA-DA!"

"That song didn't explain anything." One of the peasants shouted. "And the lyrics didn't even rhyme!"

"And the tune was mediocre, at best." Another peasant said.

"People, this is beside the point!" The head-wizard shouted. "We have come to heal your ravaged land!... for a small fee."

"Yeah?" A peasant shouted back. "Well, let us sing a song about how ravaged we feel! Ready?"

"Ready!"

"Ready!"

"Ready!"

"ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE!"

BOOM!

Where the singing peasants had stood there were now four chickens, which looked mildly shocked, and then started pecking.

"No one is allowed to sing but us." The wizard said. "Now, let us heal you! Or does anyone else want to be a chicken?"

"Someone's stealing a fork." A peasant said, pointing to the wizard's caravan.

Everyone turned and stared. Master Hand and Klarth were in the middle of grabbing the Fork from its holder. That's right, the Fork had a holder.

"Uh…" Klarth said.

"LOOK, A DISTRACTION!" Master Hand shouted. The peasants all turned, but the wizards just laughed.

"FOOL! Mind tricks do not work on us!" The wizard shouted, cackling.

"Okay…" Master Hand said. "I'm out of ideas. What do we do now?"

"Here. I'll take care of them." Klarth said, and opened his book. "I call upon the servant of Mother Earth… I summon thee, COME, GNOME!"

Klarth's ring glowed bright red for a moment, then spluttered and died.

"HEY, WHAT GIVES?" Klarth shouted, looking at the ring. A sheet of paper tied to a rock shot out of the ring. Klarth took the paper and read: "Have gone fishing. Will come back later. I left a rock you can throw at your enemies. Love, Gnome. ;)"

"WHAT? YOU CAN'T GO ON VACATION! Ah, stupid Gnome!" Klarth was about to throw the rock when suddenly the wizards gasped and began bowing and chanting in some language.

"Uh…?" Klarth put the rock down. All the wizards' eyes followed it. Klarth picked it up again. All the wizard's eyes followed it. Klarth pretended to throw it. All the wizard's eyes tried to follow it, but then realized that he hadn't actually thrown it and was still holding the rock, and they all turned back to Klarth.

"Oh, I like this." Klarth said, tossing the rock up and down.

"Please, give us that rock! It is our God!" The head wizard shouted.

"… What?" Master Hand asked.

"For years, we have waited for it to appear to us, so we could be taken unto the heavens, and achieve everlasting peace! We will do anything for it!"

Master Hand and Klarth looked at each other. A grin slowly appeared on Klarth's face. One can assume that Master Hand was grinning as well, but due to his lack of face it was hard to tell.

_Much later…_

"So, all we've got to do is help you get your knife."

"That's right."

"WONDERFUL! We will summon it from here. Berlin, get everybody ready!"

A purple wizard, presumably Berlin, got every wizard in a circle.

"Everybody ready?" The head wizard shouted.

"Aye."

"Aye!"

All the wizards raised their hands in the air and began chanting. A blue light began to glow above them. The chant got louder and louder. The glow got bluer and bluer (I'm not sure if bluer is a word). Suddenly there was a loud roaring sound, and in the middle of the circle, a large, green, fiendish looking dragon appeared. And, being held in its large, green, fiendish claw, it was holding the Knife. And it was using it as a tooth pick.

So intent was it on picking his teeth, the dragon did not actually notice the wizards for several seconds.

Master Hand was in shock. If he had a mouth, he would have been gaping.

The wizards were in shock. None of them seemed to know what to do.

Klarth seemed to be the only one not in shock. He walked behind Master Hand, said quietly, "You know, there was a reason I needed your help," and began to summon Undine.

"HELL'S BELLS!" The head wizard shouted, and began to shoot spells at the dragon. Completely unfazed, the dragon lazily swiped its tail at the wizards, which made a few wizards disappear, even catching Klarth off guard a little.

"Ah, watch it! Hey! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A DISTRACTION!" Klarth shouted at Master Hand, who was cowering behind a rock.

"WHAT? YOU SAID YOU NEEDED HELP!" Master Hand.

"AND DISTRACTING HELPS!" Klarth shouted back as a wizard was thrown over his head. He began to summon again when Master Hand picked up the rock he was hiding behind, and threw it at the dragon.

"THERE! I DISTRACTED! NOW EXCUSE ME, I'VE GOT SOME NON-DYING TO DO!" Master Hand shouted, and flew behind another rock.

"Don't think I will let you get away that easy, little Hand!" The dragon shouted as it turned away from the wizards and began to breathe fire on the rock Master Hand was hiding behind.

"I SUMMON THEE, COME- UNDINE!" Klarth shouted.

The dragon roared in pain as The Summon of Water attacked. The jet of flame was almost immediately extinguished, and the dragon flailed in pain. Steam began to rise, and soon the dragon was no longer visible.

"WE KILLED IT!" One of the wizards shouted.

The mist cleared. The dragon was stilling standing there, soaked, and looking _pissed_.

"That hurt, little man. Prepare to die." The dragon inhaled.

"Not likely." Master Hand threw the rock he was hiding behind (again) and struck the dragon in the neck as it was about to breath fire. It choked. The dragon began coughing and spewing out smoke.

"WE KILLED IT!" The same wizard shouted. This wizard was promptly crushed by the dragon's tail.

"Not yet you haven't." The dragon said in a very raspy voice. It was still choking a little, and it seem as though it was trying to throw something up, though he could not get it out.

"I don't think it can breathe fire any more! Quick, use ice spells!" The head wizard shouted orders to his remaining companions.

"LITTLE PESTS!" The dragon roared. It swung its tail at one of the wizards and snapped at another, but the ice spells were beginning to freeze the water left over from Undine's attack, and it was stuck where it was standing.

"There… Now that we've got you down, you've got something I want." Klarth said, walking up to the dragon.

"Down? DOWN? Little man, you by no means have me down!" The dragon said, and began to rear up, shattering a lot of the ice that was holding it.

WHAM!

Master Hand punched the dragon in the jaw, which effectively knocked it unconscious.

"There, now can we please get out of here?" Master Hand asked.

"Why'd you say 'not likely' when he said 'prepare to die'?" Klarth asked as he picked up the Knife.

"Shut up. Now let's go, I'm bored." Master Hand said, and Klarth put the silverware together, and they vanished.

The head wizard looked around. There was an unconscious dragon next to him. About two thirds of his wizarding party was dead. And most of their stuff was destroyed.

"It doesn't matter how damaged we are!" He shouted out to his wizards. "For we have the sacred rock, and… Ooooh…" He suddenly realized that Klarth hadn't given him the rock, and that he had vanished with it. "Oh, bum."

_Present day…_

Master Hand and Klarth appeared in a flat in London. Link, Zelda, Marth, and Roy all blinked in surprise. Mewtwo continued reading his book.

"Hi guys. I'm back, blah blah blah, where's the shower?" Master Hand asked.

"We thought you were dead!" Zelda exclaimed.

"Yes, yes- Wait. How long was I gone?"

"Uh, three months." Link said. "It's September, man."

_A plague-infected village in the Dark Ages…_

"I don't see the distraction." One of the peasants said.

"Me either." Another replied. "Let's keep looking."

Darkwarrior17: Heh… well, I must admit, this was the worst chapter to write. I mean this was bad. I went to several different camps during the making of this, and for about two months I had writer's block. I started three months ago. It's very sad. And personally, I think this is the least-funny chapter I've made yet. However, I'm so tired of it; I'm really not going to tweak it at all. Also, I don't know exactly how Klarth summons, so I used Sheena's words for it. That just seemed simpler because I couldn't find it on the internet. And, just for grins, see if you can figure out where I had writer's block, because it's sloppily overcome. (September 3, 2007)


	17. JK Rowling Must Die

Darkwarrior17: Hey guys

Darkwarrior17: Hey guys. By the time you will be reading this, it will most likely be Christmas, or failing that, Thanksgiving. But for now, it is the Day After Labor Day. Which means that it is the First Day of School. Hooray, yeah, whatever. I'm actually not sure whether this raises or lowers the chance of me finishing this chapter in a reasonable amount of time, but regardless…

Samusgirl1500: You know, I'm not entirely sure how you manage to always catch this when it updates. Seriously, you must check the Super Smash Bros. section every single day. Or you check my profile everyday, which would be touching, as unlikely as it is. Anyhoo… I know the phrase "By the power of Grayskull" from He-man, but I used it like that because of Hot Fuzz. The wizards… I had a different plan for them, and that just didn't work, so… they kinda came off weirder than they were supposed to. I actually don't know why I chose Gnome. I really don't. Yeah, I was going to have the fight with the dragon go on longer, but it didn't, so no Maxwell or Origin. When the dragon said "Prepare to die" to Klarth, and was about to burn him, Master Hand went "Not likely," and throws the rock. So "Prepare to die" and "Not likely" don't really work together, because is it that you're not likely going to prepare to die, or is it not likely that you're going to die, which actually works, so whatever. And Editor says, "Hoo hah, NERDFIGHTERS!" I know what that means, but I'm not exactly sure why she said it. Oh well. Wow. Long review merits long response, I guess.

Darkwarrior17: This chapter is dedicated to my cousin Audrey, because apparently she checks every month to see if I've updated, which is pretty impressive considering how many months it's been since I've updated. Remember when I used to update every week? Good times.

Disclaimer: IGNORE ME!

One Smashing Vacation

XVII

J. K. Rowling Must DIE.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'VE BEEN GONE FOR THREE MONTHS?" Master Hand shouted.

"Dude, we've been hanging out here in London all summer." Marth said.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'VE BEEN GONE FOR THREE MONTHS?" Master Hand shouted.

"Well, we kind thought you were gone for good and decided to lay low for a while. I/e; Harry Potter was coming out and we wanted to stick around."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'VE MISSED HARRY POTTER?" Master Hand shouted.

"Who's Harry Potter? And what's going on?" Klarth asked.

"THIS IS THE TIME POLICE! OPEN UP!" Somebody shouted from outside the flat.

Master Hand was about to open the door when it was kicked down on top of him, revealing a short, stubby man wearing black armor.

"Klarth F. Lester, you are under arrest for breaking dimensional boundaries. You have violated standard dimensional law set down for humans. You do not have any rights, and you will be place in the Zero Dimension for the rest of eternity. You do not get to call your lawyer, you will not pass go, and you will not collect 200!" The stubby man said. When he was done, he looked around. Klarth had jumped through a window and was running away as fast as possible.

"ALL RIGHT, BOYS! WE'VE GOT A RUNNER! PURSUE TARGET, AND PUT YOUR GUNS ON LUDICROUS SETTING!" The short man jumped out the window, and was quickly followed by fifteen more men in black armor.

Zelda, Link, Marth and Roy looked at the window. Mewtwo looked up from his book for a second, and then began reading it again.

Master Hand tried to get up from under the door, but it was quickly stepped on again, this time by a blonde boy wearing a chef's hat.

"I AM THE WONDER CHEF!" The Wonder Chef (for it was indeed he) shouted. "I detect my Three Magical Time Traveling Silverware here! Where are they?"

Zelda, Link, Marth and Roy pointed to the broken window.

"HA HA! FOR YOUR HELP, HERE'S SOME MISO!" The Wonder Chef threw the miso as he jumped out the window in pursuit of Klarth.

Mewtwo looked up from his book for a second… and then began reading it again.

Master Hand threw the door off himself and began shouting.

"THAT IS IT! I'M SICK OF BEING KICKED, CRUSHED, SHOT AT, THROWN OFF OF REALLY TALL PLACES, GETTING-"

"Shut up." Mewtwo said, throwing his book down.

"…What did you just-"

"SHUT UP. Get out of my way. I've got business to attend to."

"…What business?-"

BOOM.

Master Hand was sent flying. Mewtwo floated out of the door and teleported away.

_Las Vegas, Three Months Prior…_

"KIRBY! YOU CAN'T EAT PEOPLE'S CHIPS! THEY ARE NOT FOOD!" The casino manager shouted.

"BUT I'M HUNGRY! THEY MAKE ME HUNGRY!"

"OKAY, THAT IS IT! YOU ARE FIRED!"

"YEAH! WELL, I'M GOING TO SUE YOU FOR MILLIONS! AND THEN, I'M GOING TO EAT YOU!"

"Hey, Kirby!" Game and Watch shouted.

"WHAT?" Kirby turned angrily. He looked at Game and Watch in surprise. "Oh… When did you get here?"

"Not too long ago. I brought Pichu and Pikachu with me."

"Oh… Did Master Hand send you?"

"Heh heh heh heh… Definitely not. In fact, we're actually trying to find him."

"Oh, great. Whatever. Let's just get the hell out of here."

"PIKACHU!"

They began walking out side when suddenly a warp hole opened up and swallowed all four of them.

_Three Months Later…_

Game and Watch looked around. Everyone was reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows.

"Aw, crap."

_Hell…_

"Wow… It's big! AND RED!" Crazy Hand shouted.

"Yes, and this is just the first level of my dominion." The devil said. The two of them stood on a cliff overlooking hell. Below them were millions of people being tortured in various ways.

"Everybody's hurting," Crazy said.

"Yes, that's the main attraction! And I have something special for you to do."

"YAY!"

_A portion of Hell…_

A random person was thrown in a white room. The only other person inside the room was Crazy Hand.

"Hi! I'm Crazy Hand! The Devil said I had to talk to you people about stuff, and to just tell you things, and then stuff would happen. But I'm not sure what he wanted me to talk about, so I guess I'll tell you about my life. He's a Hand, and he's-"

_Later…_

"Make it stop! Make it stop!" The person screamed.

"And then we did stuff, like jumping, and breathing, and more jumping, and other stuff, and things, and-"

_In the Desert…_

Ganondorf and Yoshi had been walking for some time. It was incredibly hot, sandy, and boring. Ganondorf contemplated making conversation with Yoshi, but he figured that ignoring him was a better strategy. Besides, this gave him a chance to try and figure out who he was. This was not going well, and it went a great deal worse when a Wolfen landed on him.

"Oops." Wolf said.

"Wait. What's oops?" the Voice said.

"Nothing. Just a second." Wolf moved his ship over a few feet, this time landing on Yoshi.

Wolf got out of the ship and looked at Ganondorf. He was on the ground, writhing in pain.

"Oops."

"You keep saying that. WHAT IS WRONG?! Tell me!"

"It's nothing. He's just a little… Broken."

"WHAT? How is this possible?"

"I don't… I just landed on him."

"FOOL! We'll need a doctor."

"YAY! I WANT TO BE THE DOCTOR!"

"Quiet, GIR. Wolf, after you have picked up Ganondorf, fly due south. You will find a canyon with a smoking wreck in the middle. There will be a doctor there. Bring him to me."

"Whatever." Wolf said, picking up Ganondorf.

The ship took off, leaving a confused Yoshi. He didn't know where his friend had gone, but he assumed that he was in the red ship. If he followed, he might meet up with him again…

Yoshi ran off in the direction the ship had gone.

_London, England…_

"Why'd he go out the door if he was just going to teleport?" Zelda asked.

"Beats me. Maybe he just wanted to hurt Master Hand." Marth suggested.

"Well, he sure succeeded there." Roy chuckled. "Where was he going, anyway?"

"I don't know. He kept reading Harry Potter and mumbling to himself."

"Does anybody care that I need medical attention?" Master Hand asked.

"Yeah, just a sec." Link held up the Harry Potter book. "Check out this book. He kept scribbling death threats and going on about plagiarism in the margins. Wow, what an angsty teen."

"Hello, still crippled down here."

Zelda ignored this and asked "Who are the death threats for?"

"Uh… Jonah Murie?" Link said, looking at the book.

"That says Joanne Murray, you idiot… Wait. How many fingers am I holding up?" Zelda asked, holding three fingers.

"Uh… One. Wait, now I can't see any. Oh my God. I'M BLIND! AHHHH!" Link screamed.

"That's great and all, but could someone please help me up?"

"Oh, my God. You're blind? Seriously?" Marth asked, waving his arms in front of Link.

"HEY! Severely injured here!"

"How the hell did you go blind?" Zelda asked.

"I don't know, stuff just started getting blurry, and now I can't see!"

"Mewtwo's going to kill J. K. Rowling." Roy said.

"Hey. Here's a theory. Maybe it's karma for not helping me. Karma's a murderer, you know." Master Hand said sarcastically, getting up. "Can't believe no one would help me… Wait. What?"

Everyone besides Master Hand gasped. "He's going to kill the Supreme Ruler of the World?" Marth asked in awe.

"Wait. What are you going on about?" Master Hand asked, confused.

"Master Hand, while you were gone, J.K. Rowling was declared supreme ruler of humanity by all countries… Except Switzerland."

"WHAT?" Master Hand shouted.

Just then, a Double Decker bus crashed through the apartment wall, stopping mere inches from where everybody was standing. In the driver's seat, Captain Falcon was smiling sheepishly.

"Um, this is where I'd usually say something cool, but I'm drawing a blank. Oh, wait, here's a good one. 'It's-

Darkwarrior17: I think this one's shorter than usual. And later. Much, much later. I can't really say I've been busy; I just haven't been working on this. So here it is. A good half year later. Wow. 4-9-08.

Editor's Note: Apparently J.K. Rowling is a pen name, which I guess I knew vaguely. So if you're confused about the whole "Joanne Murray" thing, it actually is true. Wikipedia says so.


	18. The Chapter Where Some Plot Happens

Darkwarrior17: As requested.

Disclaimer: I can't even afford Xbox Live. You think I run a billion dollar company?

One Smashing Vacation

XVIII

The Chapter Where Some Plot Happens

"SOMEBODY GET HIM!" Master Hand shouted, pointing at Captain Falcon.

"Wait, I'm not here to-" Captain Falcon tried to explain, before Marth, Roy, and Link tackled him.

"HIT HIM WHERE IT HURTS!" Zelda shouted.

_Five Minutes Later…_

"I told you, I'm not here with Samus!" Captain Falcon shouted through broken teeth. He had gotten the crap beaten out of him (somewhat literally), and was now tied up in the living room.

"Oh yeah? Why are you here?" Master Hand asked, pointing his deadly fingers in Captain Falcon's face.

"I have come… to join you!"

"Plot twist!" A voice in background shouted.

"It all started three months ago…" Captain Falcon continued.

_Flashback!!_

"Get off my ship." Samus said.

"Um, I'm still tied up."

"OUT!"

_Five minutes later… Still in the Flashback…_

"Great. Now what am I going to do?" Captain Falcon pondered, walking down the streets of Cairo.

"Hey buddy, want a car?" A random person on the street asked him.

Captain Falcon looked at the person. He was bleeding profusely from his head, and the car he was presenting had bullet holes.

"No red flags there. I'LL TAKE IT!"

_Yet another five minutes later…_

Captain Falcon was driving down the road when suddenly this happened:

"HEY! THERE'S THE GUY WHO STOLE OUR CAR!" Someone shouted.

"HEY! THAT'S THE CAR THAT RAN OVER MY MOM!" Someone else shouted.

"THAT CAR AND ITS OWNER ARE WANTED FOR TERRORISM BY THE U.S. GOVERNMENT!"

"I WANT A CUPCAKE!"

"You can't have my cupcakes!" Captain Falcon said, flooring the break. "Oops." Captain Falcon floored the gas pedal, taking off and leaving an angry mob in his wake.

_Flash forward…_

"… And that's how you got here?" Link asked.

Captain Falcon smiled and nodded.

"You do realize you crossed two bodies of water?"

Captain Falcon smiled and nodded.

"And you crashed a Double Decker bus through our house."

"Yeah… I don't really know where that came from…"

"And your entire plan was to drive all the way up to England and join us."

"Plan? I just crashed through your house on accident."

"Okay, is any of this story true?"

"Every single word of it." Mewtwo said, walking in through the front door.

"Your tail's on fire." Roy pointed out.

"Yeah… It won't stop burning."

"Here, let me get that." Marth said, and stomped on his tail.

"MIND CRUSH!" Mewtwo shouted, and crushed Marth's mind.

"What happened? We thought you went to kill J.K. Rowling." Zelda asked.

"Change of plans. We're leaving."

"But… I just got here." Master Hand said.

"Yeah… Shame, we could have pushed you off Big Ben." Link said.

"And we never did destroy London Bridge." Roy said.

"Blarg…" Marth said.

"PACK YOUR BAGS!" Master Hand declared.

"Can I come too?" Captain Falcon asked.

"Whatever."

"Mewtwo, did you get beaten up by J.K. Rowling?" Zelda asked, seemingly the only one who cared that Mewtwo had been savagely beaten.

"No. Besides, her fans helped."

"Mewtwo… lost at something?" Roy asked. Everybody stopped doing what they were doing and stared.

"Blarg…" Marth said.

"I haven't lost. This is just known as tactics."

"It's okay, Mewtwo. Everyone loses sometimes." Captain Falcon said. "Could you untie me?"

"I haven't lost."

_Elsewhere…_

"With Mewtwo out of the way, no one will be able to stop me! AH HA HA, AH HA HA HA HA!" J. K. Rowling cackled.

"Nobody, eh?" Chuck Norris said.

"CHUCK NORRIS? NO!"

"That's right; Mewtwo told me that you think I'm only okay."

"It's not true! That's impossible."

"ROUNDHOUSE KICK!"

_Hell…_

"J. K. Rowling… That was fast." Satan said, smirking.

"Shut up. I need a new body."

"That's not in the contract. Now do you want pit of torment, or the Fantastic Four treatment?"

"Pit of torment."

"Fantastic Four it is. Crazy! GET THIS ONE DOWN TO HELL'S THEATER!"

"YES SIR, BOSS!"

"Ahh… I love my job."

_Elsewhere…_

"Heh heh heh… Suck it, Rowling." Mewtwo said to himself.

"What are you talking about?" Link asked.

"Nothing. Let's get out of here."

"Can you un-mind crush Marth? I don't want to carry him." Roy said.

"No."

_Two Hours later, at the Airport…_

"Where are we going now?" Marth asked, somehow un-mind crushed.

"Home. I'm tired of vacation." Master Hand said.

"But we're still broke!"

"Who cares? By the time this story's done, there will be, like, two more games about us."

"… That actually makes a lot of sense."

"SO AS SOON AS I JOIN YOUR GROUP, WE GO HOME?" Captain Falcon shouted.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Awww, I miss everything!" Captain Falcon moaned. In somewhat ironic timing, Samus shot Captain Falcon in the back of the head.

"That hit you." Samus said.

"WHY ARE YOU STILL CHASING US?!" Master Hand shouted. "THERE'S NO REASON FOR IT!"

"Um, it's a plot point?"

"No, it's not! You've been chasing us for no reason for seventeen chapters!"

"… He's kinda got a point." Fox said.

"Shut it. I don't need a reason to chase you; it's just something I wanted to do!"

"That's not true." Mewtwo said.

"Oh yeah? What do you know?" Samus asked, pointing her blaster at Mewtwo.

"That you've been in a semi-brain washed state since you started chasing us. And that if you don't point that blaster somewhere else, I will end you amazingly fast."

"Plot twist!" A voice in background shouted.

"Wait, someone brainwashed her?" Marth asked.

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you tell anyone sooner?"

"It's more fun this way."

"You guys know me." Samus said. "You could tell if I was brainwashed!"

"I said half. Basically, they strongly suggested you chase Master Hand around, and, well, 'blow holes in that stupid floating glove'."

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS?" Master Hand shouted.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL _ME _THIS?" Samus shouted.

"I told you, it's much more fun this way." Mewtwo said.

"Who brainwashed me? I want to kill him." Samus said.

Mewtwo smiled. "Gentleman, set course for Seattle." He then teleported away.

"…"

Mewtwo teleported back. "What are you waiting for?"

"We need more specific directions."

"Christ. It's the biggest freaking house in Washington State. That specific enough for you?"

"No."

"You know what, now that there's plot in this story, I'm bored. I'm going to go watch Youtube." Mewtwo teleported away.

"…"

Mewtwo teleported back. "Okay, I'm bored with Youtube now. Let's go."

_Elsewhere…_

"Hey, if Mark Hamill was the Joker… Does that mean Darth Vader is the Joker's father?" Kirby asked.

"Plot twist!" A voice in background shouted.

"No. No it does not. Where did that even come from?" Game and Watch said.

"I… don't know."

"Christ. I'm traveling with the three dumbest people on earth. This could not get worse."

"Hey, want a free Zune?"

"No. No I do not." Game and Watch said.

"PIKA PI!" Pikachu grabbed the Zune and pressed a button. Sleep gas shot out of it, knocking Game and Watch, Pikachu, Pichu, and Kirby out.

"I have the four in Vegas." The guy who had given them the Zune said.

"Good. Throw them in a river somewhere."

"Whatever."

_Elsewhere…_

"Um, this might seem like a dumb question, but why didn't you jump out of the trailer?" Wolf asked.

"I was asleep." Dr. Mario said. He had not gotten out of the trailer before it had exploded (I forgot about his character for the last six chapters) and was now healing Ganondorf in the back of the ship.

"Whatever. Wolf to base, wolf to base. We have the Greenman and the Doctor."

"Good. Bring them in. I have questions for them both."

"Wait, was that Bill Gates?" Dr. Mario asked.

"No. Get back to work."

"… I'm fairly sure that was Bill Gates."

"It wasn't Bill Gates! Shut up, I'm trying to drive."

_At Bill Gates' house…_

Bill Gates put his phone down.

"Shortly, everyone will be here. This plan will not fail. I can't have another Zune."

"Hey, I like the Zune!"

"Shut up, foolish alter ego!"

"Plot twist!" A voice in background shouted.

"Someone kill the person who keeps doing that."

Darkwarrior17: This chapter just got owned. Also, for those of you who are thinking "But Heath Ledger's the Joker. When was Mark Hamill the Joker?" He was the Joker in the Batman Animated series. The good one.


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